My Sweet Prince.
you are the one.
The fading light falls on your face, drawing attention to lines that never used to be there, shadows making you look slightly gaunt and drawn, more tired than I've ever seen you. Your smile is weak, a pathetic attempt to reassure me that everything is okay with you, that everything will be okay with you.
You're lying and it upsets me that you think I don't know that. I know you better than anyone else. Time and time again, we've cuddled close at night, time and time again, you've been on top of me or under me, calling out my name in pleasure, your beautiful face distorted in ecstasy. I've seen you at your most vulnerable, your raw and unshielded passion burning through, your despair and your happiness taking on new forms for my eyes only.
So, what makes you think I can't tell how you're feeling? And what makes you think it's so insignificant that you shouldn't bother me with it?
I step closer to you and take my place on the mattress next to your body, wrapping my arm around your waist and pulling you into my body. A slight reluctance tugs at your body but you eventually allow me to move you, the smile on your full lips is growing but the light in your eyes is fading. I wonder if I've done something wrong and I start to panic a little inside. But you turn your head and kiss me softly on the cheek, holding the connection a little longer than necessary, before resting your head on my chest.
I kiss your hair, nuzzle my face into those deep brown silky strands, inhaling the scent of mint and coconut and sweat, your shampoo, conditioner and natural scent mixing in one intoxicating, delicious aroma. You allow me to squeeze you tighter, wrapping both of my arms around you and caressing the skin of your back with my large right hand. A small mewl escapes your throat at the contact and I smile despite myself.
"Why do you want me?" your voice is tiny, barely audible and you hide your face in my shirt, "Honestly... I'm not good enough for you."
I hold back a snort of indignation. You're not good enough for me? Me with the crooked teeth, bad back and facial marks, the dorky, slightly childish nature and the social skills of a hermit? I poke you in the side, relishing the feel of the smooth, milky white skin beneath my fingertips. I've never considered myself ugly, but you... you're exceptional in every single bloody way.
"Of course, you're not good enough, you wonderful, beautiful, insane man," I say, my voice incredulous, "You're too good."
"You're just saying that..." and I hear the softest tremor in your voice, because you want to believe it but you just can't, "to make me feel better."
"No. I'm not," my voice turns stern because we've had this conversation half a million times and what I'm saying never seems to sink into that pretty little head of yours, "You know I'm not but you don't want to believe it."
You turn your head and blink up at me, your pretty dark eyes searching my face for a hint of dishonesty. And all you find there is adoration and concern. You close your eyes and sigh gently, the soft smile returning - this time it looks a little more genuine.
"I'm sorry," you whisper, turning your head to kiss my neck several times.
"Don't be," I smile, enjoying the feeling.
"I just... I can't help it, Tosh. Every time, I take one step forward and two steps back. I'm getting sick of feeling like this... I just can't see why you'd want me. You're so beautiful and I'm just... me."
I stare down at you for a while, not really knowing what to say to this. How can I make you see that you are everything that I could ever ask for... and more? Ever since I plucked up the courage and asked you out, five years ago, my life has been wonderful. You've always been there to support me, to be my friend, to be my big brother and now my lover. I can't imagine my life without you there. I also can't put all this into words - it's not that simple to tell someone how much they have changed your life.
"Yes," I begin, sighing heavily and returning to stroking your back softly, the other hand fiddling with a thick strand of silky hair, "you are just you. And that is exactly why I want you. Because you have always been you. And you will always be you. And that is all I want, is all I ask of you. Can you understand that?"
"Yes, but -"
"No buts. You wanted to know why I'd want you. And I told you. Now you just have to accept it," I tap you lightly on the shoulder to make you sit up and I look into your face. There's a faint light of understanding and acceptance shining in your eyes and I smile gently, cupping your face in my right hand, stroking the corner of your mouth with my thumb, "I love you. There's no real reason behind it. I just always have and I don't plan on stopping any time soon. Simple, right?"
You nod and grin the grin that I've been waiting for all week, the one that lights up your entire face and leaves me breathless every time.
"Yes, it's simple. And I guess I should know that... because I feel the same way about you."
You're lying and it upsets me that you think I don't know that. I know you better than anyone else. Time and time again, we've cuddled close at night, time and time again, you've been on top of me or under me, calling out my name in pleasure, your beautiful face distorted in ecstasy. I've seen you at your most vulnerable, your raw and unshielded passion burning through, your despair and your happiness taking on new forms for my eyes only.
So, what makes you think I can't tell how you're feeling? And what makes you think it's so insignificant that you shouldn't bother me with it?
I step closer to you and take my place on the mattress next to your body, wrapping my arm around your waist and pulling you into my body. A slight reluctance tugs at your body but you eventually allow me to move you, the smile on your full lips is growing but the light in your eyes is fading. I wonder if I've done something wrong and I start to panic a little inside. But you turn your head and kiss me softly on the cheek, holding the connection a little longer than necessary, before resting your head on my chest.
I kiss your hair, nuzzle my face into those deep brown silky strands, inhaling the scent of mint and coconut and sweat, your shampoo, conditioner and natural scent mixing in one intoxicating, delicious aroma. You allow me to squeeze you tighter, wrapping both of my arms around you and caressing the skin of your back with my large right hand. A small mewl escapes your throat at the contact and I smile despite myself.
"Why do you want me?" your voice is tiny, barely audible and you hide your face in my shirt, "Honestly... I'm not good enough for you."
I hold back a snort of indignation. You're not good enough for me? Me with the crooked teeth, bad back and facial marks, the dorky, slightly childish nature and the social skills of a hermit? I poke you in the side, relishing the feel of the smooth, milky white skin beneath my fingertips. I've never considered myself ugly, but you... you're exceptional in every single bloody way.
"Of course, you're not good enough, you wonderful, beautiful, insane man," I say, my voice incredulous, "You're too good."
"You're just saying that..." and I hear the softest tremor in your voice, because you want to believe it but you just can't, "to make me feel better."
"No. I'm not," my voice turns stern because we've had this conversation half a million times and what I'm saying never seems to sink into that pretty little head of yours, "You know I'm not but you don't want to believe it."
You turn your head and blink up at me, your pretty dark eyes searching my face for a hint of dishonesty. And all you find there is adoration and concern. You close your eyes and sigh gently, the soft smile returning - this time it looks a little more genuine.
"I'm sorry," you whisper, turning your head to kiss my neck several times.
"Don't be," I smile, enjoying the feeling.
"I just... I can't help it, Tosh. Every time, I take one step forward and two steps back. I'm getting sick of feeling like this... I just can't see why you'd want me. You're so beautiful and I'm just... me."
I stare down at you for a while, not really knowing what to say to this. How can I make you see that you are everything that I could ever ask for... and more? Ever since I plucked up the courage and asked you out, five years ago, my life has been wonderful. You've always been there to support me, to be my friend, to be my big brother and now my lover. I can't imagine my life without you there. I also can't put all this into words - it's not that simple to tell someone how much they have changed your life.
"Yes," I begin, sighing heavily and returning to stroking your back softly, the other hand fiddling with a thick strand of silky hair, "you are just you. And that is exactly why I want you. Because you have always been you. And you will always be you. And that is all I want, is all I ask of you. Can you understand that?"
"Yes, but -"
"No buts. You wanted to know why I'd want you. And I told you. Now you just have to accept it," I tap you lightly on the shoulder to make you sit up and I look into your face. There's a faint light of understanding and acceptance shining in your eyes and I smile gently, cupping your face in my right hand, stroking the corner of your mouth with my thumb, "I love you. There's no real reason behind it. I just always have and I don't plan on stopping any time soon. Simple, right?"
You nod and grin the grin that I've been waiting for all week, the one that lights up your entire face and leaves me breathless every time.
"Yes, it's simple. And I guess I should know that... because I feel the same way about you."