Scarlet's List

"Scarlet, wake up! I'm home, Scarlet," a soft voice tickled my ear, I swatted at the voice for a moment, then sat up, and blinked twice, until my vision returned, then I was staring into the soft innocent brown eyes of my younger brother, Nash.

Smiling I grabbed him into a tight hug and laughed, "Hey buddy, you're finally home? How was Grandpas?"

"It was awesome, I can't believe that Arizona could be so much fun, I saw so much stuff it was unbelievable. Now I'm just glad to be home and start up school here. Sure it's already October, but I can catch up," he sat down on my bed, and picked up Porky who had scooted himself over to us.

I smiled up at my little brother, he was my best friend, him and I got along great and we trusted each other with anything and everything, the only thing he doesn't know about is the list, "So, you had fun?"

"I just said, yes! So why is Lulu hugging the toilet?" he rolled the piglet onto its back and rubbed it's small belly.

My brain racked for an idea, I couldn't come up with one just the truth, "She got smashed last night."

His mouth dropped open, "Seriously?!"

"Yeah, pretty nasty, hey why don't you go take a nap? I bet the flight was torture, I will make you some lunch when you get up, love you little brother!" I stood up and hugged him tightly, the scent of burnt tobacco wafted up into my nose, he smelled like Grandpa, I felt a smile creep across my lips.

"Love you too big sister," he hugged me once more then left my room. Once more I felt alone and lost, he was the light of my life basically. I would do anything for my little brother, sure he is fourteen and able to take care of himself, but still, I don't want to see him hurt or anything.

;

Looking into the mirror, a content sigh escape my plump lips, 'The party last night... Curtis wanted to say something. He just didn't get a chance to, thanks to that damn ass tramp. She caught his attention like she catches every other guys. God. So not fucking fair!'

A small knock echoed through my room, my vision escaped the mirror that moments ago had engulfed my entire ability to see, "Scarlet, mama wants to talk to you."

"Coming!" pulling a sweat shirt over my tank top. I stepped out of the safeness of my room. My feet echoed as each one stepped in front of the other, slowly descending my body to the kitchen. Blinking three times, with a slow even breath, I stepped onto the cool tile, "Yes, mother?"

Her eyes were puffy and red, she had been crying, "Scarlet, you and your sister have disgusted me. You went to a party last night, and you drank? I thought you were a good daughter. I was obviously wrong. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that my eldest daughter had to bring home a drunk seventeen year old girl."

My mouth fell open, 'Lulu you bitch.' "Mama! I didn't drink! Lulu was the one who was drinking. She even..." biting my tongue, my mother looked disgusted.

"Lying isn't tolerated in this household. Go to your room. You're grounded for the next two weeks. With that you have to do the dishes and clean Lulu's room. For even trying to blame her," she stood and pulled her shall over her shoulders tighter, "I'm disappointed in you."

Tears of anger welled up in my eyes. Blinking them back, turning on my heel, the steep steps seemed to go by faster than usual. Calmly closing my door behind me, I sat down on my bed. Silent tears of rage slipped down my cheeks. Moving from my bed to the ground, I rummaged through the pile of notebooks I had stacked. Opening the deep blue one up, setting it down, I grabbed a black ball point pen. Ripping the cap off, I added new numbers;

32. Disgrace
33. Lied about
34. Tear stained
35. Worthless disgusting daughter
36. Someone help me pull that trigger

Shutting the book closed, with a quick shove it was under my bed. Taking the back of my hand I wiped the tears away and sat at my desk. Logging onto my laptop I typed into Yahoo. Searching through my contacts I found Curtis's e-mail.

Entering the address into the bar, I put the subject I know you don't know who this is. But help me..

Curtis,
I know you don't know who this is. Or maybe you do, and if you do. I am begging you not to tell anyone what I am about to confide in you.

I want to end my life. As stupid as that sounds. I know I'm beautiful, people tell me it all the time. But it just seems like I can't stand living anymore. Life is just screwed up right now. I mean, everybody is blaming me for everything, it is taring me apart inside. And I can't do this. I am always crying. My cheeks are tear stained. But nobody can tell from the light makeup I wear.

My parents are people who are hard to talk to. My older sister is a pain, she gets everything she wants and ends up getting me in trouble. I can't take it. I don't even think anyone would notice I'd be gone if I go through it-which I probably won't-and that's why I'm telling you... So you'd know if I'm gone, or maybe you'd notice.

This is such a pointless e-mail. I know you must have a facebook and you are probably wondering why I didn't just message you this. It's because facebook isn't private, I know e-mails aren't either, but facebook is checked more. And if you don't really check this, then you won't ever know. You can just delete this e-mail and forget all about me.

Thank you for taking the time to read something so pointless.

Maybe good-bye,
S. Debating quite strongly, my mouse clicked the SEND button. Sitting myself back, tears continued to fall. I had been crying and didn't even know it. Moving back to my bed. Twisting the blinds, pulling the thick grey cover over my head, I let the darkness surround me.

;

"Curtis! You are so silly!" my pudgy fingers grabbed onto his hand.

He smiled at me, "And you're so pretty!"

A small blush crept across my chubby cheeks, "You are so handsome!"

;

The light was blinding, sitting up fast, I looked around, "Scarlet! It's like five, why are you sleeping? You promised me lunch!"

My brothers' whining face stared at mine, "Sorry Nash, I fell asleep after mom grounded me. Look, tomorrow we can go out for lunch. Just shoo!"

He smiled, then kissed my cheek, "Gotcha."

'I want to be an innocent child again.'