Don't I Exist?

I'm waiting for him. I'm always waiting for him.

The least he could do was catch a glimpse of me but I guess that was so hard for him since he'd never done it before. All I was asking for was just a little take in at me, a tiny bit. So he can know that I'm there. There for him.

He was a natural beauty. His midnight black hair with blond streaks melted like butter around his face, and looked soft enough to touch. He had crystal blue eyes that could make any heart tingle, and his skin was pale and resembled of porcelain, smooth and clear. He grew taller and a well-built body that filled up nicely.

I'd grown up to love the guy and all he ever does is ignore me.

Sometimes I try to build up the courage I have to walk up to him, and tell him how I felt about him after all these years. How he grew up to bloom into a marvelous gentleman that literally stole my heart. How when I first laid eyes on him, he was an angel and would grow up to become a more gorgeous being. And he did.

As always, his face was void of any emotionxxnothing to decipher at all. I loved a little mystery, and so did everyone else since they were so mesmerized by this creature.

The way he walked was what got to me. He walked slowly and gracefully, like royalty. His posture was so right, his back straight and head up in the clouds. Everyone cleared a path for his majesty to saunter along, a red carpet beneath his feet as if he was a celebrity.

He was veryhot popularxxthe school his kingdom and every student attending his loyal servants, including me.

Everyday when I pass him in the hall, I wave but he doesn't do so much as to even glance at me. Everyday when I go over toour his house and intoour his bedroom, he doesn't acknowledge my presence, let alone my existence.

I can't help but feel a ping of sadness and wretchedness.

I try so hard for him to notice me.

My own brother, Luca.

Don't I exist?

"Zane?" I snap out to face my confused mother. She places her hand on mine and with a voice only a mother like her can contain, she whispers, "Is everything okay?"

I nod and stare back down at the plate of untouched food and stab at my meatloaf with my fork, boredom taking me in as its prisoner. Luca is just right across from me, picking at his mash potatoes before excusing himself and disappearing into the kitchen.

I did the same, walking into the kitchen to find Luca washing his dishes. I shove the leftovers into the microwave and glance at him. His eyes are glued on what was in front of him and as usual, he ignores me. I'm not surprised.

I make my way up the stairs, and into my bedroomxxplopping down on my bed before lazily turning on the TV. I stared, not paying so much attention to the moving figures but at the doorway, waiting for Luca.

When he shows up, I try not to look at his beautiful face and hide the discoloration of my cheeks. I knew he had gotten into his bed from the squeaking of the mattress.

I open my mouth to say good night but quickly closed it, realizing that he wasn't going to respond anyway. I look over my shoulder at him but he's completely engrossed in his iPod, the blaring music and earphones blocking off anyway of him hearing words that I have to say to him.

I crawl under the covers, snuggling with the warmth of it before drifting off to sleep.

I was never going to get his attention. He was way out of my league and I would never reach his standards no matter how much I try to wear nicer clothes, and do my hair and makeup to perfection. But he will never look at me.

"Why won't you look at me," I mumble in my sleep under my breath, hoping that Luca wouldn't hear me over his music.