Road To Acceptance
Reminiscing
Kali lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Random thoughs flowed through her mind.
She thought of her boyfriend, Jeremy. He was okay... He didn't hit her or anything... She just didn't really "connect" with him.
And then there was Mike... He was pretty much her best friend. She could tell him literally anything. He'd always been there for her. He was practically her brother.
And... Tre. What was there to say about him? He was just... well... Tre. Crazy, annoying, and funny as hell.
And John... She hadn't known him for that long, but he was cool...
And then there was Billie... He was one of her closest friends. She trusted him completely. But things never happened at the right time. Like that one time he serenaded her...
Kali sat on the floor, trying unsuccessfully to re-string her guitar. She heard a noise at the window. She got up and opened it, revealing Billie one story below with a guitar in one hand, small rocks in the other.
"Hey Billie..." she frowned. "Are you looking for Dianne?" Dianne was his girlfriend at the time.
"No. Actually, I was looking for you." He shuffled his feet nervously.
"Well, you found me." He gave a small laugh.
"Yeah... Hey I just have to say this and get the son of a bitch over with. I wrote a song..." Billie trailed off.
"Yes, you seem to do that a lot."
"No... I mean... I wrote one for you." Kali paused.
"Me?"
"Yeah... It's calles 'Paper Lanterns.'" He dropped the rocks and started to play.
Now I Rest My Head From
Such An Endless Dreary Time
A Time Of Hopes And Happiness
That Had You On My Mind
Those Days Are Gone And Now It Seems
As If I'll Get Some Rest
But Now And Then I'll See You Again
And It Puts My Heart To The Test
So When Are All My Problems Going To End?
I'm Understanding Now That
We Are Only Friends
To This Day I'm Asking Why
I Still Think About You
As The Days Go On I Wonder
(Will This Ever End?)
I Find It Hard To Keep Control
When You're With Your Boyrfriend
I Do Not Mind If All I Am Is
Just A Friend To You
But All I Want To Know Right Now
Is If You Think About Me Too... ?
So When Are All My Problems Going To End?
I'm Understanding Now That
We Are Only Friends
To This Day I'm Asking Why
I Still Think About You
So When Are All My Problems Going To End?
I'm Understanding Now That
We Are Only Friends
To This Day I'm Asking Why
I Still Think About You
He had stared into her eyes the entire time. Kali smiled sadly at him.
"Billie, I need to talk to you..."
"You kinda are."
"Yeah... Come on up..."
He grinned and climbed up the wall, using the gaps in the brick for support. She helped him in the window.
"You could have used the stairs," she said. Billie laughed.
"But the window is so much better. And we wouldn't have to explain to your mom why I'm coming to your house at..." he searched for a clock. "11:46 PM." Kali smiled.
"True." There was a pause.
"Okay, so... About the song..." Billie stammered. Kali blushed.
"I love it."
Billie grinned hopefully.
"But I'm with Jeremy."
His face fell. He nodded sadly.
"I'm sorry, Bill. I don't want to hurt him. He's a great guy. I don't want him to hate me... or you..." She hugged Billie.
"I just want you to know," Kali whispered, "That I feel the same way."
"Then why can't you leave him?" Billie said into her shoulder.
"It's not that easy, Beej!" he nodded.
"Please don't be mad at me..." She murmured into the crook of his neck. "Please don't hate me."
He felt warm tears hit his shoulder. He pulled away slightly and tilted her head so she looked into his dazzling green eyes.
"I could never hate you." She smiled faintly as he wiped her tears away. He pulled her in for another hug and kissed her cheek.
"I love you, Kali..." She looked at him as he blushed She pressed her lips against his. She sighed as the kiss deepened. Billie ran his hands up and down her back.
This felt so... right. Better than any kiss with Jeremy... She jumped as she realized she was still with him.
Kali frantically pulled away.
"No... I can't do this... Jeremy..." Billie nodded. There was an awkward silence.
"Hey, do you want me to string this for you?" he asked, pointing to her guitar.
"Sure. If you want." She lay on the bed, and Billie resumed her former position, starting to work on her guitar.
She watched him work, his eyebrows furrowed, tongue sticking out slightly.
She watched his fingers glinde across the varnish, and longing for the touch of those fingers made her shiver.
Her phone rang, making her jump. Billie chuckled as she answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey Kali," Jeremy said.
"Oh hey Jeremy." Billie looked at her.
"What's up?"
"Not much. You?"
"Absolutely nothing. You want to sneak out or something?"
"No... I can't."
"Why not?"
"Billie Joe is at my house."
"What!"
"He just came over to fix my guitar. Relax." Billie snorted.
"Okay babe... Say hi to him for me." Kali looked at Billie.
"Jeremy says hi." Billie nodded his head in response.
"Hey listen, Jeremy, there's something I need to talk to you about," Kali said into the phone.
"Okay shoot."
"Um... Can I talk to you in person?"
"Now?"
"No, not now... Um... Thursday maybe?"
"Sure. Where and when?"
"Um... How about Overland Park at three..."
"AM?"
"No, sorry."
"S'okay. See you then. Love you."
"Uh-huh. Bye." She hung up and continued to gaze at Billie...
Kali was supposed to meet Jeremy today... She was supposed to break up with him.
He really is a nice guy... Good boyfriend... Sorta...
But am I happy?
Yeah, sure. He's the perfect boyfriend... kinda... I mean, it's not like he hits me...
God... Is that all I'm looking for now? Someone who doesn't hit me?
Kali sighed. She looked at the clock [1:57] and picked up her phone, dialing Billie's number.
"Hello?" a woman said.
"Hello, is Billie there?" Kali stammered.
"Yes he is. BILLIE!" Kali winced as the lady yelled.
"Okay okay I got it!" she heard Billie shout. Seconds later his voice sounded over the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey Beej, this is Kali."
"Oh hey, what's up?"
"Not much... I'm supposed to meet Jeremy today at three."
"Oh... Right."
"I think I'm going to break up with him."
"What? Why? I didn't mean to cause-"
"It's not because of you. I... don't think I'm happy with him... Amd I think the only reason I haven't already is because Andrew lowered my standards..." Andrew was her last boyfriend.
"Andrew lowered your standards? How?"
"After I left him, I promised myself I wouldn't be with another guy that hit me-"
"Whoa. Wait. He hit you?"
"Once. It wasn't really anything... But that's why I left. So my only criteria was someone who didn't hit me."
"So it's not my fault you're leaving him?"
"Well... kinda..."
"What do you mean 'kinda?'"
"After that night... You restrung Lillie for me. It made me realize that..." Kali paused. "That I deserve to at least be happy. And if Jeremy can't give me that, I don't need to be with him."
"I agree. We all want to see you happy. Mike and I especially." She smiled.
"Why you two?"
"We really care about you. Not that Tre doesn't, but... We just... We've known you the longest."
"That is true..." There was a pause, a comfortable silence.
"Hey, is Mike at your house?" Billie asked.
"Um... I think so... Why?"
"I haven't been able to get ahold of him today."
"Do you want me to get hin?"
"No, it's okay."
"Alright... Well... I'll talk to you later..."
"Okey dokey. Bye Kals." She snorted.
"Bye Bills."
"Hey. That's not very nice, now is it?" She giggled.
"Goodbye, Billie Hoe Joe Armstrong."
"Oh yeah. That's better," Billie said sarcastically.
"Seriously, I have to go."
"Whyyyyy," He whined.
"I need to talk to Mikey."
He sighed dramatically.
"Okay... Hey, do me a favor?"
"As long as it's not a sexual favor."
Billie paused.
"I'll ignore that statement. Tell Mike our next gig is at the Gilman at nine on Friday?"
"Mmmkay. Bye Billie."
"Bye, Kali."
She hung up and went to Mike's room, where she found him playing Kali's bass. She knocked on the doorframe.
"Ever wonder why you have your own room in my house?" She asked him.
"Yes, actually, I have... What's up, kiddo?"
"Billie says your next gig is on Friday at nine at the Gilman."
"Awesome." He glanced at her and continued playing. When she didn't leave, he put the bass down and looked at her.
"Something wrong?" he asked.
"I think I have to break up with Jeremy."
"What? Why?"
She told him what she'd told Billie.
"I agree. You whould be happy. You should be with Billie."
"What?" Kali stared at Mike.
"He really cares about you."
"So do you."
"Yeah, but in a different way." Mike patted a spot on the bed next to him, and she sat down.
"The thing with Bill is that he doesn't trust other guys. He wants you to be treated right and only trusts himself to do it. He would never intentionally hurt you. He loves you too much."
Kali paused, trying to digest Mike's words.
"And I know about the whole 'Paper Lanterns' thing," Mike added. She looked at him curiously. "You know. When billie came to your house late at night..."
"Oh... Yeah... He told you about that?"
"Yeah. He was stoned." Kali laughed.
"When isn't he?"
"Good question."
"Hey, just out of curiosity, am I invited to this show at the Gilman?"
"Yeah. Of course. You are invited to all of our shows. It's an unspoken agreement."
"Can I get in for free?"
"Yeah... wait... why?"
"One: the last show I had to pay four dollars to get in, and two: I'm flat broke."
"Yeah, you'll get in with us."
"Awesome."
"Hey what time are you meeting Jeremy?"
"Three..."
"It's 2:42. You better go..."
"Yeah... Thanks for the talk, Mikey." She hugged him.
"No problem."
She thought of her boyfriend, Jeremy. He was okay... He didn't hit her or anything... She just didn't really "connect" with him.
And then there was Mike... He was pretty much her best friend. She could tell him literally anything. He'd always been there for her. He was practically her brother.
And... Tre. What was there to say about him? He was just... well... Tre. Crazy, annoying, and funny as hell.
And John... She hadn't known him for that long, but he was cool...
And then there was Billie... He was one of her closest friends. She trusted him completely. But things never happened at the right time. Like that one time he serenaded her...
Kali sat on the floor, trying unsuccessfully to re-string her guitar. She heard a noise at the window. She got up and opened it, revealing Billie one story below with a guitar in one hand, small rocks in the other.
"Hey Billie..." she frowned. "Are you looking for Dianne?" Dianne was his girlfriend at the time.
"No. Actually, I was looking for you." He shuffled his feet nervously.
"Well, you found me." He gave a small laugh.
"Yeah... Hey I just have to say this and get the son of a bitch over with. I wrote a song..." Billie trailed off.
"Yes, you seem to do that a lot."
"No... I mean... I wrote one for you." Kali paused.
"Me?"
"Yeah... It's calles 'Paper Lanterns.'" He dropped the rocks and started to play.
Now I Rest My Head From
Such An Endless Dreary Time
A Time Of Hopes And Happiness
That Had You On My Mind
Those Days Are Gone And Now It Seems
As If I'll Get Some Rest
But Now And Then I'll See You Again
And It Puts My Heart To The Test
So When Are All My Problems Going To End?
I'm Understanding Now That
We Are Only Friends
To This Day I'm Asking Why
I Still Think About You
As The Days Go On I Wonder
(Will This Ever End?)
I Find It Hard To Keep Control
When You're With Your Boyrfriend
I Do Not Mind If All I Am Is
Just A Friend To You
But All I Want To Know Right Now
Is If You Think About Me Too... ?
So When Are All My Problems Going To End?
I'm Understanding Now That
We Are Only Friends
To This Day I'm Asking Why
I Still Think About You
So When Are All My Problems Going To End?
I'm Understanding Now That
We Are Only Friends
To This Day I'm Asking Why
I Still Think About You
He had stared into her eyes the entire time. Kali smiled sadly at him.
"Billie, I need to talk to you..."
"You kinda are."
"Yeah... Come on up..."
He grinned and climbed up the wall, using the gaps in the brick for support. She helped him in the window.
"You could have used the stairs," she said. Billie laughed.
"But the window is so much better. And we wouldn't have to explain to your mom why I'm coming to your house at..." he searched for a clock. "11:46 PM." Kali smiled.
"True." There was a pause.
"Okay, so... About the song..." Billie stammered. Kali blushed.
"I love it."
Billie grinned hopefully.
"But I'm with Jeremy."
His face fell. He nodded sadly.
"I'm sorry, Bill. I don't want to hurt him. He's a great guy. I don't want him to hate me... or you..." She hugged Billie.
"I just want you to know," Kali whispered, "That I feel the same way."
"Then why can't you leave him?" Billie said into her shoulder.
"It's not that easy, Beej!" he nodded.
"Please don't be mad at me..." She murmured into the crook of his neck. "Please don't hate me."
He felt warm tears hit his shoulder. He pulled away slightly and tilted her head so she looked into his dazzling green eyes.
"I could never hate you." She smiled faintly as he wiped her tears away. He pulled her in for another hug and kissed her cheek.
"I love you, Kali..." She looked at him as he blushed She pressed her lips against his. She sighed as the kiss deepened. Billie ran his hands up and down her back.
This felt so... right. Better than any kiss with Jeremy... She jumped as she realized she was still with him.
Kali frantically pulled away.
"No... I can't do this... Jeremy..." Billie nodded. There was an awkward silence.
"Hey, do you want me to string this for you?" he asked, pointing to her guitar.
"Sure. If you want." She lay on the bed, and Billie resumed her former position, starting to work on her guitar.
She watched him work, his eyebrows furrowed, tongue sticking out slightly.
She watched his fingers glinde across the varnish, and longing for the touch of those fingers made her shiver.
Her phone rang, making her jump. Billie chuckled as she answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey Kali," Jeremy said.
"Oh hey Jeremy." Billie looked at her.
"What's up?"
"Not much. You?"
"Absolutely nothing. You want to sneak out or something?"
"No... I can't."
"Why not?"
"Billie Joe is at my house."
"What!"
"He just came over to fix my guitar. Relax." Billie snorted.
"Okay babe... Say hi to him for me." Kali looked at Billie.
"Jeremy says hi." Billie nodded his head in response.
"Hey listen, Jeremy, there's something I need to talk to you about," Kali said into the phone.
"Okay shoot."
"Um... Can I talk to you in person?"
"Now?"
"No, not now... Um... Thursday maybe?"
"Sure. Where and when?"
"Um... How about Overland Park at three..."
"AM?"
"No, sorry."
"S'okay. See you then. Love you."
"Uh-huh. Bye." She hung up and continued to gaze at Billie...
Kali was supposed to meet Jeremy today... She was supposed to break up with him.
He really is a nice guy... Good boyfriend... Sorta...
But am I happy?
Yeah, sure. He's the perfect boyfriend... kinda... I mean, it's not like he hits me...
God... Is that all I'm looking for now? Someone who doesn't hit me?
Kali sighed. She looked at the clock [1:57] and picked up her phone, dialing Billie's number.
"Hello?" a woman said.
"Hello, is Billie there?" Kali stammered.
"Yes he is. BILLIE!" Kali winced as the lady yelled.
"Okay okay I got it!" she heard Billie shout. Seconds later his voice sounded over the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey Beej, this is Kali."
"Oh hey, what's up?"
"Not much... I'm supposed to meet Jeremy today at three."
"Oh... Right."
"I think I'm going to break up with him."
"What? Why? I didn't mean to cause-"
"It's not because of you. I... don't think I'm happy with him... Amd I think the only reason I haven't already is because Andrew lowered my standards..." Andrew was her last boyfriend.
"Andrew lowered your standards? How?"
"After I left him, I promised myself I wouldn't be with another guy that hit me-"
"Whoa. Wait. He hit you?"
"Once. It wasn't really anything... But that's why I left. So my only criteria was someone who didn't hit me."
"So it's not my fault you're leaving him?"
"Well... kinda..."
"What do you mean 'kinda?'"
"After that night... You restrung Lillie for me. It made me realize that..." Kali paused. "That I deserve to at least be happy. And if Jeremy can't give me that, I don't need to be with him."
"I agree. We all want to see you happy. Mike and I especially." She smiled.
"Why you two?"
"We really care about you. Not that Tre doesn't, but... We just... We've known you the longest."
"That is true..." There was a pause, a comfortable silence.
"Hey, is Mike at your house?" Billie asked.
"Um... I think so... Why?"
"I haven't been able to get ahold of him today."
"Do you want me to get hin?"
"No, it's okay."
"Alright... Well... I'll talk to you later..."
"Okey dokey. Bye Kals." She snorted.
"Bye Bills."
"Hey. That's not very nice, now is it?" She giggled.
"Goodbye, Billie Hoe Joe Armstrong."
"Oh yeah. That's better," Billie said sarcastically.
"Seriously, I have to go."
"Whyyyyy," He whined.
"I need to talk to Mikey."
He sighed dramatically.
"Okay... Hey, do me a favor?"
"As long as it's not a sexual favor."
Billie paused.
"I'll ignore that statement. Tell Mike our next gig is at the Gilman at nine on Friday?"
"Mmmkay. Bye Billie."
"Bye, Kali."
She hung up and went to Mike's room, where she found him playing Kali's bass. She knocked on the doorframe.
"Ever wonder why you have your own room in my house?" She asked him.
"Yes, actually, I have... What's up, kiddo?"
"Billie says your next gig is on Friday at nine at the Gilman."
"Awesome." He glanced at her and continued playing. When she didn't leave, he put the bass down and looked at her.
"Something wrong?" he asked.
"I think I have to break up with Jeremy."
"What? Why?"
She told him what she'd told Billie.
"I agree. You whould be happy. You should be with Billie."
"What?" Kali stared at Mike.
"He really cares about you."
"So do you."
"Yeah, but in a different way." Mike patted a spot on the bed next to him, and she sat down.
"The thing with Bill is that he doesn't trust other guys. He wants you to be treated right and only trusts himself to do it. He would never intentionally hurt you. He loves you too much."
Kali paused, trying to digest Mike's words.
"And I know about the whole 'Paper Lanterns' thing," Mike added. She looked at him curiously. "You know. When billie came to your house late at night..."
"Oh... Yeah... He told you about that?"
"Yeah. He was stoned." Kali laughed.
"When isn't he?"
"Good question."
"Hey, just out of curiosity, am I invited to this show at the Gilman?"
"Yeah. Of course. You are invited to all of our shows. It's an unspoken agreement."
"Can I get in for free?"
"Yeah... wait... why?"
"One: the last show I had to pay four dollars to get in, and two: I'm flat broke."
"Yeah, you'll get in with us."
"Awesome."
"Hey what time are you meeting Jeremy?"
"Three..."
"It's 2:42. You better go..."
"Yeah... Thanks for the talk, Mikey." She hugged him.
"No problem."