Primitive Instincts

R I V E R

My nerves were on end all day. Even Max noticed that I seemed edgy. He asked me several times what was wrong. What was I supposed to say? So I told him I was nervous about a test. The truth was I was so scared someone would find out about Embry. God, the thought of it made me want to tuck my tail between my legs.

I was also nervous about my up-coming beating. I was really dreading this one. I had been acting perfect for too long. All that balled up rage would come out. I knew it was coming. Just from the way they were looking at me. Like they wanted me to mess up already. It was unsettling.

I knew I wouldn't be able to go to school for a few days and that made me unreasonably sad. That meant a few extra days without Embry. I just wanted him with me. All the time. Wherever I was I wanted him to be with me all the time. Being away from him made my heart hurt.

I couldn't help but get the feeling that he felt the same way. When he had had his arm around me it had felt so good it was impossible. I could have passed out from the sheer joy and pleasure. He was so...so...I couldn't even put it into words! He was everything I had ever dreamed about and more!

Just then Crystal interuptted my thoughts. She rudely barged into my room and started looking around. I knew better than to be defensive. I struggled to contain my anger.

"Hey Crystal. What's up?" I asked casually. She was surprisingly the nicest one of the Willow's. She sometimes almost sounded mean instead of phyco.

"Looking through your stuff." she stated.

"Oh. Cool." i said, closing my eyes and counting to ten. "So how are you liking Forks High?"

"Oh I love it! There are quite a few hot guys." she said, but didn't really seem too happy about talking to me.

"Sounds great." I said, rolling over on my bed so she couldn't see me rolling my eyes.

"Ugh your clothes are so ugly! What the hell is wrong with you?" she laughed, tossing my few outfits all over the room.

"I don't know." i breathed, trying desperatly to unclench my fists.

"Why can't you act normal for once in your life!? Maybe this is because you're still a virgin. I'm normal and i'm not a virgin so maybe we need to fix this little problem. I can make a few phone calls and..." she trailed off. The thought stopped my heart. There was no way in hell that was going to happen.

"I don't really want to Crystal. But thanks anyways! I'll try and act more respectable." i said. i knew the fear was plain in my voice.

"Hmmm maybe you're right. I don't see why anyone would ever sleep with you anyways. What with those nasty scars on your back." she said. I was so self-concious of those. I never went swimming. I never wore tank-tops. I always found a way to keep the scars covered. I hated them with a passion.

"Yes. They're so disgusting." I felt like a robot. I just agreed with whatever was said and carried on doing my job. Everyday was the same routine.

Then there was Embry. I drifted back to thoughts of him and didn't even notice myself roll over and face the ceiling.

Suddenly Crystal gasped.

"What's wrong?" i asked, sitting up quickly and faking concern.

"I know that look! You like someone!" she screamed. Shit. I thought. Please no..please please please no!

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh I am so telling mom. You are going to get busted!" she sneered. Then went to the door and stopped.

During those few seconds my heart fell and crashed onto the floor. It was all over. Surprisingly though, she turned around.

"You know what? I'm not gonna tell mom. Not yet anyways. I'm gonna wait until I have proof. Then I can show her just how long you've been lying to everyone." she giggled, like it was the best idea she'd ever had.

"Okay." i said calmly, even though on the inside i was freaking out. This was going to end badly. Very very badly. I was feeling sick to my stomach again. I felt like the walls were starting to close in and it was time to start looking for a trap door.

She walked out of the room and left me with my frantic thoughts. I would have to always be on the look-out when i was with Embry. Maybe I should stop seeing him all together.

I snorted. Yeah right. Like I had enough self-discipline to do that! I would just have to be cautious. All the time. This was going to be risky. I would figure it out though. I had to.

Just then Max walked into the room, sporting a pair of footy PJ's and a baseball hat.

"Hey Rivur." he said, sitting down beside me.

"Can you say da powem?" he asked, looking at me expectantly.

His blue eyes were so innocent, so unknowing of all of the horrors of the world.

I would have to find a way to make things work.

"Sure buddy." i said in a shaky voice. Then i cleared my thought theatrically. "'The time has come.' the Walrus said,

'To talk of many things.

Of shoes---and ships---and sealing wax,

of cabbages---and kings.

And why the sea is boiling hot?

And whether pigs have wings?'"