Scarlet's List

"Curtis! I like you... A lot, do you maybe wanna go out?" the girl had glasses, her face wasn't as clear as it was in Junior High. Her lips were still full though. Her hair still soft. Her smile still welcoming.

A roar of laughter erupted from behind me, "Hah, date that loser, and we'll give you twenty bucks, per hour!"

"Scarlet, I would love to. But I don't want people thinking that I'm just using you. Sorry."

"CURTIS! Loser, wake up you whore," my eyes blinked, they met the eyes of my cousin Jacob.

Groaning, my had swatted at him, "Get the fuck away from me."

Jacob sat down, "Hey, you have a new e-mail. It showed up on your computer when I logged on. It's from someone called; brokensmile@yahoo.com? I don't know who they are, but I think it's kinda urgent. Sorry, I gotta get going bro. I just came over to drop off your clothes from last time you were over. I'll text you later, we can chill sometime. Bye."

The footsteps descended upwards, stretching, I headed to the computer and opened up my e-mail:

Curtis,
I know you don't know who this is. Or maybe you do, and if you do. I am begging you not to tell anyone what I am about to confide in you.

I want to end my life. As stupid as that sounds. I know I'm beautiful, people tell me it all the time. But it just seems like I can't stand living anymore. Life is just screwed up right now. I mean, everybody is blaming me for everything, it is taring me apart inside. And I can't do this. I am always crying. My cheeks are tear stained. But nobody can tell from the light makeup I wear.

My parents are people who are hard to talk to. My older sister is a pain, she gets everything she wants and ends up getting me in trouble. I can't take it. I don't even think anyone would notice I'd be gone if I go through it-which I probably won't-and that's why I'm telling you... So you'd know if I'm gone, or maybe you'd notice.

This is such a pointless e-mail. I know you must have a facebook and you are probably wondering why I didn't just message you this. It's because facebook isn't private, I know e-mails aren't either, but facebook is checked more. And if you don't really check this, then you won't ever know. You can just delete this e-mail and forget all about me.

Thank you for taking the time to read something so pointless.

Maybe good-bye,
S. My eyes glued to the third paragraph, this person wants to end their life.

I cracked my fingers, they landed back onto the keys, they began to flow freely across the board:

S,
I know how you are feeling, we all feel that way at one point or another. I mean, just think about it. You probably are a beautiful person. You shouldn't want to ever think about ending your life, just think about how bad that would hurt your family.

Sure they may seem like they don't care, or that they wouldn't. But they would. They love you, they love everything about you. Hell I bet a boy loves you, and he is just too afraid to even tell you. I know I'm afraid to tell a girl that I love them.

But this isn't about me, this is about you. I wish I knew who you were, so I could run up and give you a huge hug. You sound exactly like this person, that I don't know, but they wrote a list, and it consisted of some of the things that you have messaged me about. I want to help that person. But I can't because I don't know who it is...

You have to tell someone about your feelings, or it could become more of a problem for you in the future. Maybe one day you won't be able to say you aren't gonna go through with it. Please, just remember that people love you. Don't even think about that.

In fact, just after reading what I have typed, this is almost giving me the courage to tell the girl I love, that I do love her. And that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. I want to be with her forever, hold her, and kiss her.

See, what if a guy is thinking that about you right now. He may never get the chance if you are thinking like this.

Don't do it,
Curtis. My finger clicked the SEND button with no hesitation. Jumping back over to my bed, I grabbed the list, and ran my finger over the handwriting. It looked so familiar, like I had seen it before.

"Curtis, sweetie, a girl named Scarlet is on the phone, she says it is urgent?"

"Aight! I got it," grabbing the house line, I listened as a small breath inhaled.

She giggled, "You loser, you actually thought I was that freak?! God how messed up are you? I mean seriously, you could have me, and here you are hoping you could talk to that annoying little emo freak. I mean, she doesn't even look emo. She just looks like a dyke. God get over her. Come over by the way. I need some company."

An anger grew inside my stomach, "Lila. You are a dirty little whore, and a stuck up bitch. I'm sorry to tell you the truth. I know you think that I like you and everything, but I don't. You piss me off, and make me so mad sometimes. All you do is lie, and cheat, and make people like you by using sex appeal. I am done with you. Last night at the party... I had my head on straight, I wasn't drunk or anything. Yet here you were trying to get into my pants," with a quick breath, I inhaled once more, "And you didn't get it when I said no. I am done having sex with you. I am done with it all. I am just done. I don't want to have sex with you ever again. I don't love you. And I only want to have sex with a beautiful girl, the girl that I love with my entire heart."

The other end was silent. 'God, I feel like an ass.'

"You know what Curtis? I'm pregnant. And I'm like fifty percent sure that you're the father. So fuck you. Don't ever think you will get to see this child if it is yours. Ass wipe," the line went dead.

'Dear lord, don't let me be a dad.'