Primitive Instincts

R I V E R

The next week was surprisingly quiet. I was still really sore but, because of years of abuse, my body healed fast. Mom hadn't cut me that deep this time and the scabs were healing over. I didn't do anything bad, I did everything perfectly right and for that I was rewarded with being ignored. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Then they had to start paying attention to me because they were signing me up for school on the reservation. I knew Crystal had already been down there several times, flirting with the residents. I would have to ride the bus to school. Then they decided that some walking would do me some good. They said I was too fat. Even though the last doctor's check-up had said I was 10 pounds under-weight.

I was beginning to look sickly and pale, my natural tan retreating from my skin to reveal a couple of freckles. I was fine though. I would survive.

Maybe.

They bought me all the necessary school supplies and gave me $15 for new clothes for the year. I didn't even look for a mall, just headed for the nearest salvation army. I found a really cute vintage dress that was black and had yellow polka-dots on it for two dollars.

Then I spent the rest of the money on jeans and t-shirts along with a few pairs of shorts.

All with a quarter left over for a piece of gum.

I was feeling almost pleased with myself that day. Almost happy. But not quite. At home there was always that looming sense of danger and unsuitability. I never knew when someone might go off on me and start the beatings again. This house had a basement too, actually it was more of a cellar.

I did my chores (everything that had to be done in the house) and returned to my room, preparing for the day ahead. I wouldn't wear my dress because i had to walk to school. It wouldn't be fun, it was a 40 minute walk. I didn't think about it though. I just set out my things and went to bed.

I had probably gotten more sleep this week than i had in the past month. It was kind of nice.

I was walking on a thinner rope each day that went by without a beating though. I knew how it would go. I would do everything perfectly but they would start to pick things apart and try to find things wrong. It would get harder and harder to keep them happy until they decided i needed some discipline.

That's how it always was.

It was a never ending cycle that I couldn't stop, no matter how hard I tried.

I went to sleep restless and worried.

The next morning was cloudy and gray. It was one of those days when it seemed like the sky was holding it's breath, waiting for the lightning to shatter it's too smooth surface.

I got out of bed quietly, and carefully dressed. It was still dark out and there was barely any light from the outside streetlight's to see by. I grabbed an apple as i walked out of the house, something they wouldn't notice.

I clicked on the flashlight i had brought with me as i reached the outskirts of town. Now the sky was starting to lighten...sort of. The clouds preventing it from getting too light. It was still kind of hard to see but i managed.

The walk was tiring and long and i almost turned back twice before i remembered what i would be going back to. School was better than home, always.

So when i saw the sign that said La Push Reservation i nearly jumped with joy. I picked up my speed and followed my purposely crude directions to the small high school.

It was one of those schools were you could just tell that everyone knew everyone. Except me.

I was going to be the new girl. The weird one. The all one. The outsider. Like i had all my life.

I ignored all the curious stares and hushed whispers as i made my way through the door, collecting my class list from a genuinely cheery looking secretary.

The school wasn't that hard to navigate, and i made my way through the day in a sort of daze. I adapted back to my loner, shy attitude. Not sad, just, not completely there. I took all the right notes and gave all the right answers but i wasn't really paying attention. It was like i was in my own little world, only in that little world there was nothing going on.

I was just...no where. My mind was blank. There was nothing left to think about.

The hours slipped by too fast and soon, it was time for me to make my way back home.

I didn't go straight away though. I had brought my camera with me and there was a picture i really wanted to take. I walked down to the beach. How i found it i will never know, but i knew what it looked like from Crystals descriptions, and those were the kind of scenes i liked to take pictures of.

The sky seemed to press down lower towards the ground, trying to claim the whole world with it's masses of rumbling clouds.

I pulled out my camera and held it up to my eye. It had a digital screen but i liked to look through the eye-piece. It made everything more real for me somehow.

There were rocks everywhere, all different colors, and the waves were crashing on them beautifully. If i could just get the picture at the right second...

I held the camera steady and waited. Waited until CLICK. I got the perfect shot. Sometimes i managed to amaze myself with my timing. It was like i just knew when to take the picture. It was second nature to me.

Then i heard foot-steps on the beach and loud whooping laughter coming from behind me.

I turned and saw a bunch of tall (even to me) native guys walking down the beach, joking around. They were all shirtless and they were all well pretty nice-looking. I could understand why Crystal was down here all the time.

They didn't seem to notice me at first. They seemed lost in their own little world. Completely care-free.

completely free.

At once i wished i could be like them.

Then one of them seemed to notice me staring and nudged the others.

They all looked up to see the curious new girl.

And that's when i saw him.