Love That Leaps Without A Shove
thirteen
A few people had gathered around… the only sound audible was the noise of dried up leaves being crushed underneath shoes and the occasional blowing of noses and throats choking on tears.
“I knew her for a very long time… she didn’t deserve this. Lily was the type of person that deserved something better, a chance to shine at what she did best. I just… don’t want to believe she’s gone like that,” Tom Hamilton said while holding himself, feeling cold and empty. The sky was dark, it was early December and everything was covered in a layer of coldness.
The coffin had just gone in the ground, people threw some flowers inside, some occasionally deciding to pay last respects and say a word or two.
A man stepped forward, shaking… not from the cold, he stood silent for a while, standing next to Tom. He looked like a mess, as if he hadn’t fed in days and could barely manage to stand on his own two legs. Joe Perry was a shadow of the young man he used to be… in a matter of days he had aged 30 years.
Coughing loudly and closing his eyes together, he stared down at the wooden casket. It was surreal to think that she was inside there right that moment; he couldn’t believe she was going to be buried in a matter of minutes, under all that dirt.
“Lily…” he mumbled and hid his shaking hands inside his coat. “I am so sorry. Did I do this to you? I fucked up… and now… fuck. I thought what I did was the best for all of us.”
He took a deep breath while a couple of tears rolled down his cheeks. “I never stopped loving you… I hope you knew that. I loved you from the first moment I saw you… laughing, smiling the way you do… and now this. It's… crazy. I don’t want to think this is really happening, every day that passes, I pray to wake up from this nightmare… but I don’t.”
**
I jumped straight up, bringing myself back to consciousness and out of my nap. My throat felt dry and swollen; I had been sleeping face down on the pillow and felt like I couldn’t get much air in my lungs.
“What the heck…?” I mumbled to myself. Seeing nightmares of me being dead were a whole new experience. The last time I remember being awake was kicking Joe out of my room and then?
Oh, yeah, I downed a whole bottle of tequila. He was marrying her… in just a couple of hours. Tomorrow morning, a beautiful day for the rest of humanity but myself. Why had I even bothered coming here in the first place? All I got was heartbreak because I kept insisting on things that were over. Joe and I were over and this was getting tiring; me running after him and getting rejected. I was a big girl and hell, maybe it was time to act like one.
I shed my clothes and jumped in the shower, staying under the water for a long time while I scrubbed off all the grunge and pain and emotion that had accumulated on me. If I could, I would have scrapped my skin to pieces, I was a piece of trash, what kind of woman tries to steal a man from another woman? Sure, Elyssa was a bitch but I would never want that to happen to me, so why inflict it on someone else in the first place?
I was egotistical, that’s why.
I found a nice dress that wasn’t even mine; I slipped into some comfortable flat shoes and put my hair in a bun. I left the room quietly, stepping on the soft carpet on my way to the elevator.
I was certain that somebody would be down by the bar; the place I was heading down to in the first place.
Brad and Tom were sitting by the bar with another man, talking and being social. I smiled politely and sat by Tom.
“Lily, perfect timing, we were about to go, please have a chat with our fellow over here?” Tom said and basically sprinted off, Brad smirking and making a run for it himself.
I grinded my teeth with frustration, I couldn’t believe they were hooking me up with some stranger after all of this shit that happened. Being the lady I always was, I struck up a conversation.
“Listen here buddy, those dinks think they’re smart but let me tell you something, I will-“
He cut in, laughing nervously. “No no, this is not what you think. I am Andrew Grey and I work for a publishing company and I happened to come across some of your work!”
I remained silent for a split second. “What? Okay, if this is a prank, I will cut their throats and make Christmas stockings out of them.”
“I assure you it’s not a prank, I have this,” he said and pushed a book towards me. On closer inspection, I realized it was my journal; my precious notebook I thought had been lost.
“Oh sweet lord,” I shrieked and clutched it like a baby to my chest.
“I have got to say we are very interested in you writing for us, Garner and Briton publications like to scout for fresh new writers that can give something different to us.”
“You mean you want me to work for you?” I asked dumbfounded.
“Actually, we’d like you to sign a contract for a book or more if you’re interested, there will be some discussing to do and-“
“A BOOK? A WHOLE BOOK? Like what kind, oh my god, this is amazing!” I could barely stay in my seat, I wanted to jump around the place and kiss everybody!
“We are willing to give you time to come up with ideas and we’d love to see them materialize into something great!”
“Well, fuck… excuse my language but this is terrific!” I said, hugging him. He gave me a business card with the phone numbers and address of the offices and I hugged him again.
“When you return back to Boston, please do drop by, we will be waiting,” he smiled and waved goodbye.
Before he left, I called out to him. “But… how did you find my notebook? I thought I had lost it!”
He turned around and smiled. “Mister Perry is the person you should be thanking, he contacted me and told me you were a pretty good risk for us to take, he showed me your notes and I couldn’t agree more!”
With that he left and I was speechless yet incredibly overjoyed. Joe did that for me, he did that for me… Did he think it was the least he could do for a troubled little girl who was head-over-heels for him? Had I just turned into one of those chicks you had to give presents to in order to keep things smooth?
Hell, no matter what the reason was, it was thoughtful and out of character to say the least. Not that he wasn’t a giving person, this whole situation just felt unexpected to me and to be honest, it felt like a big drunk dream. Maybe it was time I got something back… maybe it was a small thank you, a way of putting the past behind. It was perhaps time to move on?
“I knew her for a very long time… she didn’t deserve this. Lily was the type of person that deserved something better, a chance to shine at what she did best. I just… don’t want to believe she’s gone like that,” Tom Hamilton said while holding himself, feeling cold and empty. The sky was dark, it was early December and everything was covered in a layer of coldness.
The coffin had just gone in the ground, people threw some flowers inside, some occasionally deciding to pay last respects and say a word or two.
A man stepped forward, shaking… not from the cold, he stood silent for a while, standing next to Tom. He looked like a mess, as if he hadn’t fed in days and could barely manage to stand on his own two legs. Joe Perry was a shadow of the young man he used to be… in a matter of days he had aged 30 years.
Coughing loudly and closing his eyes together, he stared down at the wooden casket. It was surreal to think that she was inside there right that moment; he couldn’t believe she was going to be buried in a matter of minutes, under all that dirt.
“Lily…” he mumbled and hid his shaking hands inside his coat. “I am so sorry. Did I do this to you? I fucked up… and now… fuck. I thought what I did was the best for all of us.”
He took a deep breath while a couple of tears rolled down his cheeks. “I never stopped loving you… I hope you knew that. I loved you from the first moment I saw you… laughing, smiling the way you do… and now this. It's… crazy. I don’t want to think this is really happening, every day that passes, I pray to wake up from this nightmare… but I don’t.”
**
I jumped straight up, bringing myself back to consciousness and out of my nap. My throat felt dry and swollen; I had been sleeping face down on the pillow and felt like I couldn’t get much air in my lungs.
“What the heck…?” I mumbled to myself. Seeing nightmares of me being dead were a whole new experience. The last time I remember being awake was kicking Joe out of my room and then?
Oh, yeah, I downed a whole bottle of tequila. He was marrying her… in just a couple of hours. Tomorrow morning, a beautiful day for the rest of humanity but myself. Why had I even bothered coming here in the first place? All I got was heartbreak because I kept insisting on things that were over. Joe and I were over and this was getting tiring; me running after him and getting rejected. I was a big girl and hell, maybe it was time to act like one.
I shed my clothes and jumped in the shower, staying under the water for a long time while I scrubbed off all the grunge and pain and emotion that had accumulated on me. If I could, I would have scrapped my skin to pieces, I was a piece of trash, what kind of woman tries to steal a man from another woman? Sure, Elyssa was a bitch but I would never want that to happen to me, so why inflict it on someone else in the first place?
I was egotistical, that’s why.
I found a nice dress that wasn’t even mine; I slipped into some comfortable flat shoes and put my hair in a bun. I left the room quietly, stepping on the soft carpet on my way to the elevator.
I was certain that somebody would be down by the bar; the place I was heading down to in the first place.
Brad and Tom were sitting by the bar with another man, talking and being social. I smiled politely and sat by Tom.
“Lily, perfect timing, we were about to go, please have a chat with our fellow over here?” Tom said and basically sprinted off, Brad smirking and making a run for it himself.
I grinded my teeth with frustration, I couldn’t believe they were hooking me up with some stranger after all of this shit that happened. Being the lady I always was, I struck up a conversation.
“Listen here buddy, those dinks think they’re smart but let me tell you something, I will-“
He cut in, laughing nervously. “No no, this is not what you think. I am Andrew Grey and I work for a publishing company and I happened to come across some of your work!”
I remained silent for a split second. “What? Okay, if this is a prank, I will cut their throats and make Christmas stockings out of them.”
“I assure you it’s not a prank, I have this,” he said and pushed a book towards me. On closer inspection, I realized it was my journal; my precious notebook I thought had been lost.
“Oh sweet lord,” I shrieked and clutched it like a baby to my chest.
“I have got to say we are very interested in you writing for us, Garner and Briton publications like to scout for fresh new writers that can give something different to us.”
“You mean you want me to work for you?” I asked dumbfounded.
“Actually, we’d like you to sign a contract for a book or more if you’re interested, there will be some discussing to do and-“
“A BOOK? A WHOLE BOOK? Like what kind, oh my god, this is amazing!” I could barely stay in my seat, I wanted to jump around the place and kiss everybody!
“We are willing to give you time to come up with ideas and we’d love to see them materialize into something great!”
“Well, fuck… excuse my language but this is terrific!” I said, hugging him. He gave me a business card with the phone numbers and address of the offices and I hugged him again.
“When you return back to Boston, please do drop by, we will be waiting,” he smiled and waved goodbye.
Before he left, I called out to him. “But… how did you find my notebook? I thought I had lost it!”
He turned around and smiled. “Mister Perry is the person you should be thanking, he contacted me and told me you were a pretty good risk for us to take, he showed me your notes and I couldn’t agree more!”
With that he left and I was speechless yet incredibly overjoyed. Joe did that for me, he did that for me… Did he think it was the least he could do for a troubled little girl who was head-over-heels for him? Had I just turned into one of those chicks you had to give presents to in order to keep things smooth?
Hell, no matter what the reason was, it was thoughtful and out of character to say the least. Not that he wasn’t a giving person, this whole situation just felt unexpected to me and to be honest, it felt like a big drunk dream. Maybe it was time I got something back… maybe it was a small thank you, a way of putting the past behind. It was perhaps time to move on?