Primitive Instincts

R I V E R

"Willow!!" my "mom" bellowed from downstairs. I opened my eyes groggily and looked over at the clock. It said, 2:30 a.m. They must have just gotten back from partying, I thought. It wasn't unusual for them to show up this late, well, this early. I knew better than to go back to sleep so I hauled myself out of bed and trudged down the stairs.

"Yea?" I asked, stiffly a yawn when I saw how trashed she was. Trashed = violent, and I was still recovering from the last beating/starving.

"Don't yea me! It's yes ma'am."

"Yes ma'am?"

"Guess how many numbers Crystal got tonight." she smiled, looking over at a very pleased looking 15 year old girl in a mini skirt and tube top that stopped right above her belly-button.

"Ummm ten?" I guess, feeling irritation that I was dragged out of bed for this. I knew better than to complain though. Crystal was priority in the house. Whenever she did something remotely good there was either a party or she got to go out for a night. Crystal got a C on her math test, so they let her boyfriend spend the night in her room with the door closed and music blaring. I was surprised that Crystal wasn't pregnant already.

"Don't be ridiculous!! She got 14!! It's an insult to guess anything less than 12 you useless trash!" My mom scolded. She raised her hand and slapped me hard across the face.

I was so used to it I barely even flinched, but i felt the pain spreading through my cheek and down my neck.

"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am."

"Get your ass to bed before you wake your father up." she sneered, turning to tend to Crystals too big ego.

I didn't even nod, just turned and fled back up to my room. It was small and plain, with white walls and a small cot in the corner.

To say I was like Cinderella was an understatement. I was a beaten, starved, and emotionally traumatized Cinderella. I wished my life could be like that fairy tale. I wish I could meet my prince already. I knew he was out there of course, but he wasn't in this town.

I still believed he would come and take me away, and make me forget all of the horrible things I'd been through. I wish he would make me forget those impossible red eyes. The eyes that were all that I remembered from my parents death. Red eyes peering down at me.

I laid on my bed for a while, knowing the day ahead would be just as tedious as the last. Knowing that tomorrow i would receive more than a bruise on my face.

Because the report cards came out tomorrow, and I had gotten a B in science. I shuddered at the thought of what they would do.

I could almost already feel the pain, and i wished that my prince was right outside me window, right on this night, with a horse to carry me away on.

I woke a few hours later, getting up and pulling on clothes for school. Sometimes I was amazed they even let me go to school. I'm sure if there was so much dangerous pressure on me to succeed, i would have enjoyed being in a classroom with other kids my age. As it was, the memories of what school days brought had scared me for life, and I had no intention of going to college after I graduated.

I rode the city bus to school, ignoring all the rude passengers and grumpy drivers. They thought they had it hard. I'd like to see them after one day in my shoes.

The day passed in a big anxious blur up until 8th period, when the report cards were passed out. My stomach clenched and squirmed as my teacher went down the row, handing out the vanilla envelopes.

I caught myself hoping that somehow, my science grade has magically been transformed into an A. My hopes were brushed though when i slid out the white piece of paper, and say a big fat B under science.

I didn't heave a big sigh or break down crying, I just slipped the paper back in the envelope and began mentally preparing for what was to come.

I started numbing my mind, trying to pull myself out of consciousness. I tried to make the clock slow so that it stopped and i never had to go home.

The bell rang though, and i trudged home, not taking the bus, trying to delay the inevitable. It seemed like the slower i walked though, the faster i got home.

My stomach was wreathing by the time I stepped through the door, and then they were on me. My mom and dad, each had a hand extended, expecting me to had the single report card to both of them.

I chose to hand it to my dad because, once, a long time ago, he had stopped my mom from stabbing me. That's what had let me favor him over her any day. He was cruel and mean and vicious and blood-thirsty, but not completely evil, like her.

He opened it up and pulled out the paper. I held my breath as he looked it over. Then he turned a glare on my that made my heart stop and my breathing come fast again. He hand the paper to my mom who took only a few seconds to scan it over.

"Into the basement." she said simply. That's when my survival instincts kicked in. I knew it would only make it worse but i let a few tears fall down my face.

"Please.....don't." I whimpered, shaking from the fear and adrenaline that coursed through me.

"Into the basement NOW!" she screamed, pointing to the door. I knew i couldn't fight it, and made my way to the staircase, only to be kicked down the flight of stairs. I laid at the bottom, imagining i was someplace else. A happier place. A place where i couldn't feel the pain that filled me.

I focused on that happy place, as my mom hit me and slapped me and dragged broken beer bottles down my back. I focused on that place as she whipped me and kicked me until i threw up. I focused on that place until i slipped into unconsciousness, but even in the dark, and even in my happy place, could i feel the pain.

I woke in the basement the next morning, sore and soaked in my own blood. I felt weak and tired and my body was in flames from the pain. I tried to move my arm but when i did i cried out and let it fall back to the ground. I knew they wouldn't bother me today. It was my healing day.

Or so I thought.

"River!!!" My dad screamed. I nearly died from the sadness and fear and pain that hit me. They surely couldn't make me work today. It would be too much. I couldn't....i couldn't do it this time. No, no....please not now...please. i thought, begging mutely with my father. "River get up here now!" he screamed, and i forced myself into a sitting position, biting my lip to keep from screaming, biting until i bled. I practically dragged myself up the stairs, wishing I was dead each inch i moved.

These were the days when I lost hope. I would re-grow it the next day, but on these days, i just wanted it to be over.

I made it to the living room and collapsed into a sitting position on the couch, hoping they wouldn't make me move.

"River, go pack your things." My dad said, never moving his eyes from the football game on T.V.

My brain tried to process the words he was saying over the pain.

"I'm...sorry but what sir?"

"Go pack your things, we're moving to La Push." he said, taking a long sip of his beer. Just then Crystal pranced in, looking as slutty as ever.

"It was MY idea! My friend told me she visited there last summer and said there were really hot guys there. I'm getting tired of these boys, they can't satisfy me." she said, twirling a piece of hair around her finger.

It never ceased to amaze me how my dad never said one thing about her sexual activity. It was like she was talking about getting a part in the school play.

He just didn't care.

"Okay." i said, my voice cracking from being raw. I struggled up the stairs and into my room. I didn't have much to pack. Even if I did, i wouldn't have. I had almost no strength left in me. The good thing was the pain was numbing.

I opened a duffel bag and put my clothes in it. Then i opened another bag and put my other clothes in it along with my camera. It was something that my parents had left me, and that's how I'd developed my passion, my escape.

It was my prized possession, and I was surprised it hadn't been taken from me yet.

I zipped up my bags and lowered myself onto the bed, trying to lay down comfortably.

Maybe this La Push will be a nice change. I thought.

Yeah right, i almost said out loud, and then i drifted off into a painful, yet oddly healing sleep.