Tragic Romance

If you asked me seven years ago how my life was going to turn out, I would have told you that I would partying it up with my boys in one of our houses in California, in Huntington Beach. Jimmy making crude jokes and Brian at his side most of the time. Zacky would be sipping a beer and leaning against the wall, a smile on his face as he cradled Gena to his side. Matt and Val would be married with a couple kids running around. And I would be happy with everything, I would be hanging with The Rev and Syn, begging for the duo not to toss me in the pool, but they wouldn't listen. And I would pretend to be mad, but really I'd be hiding that laughter at the victory call Jimmy was making. Everything would be different.
I never thought I'd be living on the other side of the country with a son and a boyfriend. And although my life is great and I have the job I've always wanted, everyday I wake up feeling like something is missing. And in the last fews years I've come to terms with Jimmy's death and the pain that will forever sit at the bottom of my heart, and yet I can't get over the unfelt butterflies in my stomach and unheard wishes that scramble about in my mind.
When Zacky's eyes met mine at the park I felt something I swore I would never feel for him again. Zacky is sprawled across the floor, right now, Little Zacky's head in his lap. Zack shifted and leaned his head against the back of the couch where Brian and I are sitting, Brian's arms spread over the back of the couch. Matt and Johnny are on the other couch, their eyes staring at the Zombies on the screen. I can't help but smile at my life at this very moment. In this room is almost everything I could wish for. And yet, it's all completely wrong.
Maybe it was because I pulled my legs underneath me or maybe he could sense something wasn't right, but slowly Zack's gaze left the t.v and met my mine. I smiled at him in almost a sad way. And in his eyes I saw something I hadn't seen in years, something that scared me desperately. On instinct I stood from the couch, trying to run from everything that scares me. Everyone looked to me, "What's wrong Mom?" Zacky asked, sitting up. I looked to the digital clock above the t.v, "It's your bed time, kiddo. You've got school in the morning, remember?"
Low chuckles filled the room as Zacky groaned, "Can't I just stay home tomorrow, Mom? If I go, Dad is going to leave before I get out. I don't want him to leave," Zacky told me, talking to me like no one else was in the room.
"I'm sorry, Kid. But if you miss another day, I'll be in a lot of trouble. So come on, let's go tuck you in," I mumbled, tugging his shirt so he's get up.
"I'll come with," Zack said, smiling at me. I just nodded at him and followed Zacky to the stairs. It was quiet walking to Zacky's room. His bedroom had evolved from the trucks and 'Bob the builder' stuff he had when he was younger. Now the walls were a pale blue, and Avenged Sevenfold merchandise littered the room, along with the stuff his uncles had sent him from their tours around the world.
As Little Zacky pulled his pants off, leaving him in his little black boxers I pulled his blankets down so he could hop in. I pulled the comforter up around him and sat on the edge of his bed, Zack stood next to me, smiling slightly.
"Good night, Zacky," He whispered, kissing his son's forehead, he turned to walk away and Zacky's voice stopped him, "Daddy?"
Zack stopped mid-step and turned around, "Yeah?"
"I love you and I'm going to miss you," He murmured, staring into his father's identical green eyes. Zack walked over to the other side of the bed and sat down like me. Combing his fingers through Zacky's midnight black hair, "I love you too and I always miss you. I'm so glad that I got to see you this weekend," He whispered.
"Dad?"
"Yeah Zacky?"
"Can't you stay a little longer? Just a couple more days?" He asked, his voice cracking as tears threatened to fall.
"I-" He stuttered, stopping as moisture fell on his little boy's cheek, "Oh Zacky, don't cry. I don't think it's such a good idea if we stay any longer, we've already put your Mom out, I'm sorry." He wiped the tears from Zacky's eyes. "Zack, don't worry, I'll be back," Zack pleaded with him, trying to stop the tears.
"Baby," I whispered, "He'll be back, you'll see him again soon,"
"Yeah, in another month," Zacky spit, wiping his face angrily.
I sighed, "There's nothing I can do about that, baby."
All was quiet as Zacky laid there, tears cascading from his eyes and down his warm cheeks. I sighed, "We'll be right back, baby," I mumbled as I gestured for Zack to follow me. As soon as we were in the hallway I pulled Zack to me, holding on for dear life as he buried his face in my shoulders, sniffling as he wiped away his tears on my shirt. "I'm a horrible father," He whispered in my ear.
I shook my head quickly, "You're not. You're a great father. He just misses you,"
Zacky pulled away and yet I kept my arms wrapped loosely around his waist, "Then why do I feel like such a shitty person. My son is in there begging for me not to leave him and yet I'm still going to fly back to California tomorrow,"
I took a deep breath, "You can stay," I mumbled, looking away from him as his face lit up, "Really?" He asked and I nodded.
"Under one circumstance,"
"What?" Zacky asked cautiously.
I looked up to his face, "Tell me why you hate me, now,"
Zacky was quiet, I couldn't even heard him breathing anymore. He wrapped his arms around me neck, pulling me to his chest, "I don't," His voice came out as barely a whisper.
"You sure act like it," I mumbled, his shirt clasped in my fists.
"I'm sorry,"
"Tell me why," I demanded.
"Because," He sighed, "Because you took off,"
I pulled away from him and stared in disbelief, "No, you can't be mad at me for that, you said you didn't want us anymore!"
He shook his head frantically, "I said I couldn't do that anymore,"
"Same thing,"
"No." He stated, his voice firm, "There's a big difference. I was scared, I didn't know what to do, I had to give up my son for my dreams,"
"We would've been there waiting for you," I whispered, grabbing onto the shirt at his sides.
"Until someone else came along while I was away, someone who could be there for Zacky. Someone who would make him forget about me. He would start calling someone else 'Daddy,'" His body racked with sobs and I pulled him to me to stop him from collapsing.
"So you walked away, so you wouldn't have to be around to see that day coming," I muttered, piecing it all together. He just nodded into my shoulder, "That wouldn't of happened,"
"It has,"
I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes, "He hates Carter,"
"He's a good guy,"
"Zacky doesn't think so, because he's not you. You're his Dad, he loves you,"
"I know,"
After a few minutes, Zacky pulled away and mumbled a 'thanks,' before smiling and leading me back into our sons room. Zacky was already asleep. Zack kissed his son's forehead and swept his bangs from his face. He walked past me, slightly smiling as I crept up to Little Zacky to do the same and tuck his blankets around him again.
I walked down the stairs behind Zack and he plopped down onto the floor in front of my spot on the couch, "Zack, you can pick him up from school tomorrow, since you're staying. Maybe then the kids will stop messing with him,"
Matt looked up from the movie, which was almost over anyways, "What do you mean 'messing with him'?"
I looked to all the guys' faces, "The kids at school don't believe that Zack here," I nudged Zacky with my foot, "is his real father. They think he's a liar. He gets in a lot of fights about things like that. I told his teacher that it was true, but it hasn't helped with the kids,"
Johnny growled under his breath as did Matt. "Those little punk asses, messing with my boy," Zacky growled, clenching his jaw. "Yeah, I'll pick him up tomorrow,"
"And I'll take him," Brian nodded, smiling at me.
I laughed, "Bri, he has to be there at 7:30..."
He looked at me like it was no big deal, "And..?"
I gave him a confused look, "That's AM..."
Everyone laughed, "Yeah, yeah, I can get up one day to take my nephew to school. I'll show those little kids. Synyster fucking Gates does not let some kid pick on the Mini Vengeance,"
"Neither do I!" Matt growled, the boys following suit with their agreements.
"Well then," I said, "He gets off at 2:30,"