Primitive Instincts

R I V E R

I stumbled into the house, half-blinded by my still flowing tears. Even then i could tell the house was empty. Good.I thought. Now i have time to mourn for my heart.

I threw myself into the bathroom and locked the door, pushing myself into a corner. The floor was cold and slightly sticky. The tile was white and perfect granite. Every surface shined because i worked so hard. And for what? So i could abandon my heart and soul? Embry Call. My everything.

I curled myself into a ball and let loose another wail. You would have thought somebody died. It just hurt so much. It was like someone had taken a knife and carved out my heart. Then they left the cavity wide open, so i could see what i was missing. It hurt that bad.

"Embry, Embry, Embry..." i wailed, clutching my chest, trying to hide the gaping hole that wasn't there. Nothing mattered anymore. Max was safe now that i would die, and Embry was...

God Embry would always wonder what the hell happened to me. He would wake up in the morning and think, "What couldn't she tell me?" he would ask around but no one would remember me.

I was a high-school drop-out with no job. Who would take notice? So it came down to two feelings. Pain and relief. Pain that Embry couldn't be mine. That he wanted to be mine and i wanted to be his but it couldn't happen. Pain that i had been so close to the light at the end of the tunnel right before it caved in over me. Pain that i had pulled away from him. That i hadn't let him hold me and just stood there like that forever and ever. Until i melted into him and his smell always filled my nose.

Then there was the relief that Max was going to be okay. He was going to be fine. He was going to come home, and wonder where I was. They would tell him some believable lie. He would cry, but then move on. He would be fine. I assured myself. But in my heart i knew it was not true.

I forced myself to stop crying and looked at the clock. My head was pounding and my face felt puffy. I looked in the mirror and saw that my face was red and puffed up and my eyes were swollen and red. I had been crying for over an hour. Over a boy. He wasn't just any boy i knew but i hadn't cried that hard since...since my parents died.

I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out into the hall. The walls were a soft blue color, and the little light there was came from the window. The sunlight was filtered by the clouds and cast a grey light into the house. Everything seemed so colorless.

I walked into my room and looked around. The walls were white and my bed had blood on it. Lovely.I thought. I stripped the bed and threw the sheets into the hall. I pulled sheets out of the linen closet and re-made my bed. Then i stood back and looked at my room. Spotless. Just like everything else. There would be no evidence that I'd even lived there. Once they moved all my furniture out.

I just stood there for a second, as everything began crashing down on me. I was really going to die. They were going to kill me. And what was i doing? Sitting around waiting for it to happen. Waiting for them to come home. It was pathetic. I wasn't that helpless and I knew it.

I began spinning thoughts around in my head. Ideas starting to be put together. Making themselves into a thought, and slowly into a plan. A plan that could work. That is if i had the guts to do it. The motivation. The will. It wasn't complete yet though.

"What the hell are you doing River?" i whispered to myself. Was i really going to wait? Wait for my death to come for me? Was i really that...weak? No.

I wasn't.

I ran down the hall-way throwing open Crystal's bedroom door, letting it slam against the wall. I tore open her closet and saw wedged in the top her suitcase. What would i need? I tugged it back to my room, throwing in everything i owned. Everything that meant something to me. There wasn't much. My most prized posession was my camera.

I carefully tucked it in among my clothes and went into the bathroom, gathering my tooth-brush and shampoo, and a few things that weren't mine but i wanted. Max.I thought. But i wasn't going to let it hold me back this time. I went into his room and pulled out his Power-rangers suit-case, throwing in his clothes and PJ's. Following in his necessities, i threw in his favorite toys. I left the things he wouldn't really miss. He wouldn't understand what was going on for a while anyways. As i tugged everything down the stairs, straining under the weight, i felt the scabs on my back start to re-open.

The hot blood dripped down my back, making me feel slightly naecous(?). I groaned but continued to trudge through the house, collecting anything i felt like having. I was done with this. With this life and this house and these people. I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Leaving me home alone was the stupidest mistake they could have made. Ever. They under-estimated me.

I kicked open the door, looking left and right before darting across the street. i didn't bother to lock the door. I couldn't give a shit if they got robbed. It wasn't my house anymore, and i wasn't going to pick up the mess.

I felt the adrenaline from my actions pumping through my veins. The cars rushing past me as i ran across the busiest street in town blared their horns. But i couldn't hear them. I was flying. I was out. I was free.

I spotted Max's day-care and quickly ran up and into it, barely registering the change in light. I heard the sound of a dozen kids and my head pounded harder, making me wince. Kids. I loved up but they were loud.

I looked around and spotted Max, playing with a toy robot with a little girl. I saw a strange woman in the corner. She was probably a substitue. Someone i didn't need to deal with. She was busy scolding some kid who'd drawn all over the wall, and another child.

I saw Max look up and meet my eyes. He had the uncanny ability to sense my presence, and at the moment i was taking it as a god-send. I needed to hurry. Who knew when they would get home and begin the search for me. I wasn't planning on sticking around to find out.

Max smiled and hopped up when he saw me, running over to the little gate. I rushed up and unlatched it with shaking fingers.

"Rivur!" he screamed, pulling me into an awkward hug. I winced at my back but continued to ignore it.

"Come on Max, it's time to go." I said, trying to shoot him a small smile. He nodded and waited until i unlatched the gate, letting him come out. I picked up our bags and motioned with my head for him to follow me out.

"Shouldn't we tell Mrs. Shewul that we left?"

"No honey. We're in a hurry right now. Have you ever rode the bus?" i asked, pulling four quarters from my pocket. The tarc bus was just pulling up and several people got off. I sent up a silent prayer and began hauling my luggage up the steps. Everything seemed to be moving so fast. Like this was something I'd already done.

"No." he said, hopping up and down beside me, just beginning to notice the bags. I handed him the quarters and he happily put them into the little collector tin. He was oblivious to my bleeding back or frantic behavior. I probably looked like a druggie who'd just gotten into a gang fight.

We slid into a pair of the the uncomfortable seats and i kept the luggage shoved between me and the seat in front of us.

"Where are we going Rivur?" he asked, picking at something on the seat. The question was one i didn't have an answer to. I didn't have money for plane tickets or a bus ride out of state. My options were limited but i couldn't stay in Forks. It was way to dangerous.

As the streets continued to fly by us and cars followed or led us at a comfortable pace, i realized what I'd done. If they caught us...

I couldn't let it happen. They'd probably kill both of us. I would be responsible for Max's death. I had to find somewhere safe. Somewhere where we could start over.

I pulled him close to me, closing my eyes and trying to think.

"I don't know Max." i whispered, stroking his hair lovingly. "I don't know."