Love That Leaps Without A Shove

Hours later, I went to the hotel’s restaurant, had a bite and two glasses of wine and went on my way back upstairs, to my room, where I could plot some more. When I got to my room, I stripped and laughed, mostly in shock but also because I would love to see Elyssa’s face when she’d take a good look at me.

I looked like some illegal immigrant. It was just amazing what a couple of hours in the sun could do. I had weird tan lines, especially where my bra straps used to be. And since the dress was going to be strapless, that made it even better.
Probably after some weeks, I’d lose the tan but it was just perfect for Sunday. Two days until the dreaded event would take place. I wondered what the wedding would look like… obviously something extravagant that would acquire every last cent Joe had saved ever, probably by a lake. It would have been a perfect setting for strangling Elyssa and watch her bubbles reaching the surface of the water.

Joe and I were over, completely over. The friendship we had had crumbled to pieces thanks to my stupid kiss and now he was never going to look at me again.
I knew he’d never tell Elyssa, so at least I’d watch the ceremony and have my heart break in pieces right in front of my eyes.

I kicked a chair out of my way and felt my face heat up. It was a combination of anger and misery, it was hard for me not to cry out, even though I had done my fair share of crying the past few hours.

I lingered in my room as if it were my personal prison. So many questions popped into my head, they were driving me crazy.

Serving myself a big glass of whiskey, I sat by the phone. I wasn’t drunk but my body went nuts if I wasn’t consuming alcohol… but that didn’t mean I was an alcoholic, nope, it was all his fucking fault.
That asshole; how could I have fallen in love with him again? What was my purpose in life? Was I ever going to find somebody to be my other half? Why was I so dumb back then? Could I ever open up and lower the walls that I had built around me?

I wasn’t exactly shy, I just never revealed stuff about myself. I was a funny person to be around but around strangers, I appeared cold and distant, like I wanted to kill them. Well, socializing wasn’t my thing, that was for sure.
And now here I was, in a hotel in Los Angeles, doing nothing, missing days from work. Hah, like they needed me there. I should just quit. Fuck it all, it was a job some people would kill for. I… I couldn’t do this anymore. A break was needed.

Maybe it’s the alcohol taking over…

I wasn’t the type to give everything for love. No, I just wasn’t. I couldn’t be turning into this… I used to have ambitions in my life, I used to be over him, I used to consider him as a friend and had stopped noticing him physically, the lust had been gone.
His body used to mean nothing after our break up. We were best buds, that’s all. Now all I saw in him was red hot lust, boiling my core and driving me insane. His scent, the random friendly touching, like a playful shove or a hug would make my knees weak. His dark hair; he was like the Black Beauty, wild, strong, quiet and so puzzling.

Mechanically, my free hand, the one that wasn’t busy bringing the drink to my lips, dialed my boss’s office.
Christine answered on the first ring.

“Christine Clayton,” she coldly spoke. I shuddered just thinking that one day I could turn into her. Cold, hard and emotionless.

My mouth was immobile, for a moment I had forgotten the purpose of this call. I was a chicken anyway, even though I hated my job, I wouldn’t dare quit. Maybe I was sentenced to a life of pointlessness.

“Its Lily,” I mumbled. I sounded miserable and I was sure that Christine was thinking that I wasn’t paying any respect to her by the way I was talking.

“Hello. You have missed many of your appointed days off. You should be back as soon as possible.”

Man this woman could easily be related to Elyssa.

“I…umm…”

I hung up. I was tired of this all… doing stuff. It felt like a smack against the face, waking me up at last. I had wasted all this time when I could have been doing things that mattered to me.

I turned around, considering calling my parents and giving them a heads up about my whereabouts but I came face to face with Brad and almost shit my pants.

“Brad!” I shouted, “What the fuck? Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”

“Just wanted to tell you…” his eyes darted to my underdressed body. Not in a sexual way, but in a puzzled one. “Why are you so dark?”

“Because I’m the saddest person in the world. And I hate myself and everything that surrounds me.”

He sat by me. “Lily, are you okay?” he asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“No… Brad… Jim Morrison died.”

He looked extremely confused. “That was four years ago… and what does it have to do with anything?”

“It makes me sad to know that anybody could die…. It could happen to anybody,” I stated, trembling a bit.

“I think you’ve had too much to drink,” he mumbled and took the drink away from my hands and went to pour it down the bathroom drain.

I buried my face in my hands and sighed. I wasn’t well… coming here was the worst idea ever. I took my notebook I kept by my bedside table and wrote the words that were in my head, just writing without realizing anything.
Its what I called thoughtless writing, it helped me when I wasn’t okay. I couldn’t drown myself in alcohol all the time, it made me go pee too many times. I’d love to be surrounded by bottles 24/7 but it was impossible, unfortunately.

“Lily, we’re going to that place, I don’t know where… you know, where the wedding’s taking place.”

I looked at Brad. “Today? Why today? The wedding’s on Sunday.”

“She’s organized this thing for her family, we’re not involved but apparently we have to go, so get your stuff together and leave it outside for the bellboy to take to the limo.”

He left and once again, I was all alone.

Maybe I should take a plane and go back to Boston. Yes, that was exactly what I was going to do. I picked up my discarded clothes and threw them in my suitcase. I found a lose skirt and a baggy black shirt and got dressed quickly.
The sooner I left, the better. No goodbyes, no tears for me, no watching him marry Lucifer in a woman’s form…

I put my shoes on and opened the door. As soon as I got out there he was. There was so much tension; I didn’t dare speak. And she was beside him. He looked at me with a clenched jaw, that god-damn jaw of his.
My hand was gripping on the suitcase so hard that I could feel the blood pulsating. This had to be the longest time nobody had ever spoken. Thankfully, we had Elyssa.

“Why the hell are you tanned? Joe, why is she tanned?” she asked in a high-pitched voice. I would have covered my ears but that would have been rude, wouldn’t it?

“I fell asleep in the sun, down at the pool,” I lied. Joe looked at me sternly.

“Well then fuck this, you can’t and won’t be a bridesmaid, I can’t have some stupid Mexican-looking woman in my wedding.”

She stood there, ready to pass by me and leave when I stopped her. Oh course, Joe being pussy-whipped, wouldn’t dare say a word.

“Listen Elyssa, I don’t use verbal abuse but… I am trying to get along with you here,” I stated. Of course I was lying my ass off but she couldn’t take Joe away from me yet. “I don’t mind not being in the wedding. As a matter of fact, I am going back to Boston.”

“What?” Joe asked.

“I’m going back to Boston, I have a life back there.”

“Woah, what?” said Steven, appearing from his room with a numerous amount of luggage.

“You both heard me, I have business to attend and… things.”

“Yeah, I’m suddenly so convinced,” muttered Steven under his breath.

“Well, let’s go Joe, we have to be there, my parents are waiting.” I watched her drag him off while he glanced at me one last time. I was fuming; I needed a drink. Again.

Steven and I exchanged glances. He looked coked up. I guess he wasn’t going to be the only one not remembering a big part of the seventies. I wished the seventies would just roll over and die, this was certainly not my year… probably not even my decade. I should have been born in the Stone Age, where nobody cared about shit like jobs, complicated love lives and alcohol. It was all about hunting and being warm in the winter.

Sounded good.

“Are you really leaving?” Steven asked.

“Yes.”

“For real?”

I sighed. “For fucking real. We should keep in touch… whatever Joe and I had was shot to the head by my antics…”

“I can’t believe this is really happening. He’s gonna marry that bitch… I thought you’d get him back,” he whispered, leaning against the wall and shutting his eyes.

“Just let him be. Let him marry her and realize his mistakes. Maybe we’re all wrong, maybe him and Elyssa were meant to be. We have to grow up and realize we can’t always have it out way. Fuck it all, I have to go on with my life…”

“That’s the wisest thing you’ve said this whole week,” he said laughing.

I grinned. “And to think I’m not even remotely sober.”

“And let’s both agree that you meant diddly squat.”

Rolling my eyes, I met his strong gaze and my smile disappeared. Was I so easy to read after all? Was all that big speech worth nothing?

“Screw the inner morals you suddenly think you have… its time to act.”

“Steven you’re absurd.”

“Yeah yeah, blame it on me. Let’s go get some bottles of poison to keep us company during the ride and you just wait and see honey.”

This man was evil.

“Okay. But I’m not going after Joe,” I grumpily added, hoisting my suitcase over my shoulder, pressing the elevator’s golden button.

“Sure you aren’t,” he said furtively. “Sure.”