Scarlet's List

The rest of the day seemed to zoom by, nobody said anything to me about not returning to my first period. In fact, it didn't seem to faze anyone, only myself. I have never been popular though, sure people compliment me and tell me I'm gorgeous and other things, but nobody ever wants to be my friend, so there it is, no friends for the past few years of high school. But in middle school I had everyone wrapped around my finger, everyone wanted to be my friend and everyone wanted to sit with me. Then Lila showed up and took the whole spotlight off of me. So I envied her, a sin? Yes, but that doesn't matter to me, I don't have the same values as my parents.

"Ms. Scarlet May? Could you please stop staring out the window," looking up from my notebook that I had drawn doodles all over the page, my attention shot to the grey haired woman that was my math teacher, and my last period teacher, after her I was gone until next Monday, seeing as tomorrow was Saturday.

I bit my bottom lip, and looked down, the embarrassing showing in my cheeks by now, "Sorry ma'am." Snickers erupted all around me.

"Yeah Scarlet May, watch the teacher, not the clouds," a voice commented from behind me, I turned, and saw Lila getting a whole bunch of high-fives from the students.

I rolled my eyes at her, "Well maybe you should pay attention to how many guys you sleep with, other than saying you're a virgin." Had I really just said that?

"Bitch."

Those were the last words spoken, Thank God, then the bell rang, and I hurried out of there, ran to my locker, shoved my books back into the locker, no homework for the weekend, then sprinted out of the school building and onto my bus.

;

Sitting on the bus, I felt into my back pocket of the deep blue skinny jeans I had chosen to wear that day and groped for my list. Taking my hand out after I had grabbed onto something, I looked down at the sheet, only part of it was there, and that was the bottom part of the list. Grabbing into my back pocket once more, I felt around for any other sign of the list that spoke the truth about me. But nothing, tears of anger welled up in my eyes, 'God I'm so stupid! How could I lose that list? Somebody probably found it and is going to make copies and hand it out to everyone.' Smacking my hand up against my forehead, I screamed. I didn't care who saw me or who heard me, I was pissed.

Grabbing my notebook out of my bag and a red pen, I added more to the list, starting with the last number I ended.

22.Crazy
23.Stupid stupid stupid.
24.Forgetful
25.Harmful to self.
26.Harmful to others
27.Fuck my life, and make it end. It's over already anyway.

Shoving the notebook back into my bag, I sat there, huffed, crossed my arms over my chest, and stared straight out the tinted windows.

;

"Welcome home Scarlet!" my bubbly sister greeted as I stepped onto the front porch of our large farm abode. From the white sidings to the black shingles to the mint green front porch, it was the most clashed place in my mind, and it looked like it was out of a fairytale, and that fairytale stared my sister as the princess. Her long brown hair curled slightly like it should, and her large baby green eyes were covered by large bug sunglasses. But her smile made the sun ashamed. And her style? A runway model would be jealous of it. Her small five two frame with all the right curves was the envy of every girl, of course she made this obvious too, her jeans hugged her hips tightly. The white teeshirt she was wearing was low cut with a V-Neck cut, showing the amount of cleavage a girl should be allowed. Her outfit was simple, but oh so perfect on her.

I smiled at the model goddess, "Thanks for the welcome...Lulu." Gritting my teeth in a fake plastic smile, I opened the screen door, then hurried up to my bedroom. Without even a look at my father.

Shutting my door behind me, I sat down on my bed, crossed my legs over one another, "Porky!" calling out to my small pot bellied piglet. He came trotting into the room from the bathroom his little snout stuck up high, he snorted at me, then laid down next to my leg. Stroking the piggy as if he was a kitten, I let the tears flow softly down my cheeks. 'I really was stupid, I mean somebody has my list, and I can't do anything about it! I don't know who has it, and without knowing who has it I can't take it back from them in an angry rage. Ugh fuck, who has my damn list?!'

Laying backwards onto my soft white pillow, I shut my eyes and breathed softly, "I have got to fix this...Don't I?"

Porky snorted in response, then moved himself up towards my head, pressing his cold, wet nose against my cheek, I smiled, "I love you too buddy."

;

"Scarlet, how was school today sweetie?" my mothers soft voice cooed over the clatter of plates. It was Friday night and that meant my sister had Blake her boyfriend over, our grandparents were over, along with our two aunts and three uncles and our one uncles girlfriend, along with all of our cousins. There were two girls to each set. My uncle Sam and aunt Courtney had Mella and Bella, the twins, along with their son Carson. They were all younger, the twins in fifth grade and Carson just starting Kindergarten. Then there was my aunt Sue and uncle Chuck, their kids were Kelly, Karen, and Kristen, the three girls who did everything together, yet they weren't even close in age. And of course they had their sons Alexander and Keith the fraternal twin boys. Then there was uncle Mark, and his girlfriend Mae, they had a daughter together; Susan. And she had her own daughter; Victoria. They had no sons, only daughters. Besides all of that though, it was a usual family thing.

"School? School? Who cares about school? Little Mella and Bella are going to be going to a private academy next year, being child prodigies and all," I rolled my eyes, aunt Courtney always has to have conversation on her and her daughters, no one else.

I coughed at her, "School was fine mom. How was work?"

She didn't hear me, figures, no one ever does. I looked over at Blake, my sisters boyfriend of forever. He was the perfect country boy, his deep brown hair was shaggy and cute, so a little modern. Then his eyes were so warm and soft, I always smiled when I looked into them, he looked up at me and winked, "So Scarlet, I heard the drama department is going to be putting on a new play this year, are you thinking about joining?"

"How did you know about the play?" choking on my water a little after I had asked the question, he graduated, why would he know?

He smiled a breath taking half smile, "Aron, remember? My younger brother, Freshmen year? He's part of the drama club, and he told me about the play coming up. What are you doing exactly? 'Romeo and Juliet?'" laughing at his own joke, I joined in. The rest of the family was oblivious though, including Lulu who was just talking about something she had been doing something recently.

"No, we are doing 'The Murder of John Williams.' A student wrote the play, it is actually pretty good. I'm excited, but I will just be trying out for the minor roles. Nothing big for myself really," picking at the mashed potatoes on my plate, I bit my bottom lip.

"But you'd be amazing as the leading lady," winking at me over the rim of his glass that held the sweet tea I made yesterday. His lips probably tasted like it too. His sweet, kissable lips.

"Oh thank you," a heat crept up into my cheeks, "But I really am not going to try out for anything big, really."

And that was that.

;

Ripping yet another picture of myself up, the tears streamed out so fast and in such large amounts that it was impossible to see. This was also a ritual of mine, tear up exactly three pictures of myself every Friday night, and recite my list over and over again in my head. It was something I tried once and loved because of the way it made me feel. Throwing the last of the pictures into the trash can, I spit on it, 'Make yourself better, and less fucked up. Then people will love you and listen to you.' Those lines went over and over again in my head all the time.

'What's wrong with me?!