Caged Mentality

POV: Khristos Larkin

When I woke up, I checked my phone to find I had sixty-three new texts. What the hell was that about? I scanned through the new messages just to see who they were from. Most of them were from Noah, some were from Isaak, and the remaining few were from Riley. My band mates were such asses sometimes...

The ones from Noah all said things like 'Wake up, motherfucker!' and 'Hey motherfucker, answer my texts!' or just a simple 'Motherfucker!'

I'm sure you've figured out his favorite word by now.

The ones from Isaak just said 'Hey, Kris. You awake yet?' or 'Hang out today?' and stuff similar to that.

Riley's weren't much different from Isaak's. The two of them were a bit more civil than Noah was. I was thankful to have calm people in the band, one crazy person was enough.

I just ditched my phone for now, deciding they can wait a bit longer if they've already waited four hours. It was only two in the afternoon, what were they doing awake at ten AM?

After my daily preparations were finished, I returned to my phone to find another two messages from Noah. I rolled my eyes and sent him a text that said, 'Shut the hell up already. I'll be there in a few minutes.'

I drove over to Noah's place, where we always met up at. Isaak and Riley had already been there for an hour, waiting for me to show up. I walked into the den to find Isaak on the windowsill, playing Noah's electric guitar while Riley sat cross-legged on the couch and Noah laid on the floor. He sprang to his feet when I entered the room.

“Finally! You sleep in way too late, man.” He told me, grabbing my arm and pulling me down the three carpeted steps into the room, then shut the door.

“I work at a club, what do you expect?” I sat on the arm of the couch, watching Isaak playing the guitar, his soft black hair framing his distant, dark blue eyes. He was off in another world, or so it seemed. I turned to Riley, whose light blue eyes were focused on Isaak. He brushed his crimson hair out of his face as he started to sing with the music.

“Yeah, yeah.” Noah flashed me a grin as he leaned against a wall with his muscular, tattooed arms crossed. He wore his blonde hair spiked in the front, which was his main hairstyle. He changed his hair more often than any of us. “It's been a while since we've seen you though. We would've called to wake you up, but we didn't wanna unleash the monster in you.” He laughed, his greenish eyes sparkling with amusement.

“How smart of you.” I smirked, turning to sit sideways so I could look at him easier. I got along with Noah really well, he was always a lot of fun to hang out with.

“I thought so too. So where the fuck have you been?”

“It's only been a week, Noah.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, but it feels like longer.”

“Hey, Kris.” Isaak greeted, standing and setting the guitar aside. I hadn't even noticed the music stop.

“Hey.” I replied, then Riley reached over to push me off the couch. I caught myself before I hit the floor too hard, then stood and pushed him back. “Asshole, what was that for?” I laughed.

“That's for taking so long to wake up and get here!” He shouted in mock anger, standing and punching me in the stomach. He didn't hit hard, of course, he'd never really hurt me. He liked play fighting, which was what made him fun to be around.

“Now, kids, play nice.” Isaac ordered, a very small smirk on his face. He never showed much emotion, but he was very sarcastic, which was always entertaining.

“Shut up, Isaac, let em fight.” Noah said playfully, pushing off the wall, but still standing in the same spot with his arms crossed.

“As long as there's not gonna be a bloody mess to clean up.” Isaac returned to sitting on the windowsill, staring at Riley and me.

“You guys want a real fight?” Riley grinned. Even though he called it a real fight, it would still only be a play fight. Neither of us wanted to really harm the other, though we couldn't avoid a few bruises.

“Maybe we shouldn't give them one then.” I smirked, shoving my hands in my pockets.

“Aww, come on, fight, motherfuckers!” Noah egged us on, but I didn't see the fight happening. At least I didn't until Riley tackled me to the floor. I flipped him over and pinned him down, but he broke free and caught me in one of the holds he'd learned in whatever fighting class it was he'd taken. I didn't know an escape method, but I managed to get out of it and place my hands on his shoulders, trying to push him back, put he attempted to push me back as well. After a moment of both of us standing in one spot, trying to get the other to budge, I finally got Riley back against the wall.

I kneed him in the gut, and he immediately sunk his teeth into my arm. I jerked my arm back and the very second I did, he sent a punch to the side of my face. I retaliated by throwing my fist into his ribs, careful not to hit hard enough to break any bones. He pushed me back just a bit, then his foot met my stomach and sent me flying backward onto the floor. He came and stood over me.

“I think I won this time.” He stated and I gave a slight nod of agreement.

“I'll give you this one.”

He offered a hand and I took it, allowing him to help me to my feet. Noah and Isaac clapped loudly.

“Good show.” Noah commented, grinning. “I think you guys have an even score now.”

“Let's celebrate my victory by going out for ice cream!” Riley exclaimed happily.

So we took Isaac's Hyundai Tiburon to an ice cream shop. Noah volunteered to pay for everyone's ice cream, so we all got whatever we wanted. Riley got cotton candy, Noah got cake batter, Isaac just got chocolate, and I stuck with chocolate chip cookie dough, the same thing I always got. We piled into a booth, Isaac and I by the window, across from each other, Noah next to me and Riley across from him. They all broke into conversation, but I pulled out my phone and tuned them out, scanning through my contacts.

I stopped at Riel's name, biting my lip and forgetting about my ice cream. It would have been nice to hear his voice... But... Fuck it.

“Noah, let me out of the booth.” I ordered, turning to him. He stopped talking mid-sentence and turned to me, confused.

“Why? Where are you going?” He questioned, but stood anyway, allowing me to slide out of the seat.

“I have to make a phone call.” I said simply, walking over to the deserted corner of the store and sitting down. I stared at the dial button hesitantly. Maybe he wouldn't even want to talk to me. Maybe he's too busy...

I hit the button and brought the phone to my ear, nervousness building inside of me. That was annoying. Why was I getting so nervous over calling Riel?

I didn't expect him to pick it up, and he didn't. It just kept ringing. And ringing. It got to his voicemail, and I listened to his voice before ending the call. That was enough, just a recording of the voice I missed so much. That was all I needed.

I stood, putting the phone in my pocket, then returned to my ice cream.

“Who did you call, Kris?” Noah asked, staring at me as I slid into my seat. He sat back down. Why does he have to be so nosy?

“Someone. But they didn't answer.” I replied, eating a spoonful of ice cream.

“Someone?” Riley repeated, grinning. “A special someone?”

“My ex-therapist.” I answered, glancing up at him.

“You're not in therapy anymore?” Isaac asked.

“No.” I replied, locking eyes with Isaac. I didn't mind him asking questions. It just seemed so annyoing when Noah or Riley did. “I quit.”

“Ah. Mind telling us why?”

I nodded and went on to explain the reason I quit therapy. I kept my focus on Isaac and ignored Noah and Riley's comments and teasing. Isaac listened silently and attentively. I liked that.

“What an ass, that Riel guy.” Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Our poor li'l Krissy got rejected... Don't worry, kid, you'll get over that motherfucker.”

“I don't want to get over him, I want to be with him. And I will be eventually.” I stated confidently. I was determined to get Riel to be with me one day soon.

“Call him again.” Isaac suggested. I just stared at him as I considered it.

“Yeah, he can't ignore you forever.” Noah added.

I nodded, pulling out my phone. He probably wouldn't answer this time either, but I dialed his number anyway. He answered after a couple rings.

“Hello? Kris?” He spoke quietly, voice breaking a few times. It was hard to hear him like that.

“Hey.” I leaned over a bit to press my forehead to the glass window, trying to block out Noah, Riley, and Isaac. I wanted to pretend it was just Riel and me and my friends weren't listening in on whatever I said. “You didn't answer my last call. Are you busy?”

It took him a moment to respond. “Not right now. My brother had my phone. Sorry...” His words trailed off a bit.

“It's fine. I didn't know you had a brother though. Actually I don't know anything about your family, you've never told me anything about that stuff.” I noted, wishing he would talk more so I could hear his voice, wishing he didn't sound so unhappy. I hated the fact it was my fault.

“You never asked about them.” He mumbled. “It's my first time home in a few years... But, how are you doing? Your anger?”

My anger? He's seriously asking me about that?

“I'm fine. Damn, I talk to you for the first time in like two weeks and you just go all therapist on me?” I gave a halfhearted chuckle, trying to sound at least a little happy so maybe he'd cheer up a bit.

“Habit. I haven't seen you in my office since.” His voice faded away again. I really just wanted him to be okay...

“Yeah, well, I told you why I wouldn't be showing up...”

He let out a shaky breath, then fell silent for a long moment. I waited for his response, wondering what was taking so long. He wasn't crying, was he? “I know... I don't blame you at all...”

“You blame yourself, huh? Stupid.” I muttered, wishing I could go see him, but I didn't want to try again to convince him to be with me yet. I didn't want to deal with the frustration. “I think we're both equally to blame. So stop taking it out on yourself.”

There was a long silence before he said anything. Seriously, why did he keep doing that? “There is more to it than just blaming myself. It's not even important... You're doing okay at least?”

“It is important.” I argued, but dropped the topic for now. “I'm fine, I guess, I don't know... I visited home, talked to my mother for a while, got really pissed... And... Yeah... Well mainly I just... I...” I paused. I wanted to tell him I missed him, that I thought about him every day, that I still really wanted to be with him, that I felt lonely and almost depressed without him... “Mainly I just miss you.”

“I'm sorry Kris...” He muttered, sounding as if he was biting his lip as hard as possible. “I've missed you a lot too... You can always vi...”

“I can't see you if I can't have you. It's too hard for me. So unless you are going to date me, I have to just stay away from you, even though that's hard for me too...”

“Sorry...” Was all he said. He wasn't going to agree to be with me. I knew that already, but it still made me feel unhappy all over again. “I really am...”

“Yeah, well, I have to go. I've got band practice to get to.” I said quietly, wanting to talk to him longer, but not allowing myself. It'd just make me want to see him more.

“Alright... I hope you have fun. Call whenever you want...”

That would be at least twice a day. Not happening.

“Sure. Bye.” Though I didn't want to stop talking to him, I hung up the phone.