Love That Leaps Without A Shove

There was a fucking pole in the middle of our table. I had never had a stripper so close to me before, basically on top of me.

“Joey, there’s an ass in my drink,” I muttered in his ear. He laughed out loud but the music was too loud, I couldn’t hear anything else coming out of his mouth.

Everybody seemed to be having a good time, chatting non-stop while my drink kept refilling; by whom I do not know. The dancers were really distracting, all I kept thinking was how they could dance with those shoes on. And what happened if they fell off the pole?
Would they just keep dancing or would it be too embarrassing?

I could taste alcohol on my tongue, I could no longer feel any liquid go down my throat, it had been coated by all the alcohol. It started out with some drink with vodka… right now, I had no idea what I was drinking; I was never good at distinguishing drinks.
The only things I knew were vodka and whiskey.

I twirled the glass between my hands… this was boring.

The guys were slipping dollars in her underwear. I would have done the same if I didn’t care about my money…
That’s when I first noticed how they were all playing with drugs. Okay, the pot was a given for almost everybody nowadays but Joe and Steven kept going to the bathroom all the time. Not together, that would have worried me in a different way.

How could I not notice this before?
They were wiping their noses all the time, sniffling, it was irritating to hear that noise every six seconds. Cocaine was a serious drug, I knew people that didn’t end up good after using it. Most of them got insanely paranoid and one had committed suicide.

“How long have they been doing this?” I asked Tom, whispering in his ear. The last thing I wanted was Joe and Steven to hear me.

He tensed up, moving in his seat uncomfortably. “Look Lily, its not like we haven’t tried… but… umm, the past year has been tough. But don’t worry, they’ll be fine.”

I nodded flimsly, setting my drink on the table as the stripper left. Joe hadn’t even been paying the stripper any attention; he must love Elyssa… damn it.

“Lily, maybe you’d like to close your mouth…” I heard Brad mutter and a chorus of chuckles sounded off.

“What?” I snapped.

“You’ve been staring out at outer space for five minutes now,” Joe explained, running his fingers through his hair. I watched him like he was in slow motion. As if he were on that table shaking that thing. Oh I could just imagine slipping money in his tight underwear.

“Lils, you okay?” asked Tom, half-screaming in my ear. I snapped out of it and nodded a bit too eargerly.

“She’s drunk,” Steven stated.

I shrugged. Could I even argue at this point? Maybe another glass of whatever the fuck I was drinking would help clear my mind. Or maybe I should take Joey’s, he hadn’t touched it for a while.

I took Joey’s full glass and started drinking it. And when Brad went to piss, I took his. And while everybody was busy talking to each other and when Joe was being congratulated by some random people, I took their drinks as well.
My bladder felt like it was going to burst. Having alcohol stored in there had a different feeling compared to water. Alcohol felt heavier. I stood on my two feet and made sure that I wouldn’t fall. I walked carefully down the stairs to the bathroom, pulled my pants down and pied for what felt like half an hour.
Alcoholic piss always reeked. But it smelled worse the day after. God my piss would smell so bad tomorrow.

Walking up the stairs felt like an outer body experience. I would make a fool of myself if I fell and thankfully, I had mastered acting sober back in my adolescence. People would ask me if I was wasted and I’d wave them away.
Of course, if I opened my mouth and said something, they would at once now I had been drinking.

If I recall correctly, that was how Tom and I had met, at some party while I was drunk out of my mind. Tom was making everybody laugh and I, in my drunken state, found his height amusing so I randomly went up to him and laughed.
From what they tell me, he wasn’t even talking at that point but found me very bizarre, so we started talking.
I wouldn’t know what we were talking about, I was flying. But that was how we met.

I found the table, silently taking my place and pretending I had never left.

“Woah, your eyes our bloodshot,” Joe commented from across me.

“Hey, where did my drink go? All I have is an empty glass!” Joey shouted.

The five of them turned to me, with raised eyebrows.

“And who the fuck are you to judge me? I say, why patronize?” I slurred, waving a finger threatingly.

Brad rolled his eyes. “Great, now we have to carry her back.”

“Well, sorry mister Brad, didn’t mean to bust your pancake….” I mumbled, until I replayed the sentence in my head. “Bubble I meant.”

“At least she’s correcting herself,” Joe said. “C’mon, let’s head back guys, gotta wake up early tomorrow.”

So with that and leaning against Joey and Joe… while feeling my heart swell up to an unimaginable size. I could feel his ribs through his shirt, I could smell the manly scent coming off of him… I could taste the cigarettes he’d smoked.
I almost passed out on the ride back but I controlled myself while I felt like throwing up. I hung my head out of the window for the longest time, feeling the cool breeze of night-time Los Angeles until I felt better.

My feet were dragging themselves on the hotel’s carpeting and I had really started to act drunk. I tried pressing all the elevator buttons, I started singing to Ballroom Blitz, including dance movements and for some odd reason, I kept touching Brad’s moustache.

Joe had to pull me in my room and find my key for me in the depths of the bag I had, while Steven had found yet another girl to keep his bed warm for the night. I envied him… that bastard would never be lonely in his life.

“Please cooperate,” Joe mumbled as I stood dead still in front of my room. I almost fell down upon taking that first step inside. But I held on the wall at the last minute. Deciding it was a risk walking, I kneeled and crawled to bed.

“Are you serious?” he asked, laughing but probably feeling sorry for me. He lifted me on the bed and took my shoes off. He kinda sat there for a moment, doing nothing and I felt the air get heavier… was this a moment?
Could I just drag myself towards him and pull his shirt off? Could I kiss his lips like how I used to, back when we were all alone in his quiet room? Would he say no right now?

“Goodnight Lily,” he said, pulling aside the hair that covered my face.

He unlocked the joined door and closed it behind him. I almost fell asleep immediately… until I could hear people getting it on the other side. Damn you Steven Tyler.