Primitive Instincts

R I V E R

I truged through the door and kicked my shoes off, noting that the house seemed to be holding it's breath. I quickly wiped up the mud I'd tracked in with my jacket. My stomach felt tight. Like i was about to throw up.

No one saw. No one saw. I kept telling myself. It was too rainy to see through the car window, no one saw me with him. my breathing hitched as i saw the kitchen light on. That usually meant a family meeting. Max was always excluded, because our family meetings were usually like a jury making a verdict.

I pushed my wet hair out of my face and quietly crept down the hall. I already knew which areas made creaks and avoided them. As i approached the door-way i forced myself to stop breathing. It was pathetic how i felt the need to sneak around my own home.

I lifted my foot back and jumped across the open door-way. As soon as i landed in the darkness on the other side i knew i had been to loud. There was no chance to sneak to my room now.

"River?" called an angry voice from the kitchen. Shit. i thought, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. I turned back around and swept into the kitchen. The light was soft and deeply contrasted with the hard lines that creased my family's faces. They were definitely angry. And what do you know? Max wasn't there.

Overall, the situation looked bleak.

"Yes?" i asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

"How did you get home so fast?" my dad asked, studying my face, trying to interpret the meaning of each muscle that moved. I tried to keep my face calm and feel into my old routine of lying and acting. The story of my life.

"I walked." i answered dumbly, adding in a confused under-tone.

"Really now, because i could have sworn i saw you jump out of another person's car." my mom said, her eyes narrowing on me.

Oh....no....

The car that had been behind us. The one that had honked. They hadn't seen the kiss hopefully but...they knew. They knew someone had given me a ride home. They knew it was a guy most likely.

This was very, very bad.

"I....I don't know what you're talking about." i answered, looking down at my feet. The coffee cup that my mom had been drinking out of crashed to the floor. I flinched at the sound and kept my head down.

"Don't you dare lie to me you little whore!!!" she screamed. I swear the house shook she was so loud. The room fell into a tense silence as they waited for me to respond.

"I'm not lying." i said. Then I was knocked to the ground, a sharp pain in my side. I looked and saw a stab wound in the lower right side of my stomach. I looked up and my mother was holding a pin-knife.

I closed my eyes and whimpered against the pain, holding my wound.

"I said don't lie!!!" she screamed. "Get into the basement!! NOW!!!!!"

I couldn't move though, because the pain was excruciating. I blinked as she grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards the basement door.

"No! Please stop!" i screamed, trying to muster the strength to fight back. I was too weak though, and i could barely even kick. I couldn't aim.

I felt the stairs dig into my sides and head and back as i rolled down them. I tumbled down the flight, rolling flipping. My body was as limp as a rag doll's and the pain was over-whelming. It felt like my bones were breaking.

I heard my mother's heavy foot-steps coming down the stairs, closer and closer to me.

Her hands gripped my hair and pulled me up so i was looking right at her. I clenched my teeth and groaned.

"Now. This will teach you not to lie to our mother!" she sneered, an icy fury on her face.

"You're not my mother." i sneered back, and spit in her face. I had never tried anything like that. She pulled her foot back and kicked me in the side i had been stabbed on. I screamed and tears began to roll down my face.

"You just keep making things worse for yourself now don't you? Well you won't ever talk to that boy again by the time you can walk." she whispered in my ear.

I laid on the ground as she pulled out her "tools" as she called them, and i closed my eyes and tried not to feel.

The light flooded through the small basement window and woke me up. Sleep was my only escape. I hadn't been out of the basement in weeks. It was like a never ending stream of pain. My eyes were so swollen i could barely open them.

I should be dead already. i thought. It should be over.

It wasn't though. They made sure i was alive so that they could keep hurting me. I was their anger release. I was like a punching bag. They took all their anger and frustration out on me.

I didn't feel real anymore. I couldn't tell when i was dreaming or awake. I couldn't feel my body. I was just...there. My thoughts wandered, like a bodiless brain. They were all centered around one thing though.

Embry. As always.

I wondered if he missed me or if he tried to look for me. I wondered if he thought about our kiss as much as i did.

It was one of the few things that made me want to live. The way his lips had felt against mine. The electricity and tiny shock waves i had felt. Even when he barely touched me my head swam and i just wanted to fall into his arms.

He was so perfect.

I thought about Max sometimes too. They probably didn't say the magic sleeping words. He was probably wondering where i was. I had heard him ask a lot but no one ever answered. I had heard him get scolded when he tried to open the basement door. He had been so close.

He had almost known the truth.

The truth. What was the truth? It was my own fault i was in this situation. Not because of Embry. Because i had never told. I should have told. They could have taken Max too. I was so stupid. So...naive. Why hadn't i said something?!

Now it was too late. I didn't have the strength to care anymore. If they let me live, i would just be a shell. A shell with thoughts, going about the normal functions of life.

Maybe i would get better, but not without someone to help me.

No doubt if i lived through it they would forbid me to see Embry ever again. Now that would really kill me. How could i not see him. He was my first kiss. He cared. He looked at me like i was the sun to his solar system. The cheese to his macoroni. The icing to his cupcake.

He looked at me like i was beautiful. Like i meant something. He made me feel good. He made me feel better. Like there was something to live for.

I couldn't stay away from him. So they would probably just kill me.

I wondered how Embry would react when and if he found out i was dead. Would he cry? Would he try to figure out how i died? Or maybe he would mourn for a little and then move on and find someone better, someone who deserved him.

Yea. i thought. I hope that's what happens. If they kill me, I hope he doesn't take it too hard. After all, it was only one kiss.

My heart was screaming at me that i was wrong. It was telling me that it was so much more than a kiss. It was something so special he would never be able to move on. That made the guilt settle in a painful knot in my stomach.

"Oh Embry," i whimpered. "I'm so sorry."