Love That Leaps Without A Shove

I tried making Steven shut up but he kept yapping and going crazy from what he had just found out. I swear, he almost jumped on the table.

“This is huge! Shit, don’t tell me you came here to get him back?” he asked me, looking deep into my eyes. I felt my hands shake.

“If that happened, I certainly wouldn’t mind… but look at her, she’s everything I’ll ever be.”

He snorted. “You do remember that Joe once chose you over every Boston girl right? And we both know Boston has pretty ladies out there, willing to please a man in every way… and yet he still chose you, right?”

I let his words linger a bit longer in my head. I couldn’t deny that fact, but that was long ago, people changed…

“I don’t know what to do…” I sighed, “when I found out he was getting married, I felt like someone was stabbing my heart and throwing it in a blender.”

“Sounds very pleasant, but the question is what you’re willing to do for him. You and Joe broke up back then for what reason?”

“I was never at ease with him around other people… and he hated that. He thought I was ashamed…” I confessed. “But how could he think that? I’ve never met a man like him, he’s… I don’t know, like himself.”

“Always had a way with words,” he teased, resisting to roll his eyes at me. I ate some of the fries left over on my plate until I decided to speak again.

“Should I just tell him? Or do something and see how he reacts? I really never thought I’d have feelings for him again… I mean, maybe these things inside me awoke when I heard about Elyssa… but let’s say that Joe does ditch her. What if I stop liking him and then I find out that all I ever felt was jealousy? Huh? What if its just envy Steven?”

“Doubt its envy, you always have that dreamy look around him Lily… you look like you have Down’s syndrome and when he speaks to you, you suddenly wake up. Its quite frightening actually,” he admitted. “And you did hurt him back then you know. Joe needs someone expressive because he himself is reclusive. He wouldn’t speak if it wasn’t needed in everyday life. I guess that’s what he sees in Elyssa, a very outward person, but of course he decides to erase the fact that she will bring him down.”

“Steven, how will I tell him?”

“Wait ‘til he’s high,” he mumbled, smirking wickedly.

I cocked my eyebrow.

“That sounds horrible. And I don’t wanna be a rapist!”

“Who said anything about rape? Just wear something with open access to your twins and he’ll respond like every male in their right mind!”

I laughed, almost squirting water out of my nose. “Advice from Steven Tyler, who would have thought… but then again, look at you, dressed like a woman and still getting loads of women in your bed!”

“I do not dress like a woman,” he said, pouting.

“Yeah, you’re right, your clothes are more like stolen wallpaper wrapped tightly around your body!” I shouted, bursting with laughter while he threw me a piece of bread. Still laughing, we paid and left the place, receiving weird glances by the owners and the people having their lunch.

Steven and I parted ways; I had decided to buy some clothes while I was here, would they make a difference anyway? I highly doubted it.

“Lily!” I heard him shout. I turned around.

“What?”

“He likes seven a lot. In the afternoon,” he spoke, with mischief in his eyes.

“Huh?” I asked. What the hell was he talking about?

“Seven, he likes to take stuff.”
With a wink of an eye and extending an arm, he got a cab in a matter of seconds and disappeared out of sight. A curious being indeed, that Steven.

I walked passed shops that were too expensive for my taste. I lighted a cigarette and looked through the glass, admiring clothes that were nice and clothes that were simply ridiculous.

I stumbled upon a thrift shop.
Shrugging to myself, I thought, what the hell, why not? The smell was intoxicating, I could tell that somebody had smoked pot a few minutes ago, the scent still hung heavily all around the racks of clothes.
I parted coat-hangers in half and found something eye-catching. A shirt, simple but alarming in a way. It wanted to be mine. It was dark blue, with vertical red lines running down. Some of the top buttons were missing… now was that coincidence that I had decided to follow Steven’s advice and show some flesh? I do not know…

I grabbed the shirt and it was final, this baby was mine. I paid and decided that since I had lots of time, I could just hang around at the pool and cool off… until I had to go over at Joe’s room and confess my undying love.
I hated myself for being such a chick.

Upon leaving the shop, I headed down the street, trying to find some kind of transportation. It was pointless. I had to find a cab, my body was craving some shade.

I felt a tug.

I turned around and saw this guy, on the small side but still larger than me. He was unshaved and his eyes were shinning. The hair on his head was unwashed, dirty, tired-looking and sad hair. His arm was extended towards me. I realized he had a knife. A switch-blade, not small at all. My whole body tensed in the sight of it, my gut told me this was no good, my survival instincts, the ones I thought I’d never have to use in my life, were suddenly taking over and processing the situation.

It was just like freezing, not able to do a thing even if my brain was screaming to do something. All the reason I had in my head had vanished. Poof, like that. He took a step closer, dangling the shiny blade towards my neck.
I didn’t move; I had never been threatened before in my life. Blood was pulsating towards my head. I should speak, ask him what he wants. I should scream for help. Maybe push him away and he’d leave, maybe he’s just a powerless junkie. What would happen if I stayed still? Would he leave?

I opened my bag, my brain at last taking action, throwing him the money I had left in my wallet. I ran while he picked it up from the ground.
I ran and ran and he didn’t come after me. I had passed at least five blocks and never did I see anyone run towards me. My heart was beating against my chest so hard that I thought it would break my ribcage and find another body to live in. I struggled to control my tears while I was running. I saw familiar places but didn’t give a shit, all I was trying to do was get away from that place.

I realized I was only two block away from the hotel; had I really run that long? Once I regained my composure, I checked my watch. I had been sprinting for my life for an hour now. I bit my lip as I walked past the lobby.

The elevator seemed to take ages. I nervously tapped my foot on the ground. This hadn’t happened. Nope. It was too fast. No, it wasn’t me getting mugged. I ran away in time, he didn’t touch me. What if?

I burst into tears as soon as I was safely inside my room.
Crying like there was no tomorrow, I fell on the couch. This hadn’t happened. Nah, my imagination. Why was I upset? Nothing had happened at all.

I was gasping for air, crying hard, feeling my cheeks burn from the tears. It had been a long time since I last cried.

Right when I thought I had calmed down, a pair of arms snaked around me. Startled and ready to put up a fight in case it was a lunatic after me, I almost screamed. It was Joe. Of course.

I furiously started wiping my face, desperately trying to hide the obvious.

“Are you okay?” he asked loudly, holding me in a way so that I could look at him. He had kneeled on the couch and didn’t seem to want to leave until I explained.

“I… this guy with a knife…” I stuttered, as my cheeks burned even more and my eyes seemed to fill up again.

“Are you hurt?” he demanded as he shook me lightly, in a way for me to speak clearly.

I shook my head no and he pulled me against his chest. It was uncontrollable, the tears flowed carelessly and I couldn’t do anything but lean against him. My tears were soaking through his shirt, they were running down my mouth and they were so sweat. Like water with sugar in it.

“I heard you cry so loud and I was scared…”

I pulled away. “What would happen if I died? If he slit my throat, would I have time to go to the hospital? Would they save me ir would I die? I can’t…”
My voice was full of panic, I knew I wasn’t making any sense but these questions were the only things in my mind. All it took was a simple encounter like that to fuck me up.

“Its over now… nobody’s going to hurt you,” he whispered soothingly in my ear. They always said it was over, I had heard it 100 times in movies. I wasn’t taking part in a lame-ass movie.

“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” I admitted after a while, once I had stopped crying. I could feel my face flushed.

Joe was concerned, his eyes darted around my face, as if they were checking me, making sure every part of me was okay.

“Let’s put you to bed,” he whispered gently, scooping me up.

“No!” I shouted, as he walked towards my bed.

He gave me a confused look. “You need to relax.”

“I can’t fall asleep… what if somebody just comes in here?”
I had never been so paranoid, ever. In a matter of hours, my mood had done a 360 degrees turn. I couldn’t do this, I felt like danger was lurking around every corner. It was insane, I know, but I was shaking. I leapt out of Joe’s arms, landing on my feet and locking my door, double-checking the windows as well.

“Lily, you need to calm down. No-one’s going to get you in here… forget about it.”

“I could have died Joe! Do you know how many thoughts are going through my head because of this? What if I’m walking down the street and someone kills me? What if my parents are in danger and I don’t even know? Wh-”

“Stop! If something were to happen it would just happen, we can’t just fucking live in constant terror… we have to man up and be happy for what we have…”

I wasn’t happy. I was living a routine life that gave me nothing. “I need a drink,” I mumbled.

“You need to calm down, do you need a pill?”
He didn’t let me answer his question and went into his room. I followed him.

I had never been in his room. It was exactly like mine but messy. Guitar picks, ashtrays and bottles, newspaper, nothing that hinted Elyssa’s female presence. Did he even let room service clean this place up at all?
Towels were thrown on the floor, old cigarettes… anything and everything lived in the chaos of room 801, his room.
He handed me a pill and a bottle of water. My hands were still shaking. I consumed it and stood still. What had he given me? Was it some drug that would hurt me?

“Its just to relax you,” he mumbled, reading my thoughts or most likely, my freaked-out face.

“Can I stay here?” I pleaded.

“of course,” he said without giving any second thought. I hid in his sheets, which didn’t smell like Elyssa thank god. Any thoughts of trying to explain and put the moves on him were erased from my mind because I needed him as a friend.

I closed my eyes and heard him wander around the room until I fell asleep. It was a thoughtless sleep, a deep sleep that knocked me out.
It was exactly what the doctor had ordered.