A Rose, My Rose

8 months later:

I sighed and stared out into the forest, and it staring back at me. I spent most of my time staring out the window. When I finally realized what I had done as just a weeks old newborn I fell into a depression. There was a time when I considered suicide for my option. Hanging, drowning, just anything but Carlisle told me it was useless.

I had given up on that idea a few days after I thought it up. I couldn't do that to Edward. I mean, what would Edward be like without me with him? He is my only family left.

I constantly thought of those children I killed. I was in such a craze I couldn't even remember their names. But maybe that's a good thing. Even after eight months of Carlisle saving me I could still see their blood on my hands, it had stained me. It would be a constant reminder of what I had done. Even with Carlisle telling me that it was natural for a newborn to do what I had done, it was no excuse. I had to walk the earth always remembering what I did.

Even with my depression I still carried on. I stay strictly animal blood. I have yet to waver from it, but it could be also that I make sure that there are no humans around for 30 miles during a hunt. I cannot take that chance and kill someone again. I couldn't go through that again.

Carlisle has been a savior to me in the past months. He has been keeping me company and my mind off of upsetting thoughts. We had become very close. A part of me resents him though. Not that he took me away from killing humans but the fact that he even let me go in the first place and not find me sooner. I may not have killed them! I also hate that he changed me into this. I should be dead, with my sister and brother. It was the natural thing to do.

I don't even know why he changed me. I know why he changed Edward but why me?

Though I have gotten closer with Carlisle I cannot bear to look at Edward, I feel so ashamed of myself. I am the older and more responsible person yet I fly off the handle and attack humans when he stays straight and narrow. I am such a terrible aunt!

I stand from the window seat in my room and start to head to the library to find a new book to occupy a few hours while Carlisle is at work. When I enter the library I see Edward sitting and reading. I think about turning and leaving but that would be cruel. So I enter and walk up to the shelf and read each of the titles in my head.

"Aunt Maggie?" I hear Edward call behind me. I turn around and look at him but keep silent.

"I know you are avoiding me. I am a mind reader after all. I know you feel like a terrible person and a terrible aunt but please do not. I do not judge you, I love you." He said softly, smiling lightly at me.

"Thank you Edward, I needed that." I replied. It didn't fix it but it was a start.

"Actually Aunt Mag I wanted to speak to you." Edward said closing his book. He moved over slightly on the couch and patted the space next to him. I walked over and sat next to him.

"What is it Edward?" I asked scrunching my eyebrows.

"What was it like?" He asked.

"What was what like Edward?" I replied.

"Feeding off the humans." He said, I gasped softly. I rubbed my hand subconsciously; I could still see the blood even if Carlisle says it isn't there.

"It was delicious, a fog covers you and you are free, painless, and completely unstoppable until it ends then the guilt and self-loathing comes." I said softly, staring out in space, remembering. He grabs my hand in comfort.

"But that was feeding off children, what if it was criminals. You would still feel guilty?" He said. I pulled my hand from under his.

"It is still wrong, Edward." I said with a low tone. I hoped he realized that my tone suggested that the topic would end. But didn't want it too.

"I was thinking that it wouldn't. They are criminals. Murders and rapists, please!" He pleaded and grabbed my hand again.

"Edward, listen to what you are saying! These are still humans, even if they are sick! It is just newborn talking. Wait a couple years before you make this decision. But if you choose to do this you will not have my blessing." I said and took my hand away from his. I stood up and walked out of the room silently scolding him in my thoughts.

When Carlisle came home hours later I told him of Edward's idea and he agreed with me. He told me I needed to let him make his own choices even if we didn't agree with him. I had to realize that Edward was a young man now and he had the right to make his own decisions. I still thought Carlisle could make him stop thinking about this idea.

When I was around him I made sure to think about how ashamed I am about his decision. I know it's a bit mean but I didn't want him to go through what I went through when I killed humans. I had Carlisle to save me, but if Edward leaves on his own accord and choose to do this, no one will be able to save him but himself. Edward is too proud to do realize that it would be wrong and come home.

Carlisle reaching for my hand caused me to break from my thoughts. I think he knew what I was thinking about. He could see the sadness and pain in my eyes and he felt bad for me. He was nothing but compassionate.

"It will be okay Maggie. He's a smart boy." He said while interlacing our fingers.

"I hope you are right Carlisle. I don't know what I would do without him." I said softly. He brings my hand up to his mouth and gives it a peck and smiles at me.