Slow Me Down

I was so sick.

The world had been taking a shit on me for most of my life. I wasn't happy, and no one could ensure that I ever would be. As I trekked through the woods of La Push, my head was spinning and I almost couldn't keep my balance. I had left my car at the other end, in a small gravel lot. When I had gotten out of the car, I left the keys in the ignition, the doors unlocked. It wouldn't matter in the end anyway.

My ankles were bleeding from the thorns I'd walked through earlier, but I didn't care. I didn't care that it was thirty degrees. I didn't care that it was two in the morning. Once I was done, it wouldn't matter. I could smell the water as I grew closer, but I knew I still had a ways to go before I reached the cliffs.

There were owls hooting as I walked by, and I could've sworn I heard someone - something - behind me as I approached the edge of the woods. The cliffs. The cold air burned my lungs as I breathed it in. The trees thinned, and before I knew it, I was standing on one of the highest cliffs in La Push. I'd seen boys jumping before, but not from this high. At the time, I had had a best friend - Constance. She'd told me that they were cliff diving, going one at a time, each of them climbing back up the rocks to the top to do it again.

I decided that it was my turn. Although, I wouldn't be climbing back up.

I watched the waves below, and a sense of numbness came over my whole body. All I could think about were those waves, crashing against the rocks. The longer I stood here, the more time I was wasting. I had to get this over with so I wouldn't change my mind.

I inched forward. My heart was pumping harder than I had ever felt it pump, and I was sure that at any moment it would burst through my chest and fall right into the water.

What are you waiting for?

"I don't know." My throat was dry, and it hurt to speak.

You'll change your mind if you don't do it now.

"I won't."

Tentatively, I took another baby step forward. My toes hung over the edge of the rocks now, and all I had to do was lean too far forward, and I would fall. I would fall so far down no one would be able to find me. It wasn't like they would search, anyway. No one cared. I was invisible to the rest of the world. My mother ignored me, my father beat me, my friends abandoned me. Who was I here for? Certainly not myself. I couldn't do anything right, and it was overwhelming. Overtime, it felt as if I couldn't even breathe right. My existence was obviously not wanted, so I decided to take the initiative.

"What are you doing?" The voice startled me, and I spun around to see a very tall, muscular man standing behind me. He looked like one of the guys I had seen cliff diving last year, but in the darkness, I couldn't really see any of his features. He stared at me hard, his eyes wide. His lips parted softly, and I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Get rid of him.

"Leave me alone," I said, suddenly remembering what I was here for. "I don't need your help." I turned back around, and looked down into the water. The water was frothy as it slapped the cliff. My heart was still pounding against my chest. I knew it wouldn't stopped until I stopped it myself.

"That's not what it looks like," the man whispered.

I thought about ignoring him, and that if he didn't leave, I would jump in front of him. I didn't want that to happen, though. "Not everything is what it appears to be," I said. "Please, go."

"No. Not until I know you're safe." He mumbled something else, but I couldn't make out his words.

"You don't know me. Why do you care?" My arms were limp at my sides now, the sleeves of my sweater slowly inching down my wrists after I had pushed them up in the car. I didn't care if he saw my scars. I didn't care if he saw me jump. He didn't know me.

He took in a sharp breath. "I know that this - what you're doing - isn't a good idea."

He was pissing me off, and I just wanted him to go away. "What do you suggest?" I snapped. "Razorblades, overdose, bullet to the head?"

"Or you could step away from the edge. You could live." I heard a pebble skip across the other rocks, and knew that he was stepping towards me.

"Who do you think you are?" I said, my voice flat.

"I know who I am. Who are you?"

"No one." A tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away before he could see it. "I'm no one."

He was quiet for a few moments. I just wanted him to go away. Please, I begged in my head. Please go away. Please, please, please, please, please! "What's your name?" He finally said.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. To me, it does."

"Why? I'm nothing but a speck of dust in the universe. No one knows who I am, and they don't want me here." I was rambling now, but I could care less. He probably wouldn't remember this conversation. I took a deep breath, and a gentle breeze wrapped around me, blowing my hair into my face. I swayed slightly, and took a step backwards in result of loosing my footing. He caught me, and the warmth of his skin was almost startling.

"I do," he whispered.

I didn't move. His hands were on my biceps, holding me against him slightly. "You do what?" I breathed, unsure of myself now.

"I want you here." He was quick to respond.

"You don't know me," I whispered. It felt as if I'd said that so many times that it burned my tongue. "You don't know me at all."

"I want to. If you jump, you won't ever come back. I won't be able to live with myself if I walked away from you just because you told me to. If there was nothing that I could do. And I know you don't really want to jump, because you're still standing here." He sounded so sure, and I almost melted right in front of him. I closed my eyes, listening to our breaths, to the waves, to the breeze.

"I've made up my mind," I whispered. "I can't go back now."

"Yes you can. Please."

His voice was pleading now, and his fingers tightened around my biceps. I wanted to break away from him, and not stop walking away until I was sinking into that water. Yet, I didn't budge. I could barely flinch. Something in my heart was holding me here, to him. To this stranger.

"Will you come down with me?" He asked.

I sighed, unsure. What was the point of living if I had no one to be with? I would never see this man again. And even if I did, I wouldn't be able to speak to him. We wouldn't be able to be friends. I was incapable of keeping friends. They all abandoned me, and they always will. "I don't know," I whispered.

"You'll get another chance at happiness," he said.

I scoffed. "You don't know that."

"Yes I do. You can only be happy if you want to be. It's a mindset." His lips were next to my ear now, and as he whispered, his breath tickled my skin, making me shiver.

"It's not that easy," I whispered. My throat was starting to close, and I could feel my waterworks going. I wouldn't let myself cry in front of him. "Please let go of me." But when I tried to wriggle myself free, he only held me tighter. "Let go!" My arms were starting to hurt now.

"No! I know you want to give up, but I won't let you. I can't."

I stopped fighting him, and fell limp. "Take me away from here." Tears were rolling down my cheeks, one by one by one, falling down my neck and dripping into my sweater. He sighed, and reached around my legs to carry me away from the cliff. My dress fell down to my hips, but I didn't care. His footsteps were smooth, gentle, and before I could decide if I should, my head was falling against his chest. I cried and cried, bringing the collar of my sweater into my face to dry the tears away. He kept carried me to the other end of the forest, where my car was still sitting. I didn't have to say anything to him - he placed me in the passenger seat and rounded the bumper to the other side.

"Where to?" He started the car, and the heat blasted in my face. It burned my skin. I lifted a weak hand to turn the knob, but he got there first, turning it completely off.

"Anywhere."

We were driving now, but I was dazed and confused. Clumsily, I put my seat back so I could look through the moonroof. For once, the sky was clear, and all of the stars were visible. They twinkled at me, like they were smiling. "What's your name?" He asked quietly.

"What's yours?"

"Jacob Black."

"Belle Porter."

"Belle," he said, as if he had to let it sink in. "I like it." And then we drove until the sun came up, and a new day had started.