Reduced To Tears.
Never
Caris woke up Saturday morning with a splitting pain dominating her left wrist. Groaning, she rolled over. Taking a look at the clock on the bedside table, it read 11:11 am. Caris snorted to herself.
“Make a fucking wish.” She hissed to herself, and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of her bed.
Her feet touched the cold wooden floor boards, and she padded across the room, out the door, and down the stairs to an empty house. Caris thought for a second. Her sister, Melanie, would have netball, then her family would go out for lunch. Which gave Caris a few hours to herself. Caris walked into the airy kitchen, and glanced out the glass with made up the fourth wall. She just stood and stared out at the beach, with the few little specks that were people sitting, or running about. Caris sighed, fixed herself an ice water, then walked back upstairs to her bedroom. She slammed the door shut, and booted up her computer. After taking a few impatient sips of her water, MSN appeared. She signed in eagerly, only to be disappointed. The only interesting people online were Andrew, Hayden and Ella. Fantastic. She went to sign out, but wasn’t fast enough. Andrew caught her straight away, and had begun to talk.
ANDREW (Y) says:
Hey Caris!!
C A R ii S x says:
Hi.
ANDREW (Y) says:
Are you okay?
Caris stared at the computer screen for a moment. She gave it a look, as if Andrew would actually see it. Of course she wasn’t okay. She was a battle field. A hostile take-over. It was a stupid question.
ANDREW (Y) says:
?
C A R ii S x says:
What do you think, genius?
ANDREW (Y) says:
I’m worried about you Amorcita. Your falling to bits.
Caris sucked her breath in fast. She felt like someone had hit her. He knew she hated it when he used her primary school nickname. She bit her tongue and cursed him for caring so much.
C A R ii S x says:
This is none of your business! I don’t have to tell you anything.
ANDREW (Y) says:
But you’ve told me everything since we were 5...
C A R ii S x says:
!!!!!
ANDREW (Y) says:
Caris, I know this is hurting you, but you shouldn’t be doing this to yourself. Hayden Fucking Prince is not worth your time!
C A R ii S x says:
And you are?
C A R ii S x says:
Bye Andrew.
Caris signed off, irritated and mad at Andrew. She knew he only wanted the best for her. ‘So why doesn’t he give it to me?’ Caris thought spitefully. She left her bedroom, MSN and her desktop, which was a picture of the happier days. It was a picture of her, Charity and Andrew at year seven camp, at abseiling. They looked young, and happy, and when you looked, Caris had the sparkle in her eye that she had began to lack so recently.
Caris felt off. Like something past its expiration date. She ran to the bathroom, and shoved a single finger down her throat, pushing harder and harder against the end of her tongue, until she finally threw up into the toilet. She knew it was wrong, and repulsive, but it was surprisingly relieving. She did it again, and again, until she felt like she was empty. She stood up, and flushed the toilet. To her dismay, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The scrawny, lifeless redhead girl. Her skin was sallow, and she was like ice. She was still as pretty as ever, but she had a sick look about her. The look you would find on someone dying with Cancer. But she wasn’t dying of an illness. She was just dying mentally, her emotions slowly being killed off, until two remained; anger and sadness.
Caris hadn’t eaten all weekend. Her stomach growled in protest, but she willed herself to starve to perfection. While she was in the shower, she groaned in hunger. Nobody heard her. Nobody ever checked on her. She was Caris, she would be fine. Caris was sobbing dryly, coughing up what wasn’t there. Her skin felt ice cold, even under the boiling water falling from the faucet. She was like a sculpture. Beautiful, tall, pale and ice cold.
Andrew stood at her front door, wondering if this was a good idea. Then he thought of the conversation he and Caris had shared on MSN. He knew what he had to do. He knocked on the front door ,and drew his hand back, waiting for an answer. Mrs Turner-Tyrin opened the door, and beamed at him, holding the door open for him to walk in.
Caris groaned and moaned, and was crying out in hunger. ‘Feed yourself! You have to eat!’ Her mind screamed out at her. But everything else was revolving around being perfect for Hayden. ‘Maybe if you were prettier. Skinnier. You would be in Hayden’s arms right now. You, instead of Ella.’ A voice said inside of her head. Taunting her, laughing. A soft knock on the door made her cease her noise. She turned the taps off, grabbed a towel, and on wrapping it around her shivering body, she opened the door to see Andrew standing there, looking nervous and sheepish, and then completely surprised to see her standing there in a towel.
“CARIS! WE’RE GOING OUT,OKAY? WE’LL BE BACK AROUND THREE. BYE SWEETIE!” Caris’s mother yelled from downstairs.
Caris didn’t reply, and moments later the front door slammed shut. Caris was frozen in shock. She just stood and stared. He finally raised his eyebrows at her, and her face crumpled. She remembered she was basically naked, and that pulled her back into reality. “
WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Caris found herself yelling.
Andrew flinched before replying. “I’VE CAME TO SEE YOU. YOUR NOT ALRIGHT,SO STOP PRETENDING TO BE!” He shouted back at her.
“I need to get dressed. Go wait in my room.” Caris said quietly, turning away.
Andrew walked away from the doorway, and Caris shut the door.
“So, I'm not happy anymore. What does it have to do with you?” Caris glared at Andrew, who was seated on her bed.
“It has everything to do with me, Caris. You know that.” Andrew said quietly.
Caris bit her tongue to stop herself from screaming swear words at him. She knew he hadn’t done anything, and it wasn’t his fault. So why was all her anger blowing out at him?
“Caris. Please.” Andrew whispered.
Caris collapsed to the floor, tears flooding her face. “It’s killing me. More and more, each day.”
Andrew fell to the floor next to her, his arms wrapped tightly around her small, weak, shaking body.
“Make it stop, Andrew. Please, make it stop.” Caris sobbed, like she was six, and something was scaring her.
“Come on, Amorcita. Don’t cry. He’s just some guy. He’s not worth your tears, you shouldn’t worry about him.” Andrew said into Caris’s hair.
“I try not to. But whenever I try, he somehow ends up in my head again! And Ella!” Caris gave a scream of despair, a and then started to sob. “Sh...She make it worse everyday... But she does it without noticing! She just goes on, and on about it!” Caris’s face was red, her eyes puffy, and her nose was running, and yet, she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Her stomach made a loud noise, and she groaned. Andrew looked at her, realisation dawning on his face.
“Caris. When was the last time you ate?” Andrew asked, his voice shaking. Caris stared at him, her corpse eyes burning holes into his. “Jesus Fucking Christ, Caris! You can’t just not eat!” Andrew yelled at her.
Caris’s face became livid. “Have you ever tried being me? IT’S NOT FAIR! It’s not fair how people say, ’oh, it’ll be alright. It’ll be okay.’ IT WON’T BE OKAY!” Caris screamed at him. Andrew stood up, pulling Caris up with him.
“We are going for a walk. And we’re you food on the way. Alright?” Andrew insisted sternly.
“No! Let me go! I DON’T WANT FOOD! I DON’T WANT TO EAT!” Caris struggled against Andrew’s strong grip, failing each time she tried to get free. Andrew knew how important it was that he didn’t let go of Caris, even for a second. She could run fast. Way faster than him, and he couldn’t let her get even the slightest of a head start.
Four hours later, Caris and Andrew were sitting together on the beach, watching the sun set. Caris was sitting in a tight little ball, hugging her knees, with a livid expression on her face, creases lining her forehead. Andrew had bought her a ton of chips, an ice-cream and a coke, and had refused to let her go until she had eaten every last bit. Grudgingly, Caris had obliged, groaning and mumbling every time she put something in her mouth. She was almost sick, but had managed to keep it all down, to Andrews pleasure.
“Andrew, why do you care so much? You could just ignore it. Like everyone else.” Caris’s face was screwed up with anger.
An image of Charity flashed through her mind, gone before it had even appeared. Apart from a few words of sympathy, Charity had lost interest. Like she had stopped noticing the smaller details. She didn’t care anymore. Andrew just looked over at Caris, who had the setting sunlight shining through her reddish hair, the sea breeze ruffling her hair, and the reflection of the sun almost making her eyes alive again. Caris and Andrew sat on the beach for a long time. Caris was shaking from coldness, loneliness and heart-break. Andrew was holding her hand, and rocking her gently. Caris was fragile and weak. Like a little antique doll. Andrew could tell how sick she really was. He knew she was naturally pale, but her paleness had turned pasty, with a slight green pallor. How nobody could see that, Andrew couldn’t understand. He thought of Charity. How could she simply just dismiss Caris? How could she simply just think this would be over in a week or two? This wasn’t going away. Charles hated Hayden Prince. He hated what he was doing to Caris, and how he was doing it. Caris gave a slight shudder, and her grip had loosened from his hand. Andrew realised she had fallen asleep. Looking at her peaceful face, she looked like the old Caris. He wondered what she was dreaming about, and he decided that it would be something that would make his delicate little Caris happy.
"Because, Caris. You are way too much to lose." He answered her question, even though he knew she wouldn't hear him.
“Make a fucking wish.” She hissed to herself, and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of her bed.
Her feet touched the cold wooden floor boards, and she padded across the room, out the door, and down the stairs to an empty house. Caris thought for a second. Her sister, Melanie, would have netball, then her family would go out for lunch. Which gave Caris a few hours to herself. Caris walked into the airy kitchen, and glanced out the glass with made up the fourth wall. She just stood and stared out at the beach, with the few little specks that were people sitting, or running about. Caris sighed, fixed herself an ice water, then walked back upstairs to her bedroom. She slammed the door shut, and booted up her computer. After taking a few impatient sips of her water, MSN appeared. She signed in eagerly, only to be disappointed. The only interesting people online were Andrew, Hayden and Ella. Fantastic. She went to sign out, but wasn’t fast enough. Andrew caught her straight away, and had begun to talk.
ANDREW (Y) says:
Hey Caris!!
C A R ii S x says:
Hi.
ANDREW (Y) says:
Are you okay?
Caris stared at the computer screen for a moment. She gave it a look, as if Andrew would actually see it. Of course she wasn’t okay. She was a battle field. A hostile take-over. It was a stupid question.
ANDREW (Y) says:
?
C A R ii S x says:
What do you think, genius?
ANDREW (Y) says:
I’m worried about you Amorcita. Your falling to bits.
Caris sucked her breath in fast. She felt like someone had hit her. He knew she hated it when he used her primary school nickname. She bit her tongue and cursed him for caring so much.
C A R ii S x says:
This is none of your business! I don’t have to tell you anything.
ANDREW (Y) says:
But you’ve told me everything since we were 5...
C A R ii S x says:
!!!!!
ANDREW (Y) says:
Caris, I know this is hurting you, but you shouldn’t be doing this to yourself. Hayden Fucking Prince is not worth your time!
C A R ii S x says:
And you are?
C A R ii S x says:
Bye Andrew.
Caris signed off, irritated and mad at Andrew. She knew he only wanted the best for her. ‘So why doesn’t he give it to me?’ Caris thought spitefully. She left her bedroom, MSN and her desktop, which was a picture of the happier days. It was a picture of her, Charity and Andrew at year seven camp, at abseiling. They looked young, and happy, and when you looked, Caris had the sparkle in her eye that she had began to lack so recently.
Caris felt off. Like something past its expiration date. She ran to the bathroom, and shoved a single finger down her throat, pushing harder and harder against the end of her tongue, until she finally threw up into the toilet. She knew it was wrong, and repulsive, but it was surprisingly relieving. She did it again, and again, until she felt like she was empty. She stood up, and flushed the toilet. To her dismay, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The scrawny, lifeless redhead girl. Her skin was sallow, and she was like ice. She was still as pretty as ever, but she had a sick look about her. The look you would find on someone dying with Cancer. But she wasn’t dying of an illness. She was just dying mentally, her emotions slowly being killed off, until two remained; anger and sadness.
Caris hadn’t eaten all weekend. Her stomach growled in protest, but she willed herself to starve to perfection. While she was in the shower, she groaned in hunger. Nobody heard her. Nobody ever checked on her. She was Caris, she would be fine. Caris was sobbing dryly, coughing up what wasn’t there. Her skin felt ice cold, even under the boiling water falling from the faucet. She was like a sculpture. Beautiful, tall, pale and ice cold.
Andrew stood at her front door, wondering if this was a good idea. Then he thought of the conversation he and Caris had shared on MSN. He knew what he had to do. He knocked on the front door ,and drew his hand back, waiting for an answer. Mrs Turner-Tyrin opened the door, and beamed at him, holding the door open for him to walk in.
Caris groaned and moaned, and was crying out in hunger. ‘Feed yourself! You have to eat!’ Her mind screamed out at her. But everything else was revolving around being perfect for Hayden. ‘Maybe if you were prettier. Skinnier. You would be in Hayden’s arms right now. You, instead of Ella.’ A voice said inside of her head. Taunting her, laughing. A soft knock on the door made her cease her noise. She turned the taps off, grabbed a towel, and on wrapping it around her shivering body, she opened the door to see Andrew standing there, looking nervous and sheepish, and then completely surprised to see her standing there in a towel.
“CARIS! WE’RE GOING OUT,OKAY? WE’LL BE BACK AROUND THREE. BYE SWEETIE!” Caris’s mother yelled from downstairs.
Caris didn’t reply, and moments later the front door slammed shut. Caris was frozen in shock. She just stood and stared. He finally raised his eyebrows at her, and her face crumpled. She remembered she was basically naked, and that pulled her back into reality. “
WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Caris found herself yelling.
Andrew flinched before replying. “I’VE CAME TO SEE YOU. YOUR NOT ALRIGHT,SO STOP PRETENDING TO BE!” He shouted back at her.
“I need to get dressed. Go wait in my room.” Caris said quietly, turning away.
Andrew walked away from the doorway, and Caris shut the door.
“So, I'm not happy anymore. What does it have to do with you?” Caris glared at Andrew, who was seated on her bed.
“It has everything to do with me, Caris. You know that.” Andrew said quietly.
Caris bit her tongue to stop herself from screaming swear words at him. She knew he hadn’t done anything, and it wasn’t his fault. So why was all her anger blowing out at him?
“Caris. Please.” Andrew whispered.
Caris collapsed to the floor, tears flooding her face. “It’s killing me. More and more, each day.”
Andrew fell to the floor next to her, his arms wrapped tightly around her small, weak, shaking body.
“Make it stop, Andrew. Please, make it stop.” Caris sobbed, like she was six, and something was scaring her.
“Come on, Amorcita. Don’t cry. He’s just some guy. He’s not worth your tears, you shouldn’t worry about him.” Andrew said into Caris’s hair.
“I try not to. But whenever I try, he somehow ends up in my head again! And Ella!” Caris gave a scream of despair, a and then started to sob. “Sh...She make it worse everyday... But she does it without noticing! She just goes on, and on about it!” Caris’s face was red, her eyes puffy, and her nose was running, and yet, she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Her stomach made a loud noise, and she groaned. Andrew looked at her, realisation dawning on his face.
“Caris. When was the last time you ate?” Andrew asked, his voice shaking. Caris stared at him, her corpse eyes burning holes into his. “Jesus Fucking Christ, Caris! You can’t just not eat!” Andrew yelled at her.
Caris’s face became livid. “Have you ever tried being me? IT’S NOT FAIR! It’s not fair how people say, ’oh, it’ll be alright. It’ll be okay.’ IT WON’T BE OKAY!” Caris screamed at him. Andrew stood up, pulling Caris up with him.
“We are going for a walk. And we’re you food on the way. Alright?” Andrew insisted sternly.
“No! Let me go! I DON’T WANT FOOD! I DON’T WANT TO EAT!” Caris struggled against Andrew’s strong grip, failing each time she tried to get free. Andrew knew how important it was that he didn’t let go of Caris, even for a second. She could run fast. Way faster than him, and he couldn’t let her get even the slightest of a head start.
Four hours later, Caris and Andrew were sitting together on the beach, watching the sun set. Caris was sitting in a tight little ball, hugging her knees, with a livid expression on her face, creases lining her forehead. Andrew had bought her a ton of chips, an ice-cream and a coke, and had refused to let her go until she had eaten every last bit. Grudgingly, Caris had obliged, groaning and mumbling every time she put something in her mouth. She was almost sick, but had managed to keep it all down, to Andrews pleasure.
“Andrew, why do you care so much? You could just ignore it. Like everyone else.” Caris’s face was screwed up with anger.
An image of Charity flashed through her mind, gone before it had even appeared. Apart from a few words of sympathy, Charity had lost interest. Like she had stopped noticing the smaller details. She didn’t care anymore. Andrew just looked over at Caris, who had the setting sunlight shining through her reddish hair, the sea breeze ruffling her hair, and the reflection of the sun almost making her eyes alive again. Caris and Andrew sat on the beach for a long time. Caris was shaking from coldness, loneliness and heart-break. Andrew was holding her hand, and rocking her gently. Caris was fragile and weak. Like a little antique doll. Andrew could tell how sick she really was. He knew she was naturally pale, but her paleness had turned pasty, with a slight green pallor. How nobody could see that, Andrew couldn’t understand. He thought of Charity. How could she simply just dismiss Caris? How could she simply just think this would be over in a week or two? This wasn’t going away. Charles hated Hayden Prince. He hated what he was doing to Caris, and how he was doing it. Caris gave a slight shudder, and her grip had loosened from his hand. Andrew realised she had fallen asleep. Looking at her peaceful face, she looked like the old Caris. He wondered what she was dreaming about, and he decided that it would be something that would make his delicate little Caris happy.
"Because, Caris. You are way too much to lose." He answered her question, even though he knew she wouldn't hear him.