Caged Mentality

POV: Riel Carlin

I couldn't believe him. Wait...yes I could. Kris would be this manipulative to get what he wanted. But mostly because he knew I wanted this. It wasn't as if he was forcing me into something he knew I didn't want. He was trying to force me into something he knew I wanted.

Had to give him credit I suppose... but I still wasn't happy about him doing this to get me to date him. Why wasn't he going to just make it simple? Not that there could be anything simple about this situation...

Fuck...

I had to come up with something. Not dating him meant no therapy to help him and probably never seeing him again....

Okay, problem solved.

My eyes slit into a glare, mostly upset I had lost this battle. “No one can know about us.”

“So that's a yes?” I watched a grin spread across his face as he walked over to the couch and handed me a drink. He set his own on the coffee table then sat beside me.

This was just perfect...

“Yea...” I choked out downing my drink. I needed alcohol... I was agreeing to something that could lose my job and something I'd more than likely mess up. So besides helping Kris I would cause him problems too... even more perfect... yea, sarcasm much...

He wrapped his arms around my neck then kissed my lips for only a few moments. That grin reappeared on his face the moment he pulled away. “Good.” Kris took a few swallows from his drink.

Great... I was dating a patient... I belonged to Kris... aw fuck... I needed alcohol.

I shook my head trying to realize why I was doing this. I was going to fuck up. Heading over to my bar I picked up the vodka bottle opening it. Heading back over to the couch I sat down then took a huge gulp from it. Yea, vodka plain taste horrible...

“I hope this is a good thing.” I mumbled out after another gulp of this shitty tasting drink.

“Of course it is. This is what you wanted, right? You should be happy.”

It was what I wanted... I wanted to hold him and kiss him and have him to myself. How could I be happy about it though when my family wouldn't recognize it, work, if they found out would kill me, and the chances of me messing up were about ninety percent.

“I suppose so.” I paused staring at the carpet. This was really happening wasn't it... “Not like I can hide us forever though. I'm not supposed to date patients.”

And what would we do when someone found out? I could find another job... but the pain in the ass brother of mine would try and drag me with him the moment he found out I was unemployed. Great... I'm clearly not thinking straight...

“Who gives a fuck?” Kris sighed heavily taking a drink. “I'm sure that if someone finds out it'll be when I'm done with therapy. I wont be your patient forever.”

“Still... I suck at lying. You can't kiss me when you're in my office...” like he was going to listen to this rule... or any rule in general. Yup. I was going to lose my job. I was going to fuck up my relationship too. Yay me.

Kris shrugged, “I'll do whatever I feel like doing.” he turned to me. Yup. Exact response I thought I'd get... “Why the hell are you drowning yourself in Vodka? Are you really that miserable dating me?”

“Nah, just trying to black out so when I wake up tomorrow I can blame it on the alcohol.”

“Jeez, Riel...” Kris laughed. He snatched the vodka, holding it out of my reach. “You don't need to be blacking out.”

Great no excuses... I'm running out of things... I need alcohol... I need an excuse... I need to fix this whole fuckin situation.

“Aw come on... I gotta blame it on something. I can't let myself think I decided it on a clear mind.” I smirked. “I'll be fine. So give me back my excuse.”

“Excuses are fun for weak people that need something to hide behind.” Did he think I was strong or something? Cause that was something that really didn't fit. I was a pathetic, emo-pansy dude. Kris set the bottle on the table then swung his leg over my legs so he was straddling me. “I think you can live without an excuse.”

Sure I could... if he was going to act like this... I could blame my decision on my mind being distracted by him.

“I like having excuses. I thrive on them in situations like this.” I wrapped my arms around him. Yea, impossible to think straight that much when he's like this in general. “I can't be thinking straight right now so, I need a reason I'm not.”

“Yeah? I don't think you need to use lame excuses.” Kris wrapped his arms around my neck, pressing his forehead to mine. “Because yeah, excuses are lame.”

“Too bad, I'll be thinking of one. Seeing as I can't drink myself away while you're here... though there is always later...” I mumbled, not that I'd need that excuse.

“Hey, do whatever you want when I'm not around. Well, except for cutting yourself. Or messing around with other people, because you belong to me now, and only me.”

So I may have fought him over this... but hearing him say I was his like that... I loved it, it was hot to be blunt.

“Well, good. Soon as you're gone I'll drink myself into oblivion.” I laughed, “what you wanna do till then?” I could think of something...

He seemed to be thinking, then shrugged. “Anything.” he replied before pressing his lips to my neck.

“Feels like something.” I murmured pulling back a little to kiss his cheek, grinning.

Kris just gave a light chuckle before he took my face in his hands. Our lips melted together, my fingers running up his back as my tongue traced his bottom lip. I gripped his shirt as tight as I could pushing him closer to me the moment my tongue slipped past his lips allowing me to get a full hit of his addictive taste. If I could I'd spend all day just kissing him. And not just because I like to mess around.

His hands ran down my chest then back resting one on my shoulder and the other continuing to my hair. I would have liked to have kept going. I knew I could, but I didn't want to mess up anything. That would mean taking things slow wouldn't it? I'd just have to deal without sleeping with someone for a few months or a year...

I placed kisses along his jaw line then at the base of his neck. This would probably be considered teasing, but I didn't care. I pecked his lips then backing away a bit allowing a smirk to spread across my face.

“I think I've given you enough.” I had made out with him before I was even with him, we went further than I should have then. I didn't want to do that again, not yet. But teasing would be fine, I thought.

“I don't. I think that's unfair.” Kris kissed my neck, keeping his face there. “I'm your boyfriend, and I don't even get as much as your stupid friend with benefits?” he sighed heavily then bit my neck.

Was it really that obvious what my weakness was? My eyes felt heavy immediately losing some connection with the world. My nails I knew I was digging into him as much as I could, whether I hurt him or not I wasn't sure...or even thinking about it. I could feel moans wanting to escape my lips but I contained myself. I had made a decision. I couldn't sleep with him just because I was his boyfriend. Even if he didn't get as much of me as Greg, it would mean a lot more with Kris.

I pulled away...though it was a very difficult thing to do. I didn't want to. It's what was best to do. “We haven't even been together ten minutes. I agreed to date you, not sleep with you. And why the couch anyway?”

“Well I don't know, sorry, jeez...” Kris stood. “I'll just go play with the drinks.” he picked up the vodka bottle off the coffee table and headed over to the bar.

I didn't expect him to listen, but I was glad he did. I may have been teasing a little the first time, but I wasn't this time. We needed to take things as slow as I could. How long it'd last...thats another thing entirely.

“I just don't think I should sleep with someone I've been with ten minutes and is under twenty.” I replied following and than sitting on a stool in front of the bar. I laughed a little. It would be fun taking it slow and being able to tease him from time to time.

“Since when does my age matter?” Kris questioned, pulling out a variety of different drinks. “I can understand the ten minutes thing.”

Honestly, I didn't care about his age. I just was thinking of an excuse to take it slow. That way I couldn't fuck up at any point soon. If I did mess up it would be worse if I had already had sex with him verses having never done it with him.

On top of that, if I did mess up it would add more anger. I didn't think he should be in a full on relationship with us giving each other to the other while he was still having anger problems.

“Cause. I'm deciding you're too young for adding that to the relationship. So yeah. Twenty. And there is your anger issue. You're waiting to sleep with me. A While.” I stated confidently. Whether it would last or not... we'd see. I was going to try my hardest. As long as Kris didn't pull anything to make it too hard it'd be possible.

“That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard.” Kris muttered, throwing together ingredients without paying much attention. It was entertaining. He wasn't paying attention to anything he was doing. “That's almost six months. Like you even wanna wait that long.”

six months was a really long time... and hell no I didn't wanna wait even now. If I could I'd take him now... but that would be stupid. I needed to wait. Had to wait. Yes, I was going to repeat this to myself a hundred times.

Besides... dating a patient is one thing. It's entirely different if you're sleeping with them too.

“It's not about me its about what's better for you. I mean really, how long's it been since you shared a night with someone?” I questioned with a blank expression. It was really better for us both. ok... so I am as confused as hell with what to do with this situation... quiet obvious by my thought process... I just need to make sure I don't hurt Kris... and don't fuck up... and therefore not do anything more than kiss him.

Too many things were going through my mind. My job, his well being, the possibility of me messing up, and excuses...

why the fuck could I never just spit out my emotions. I couldn't ever vocalize them. Great. Now lets add this problem to my thought process... confused yet?

“What does that have to do with anything? It hasn't been that long, though I'm sure it's been longer than it has since you've slept with Greg...”

“Well if it's been a month or whatever I'm sure you can wait six more.” I smiled, chuckling lightly.

Kris just stared at me a moment, obviously irritated, then resumed mixing drinks. “Greg said you two have had your deal for six years. You were younger than I am now.” He noted, glancing up at me. “What's the point of making me wait anyway? It's not like it's my first time.”

Great... of course something would come up with Greg... and it wouldn't work in my advantage... it wouldn't have mattered if he never told Kris how long... but six years... yea, I was doing this since I was about seventeen or sixteen... I can't really remember...

and honestly... I didn't need to have it said it wasn't his first time. I didn't wanna think about who had had his first time. True I asked a question that would imply he'd slept with someone else... I can make no sense sometimes! Even if I am supposed to make sense... because I'm a therapist... hell... therapists have more problems than their patients half the time...

“You've talked to Greg? Yeah I suppose... I was seventeenish then. That was after me and Spence had issues...” I mumbled. “But I was a fucked up kid after high school.”

Spence... me and Spence had gone through a lot... drugs... parties... the list could go on. It was all during high school... true I spent most of my life in a library and graduated early but it didn't mean I never had a good time. The library was just away from my stupid ass father. Or my family. Timmy left home early... anytime Spence was busy with his sports or someone he was dating I was living in the library...

“I met him at the club I work at. We had a very... pleasant,” he half laughed, “conversation.”

“You pissed him off, didn't you?” I laughed. Greg was going to hate Kris for a little while. He just doesn't like change. It's really nothing personal.

“Of course. Not like I tried to, it just happened. We were talking about you.”

“He'll be more pissed if we have sex.” I chuckled, “you can wait till you're twenty.”

“Who cares how pissed Greg is? I definitely don't give a fuck.”

“Still, it's twenty.”

Kris rolled his eyes and took a sip of the drink he was mixing, immediately spitting it back out. “Holy shit, that's disgusting... I can't do this properly when I'm annoyed...”

I burst out laughing, “it's funny though.” I paused trying to relax. “Poor Kris can't mix drinks when he's sexually frustrated.” I smirked grabbing his face to pull him over the counter a bit then roughly placed my lips on his to force them open. I could tease him just a little couldn't I?

He kissed me back a few moments before pushing me away, smirking. “You're such an ass...”

“How am I an ass?”

“You just are. Deal with it.”

“I haven't done anything ass-ish.” I grinned pulling his lips back to mine.

Kris put one hand on the counter to support himself while he leaned over, his other hand tangled in my hair.

I pulled back holding Kris's head inches away. “Maybe I am an ass.” I smirked finding this entertaining. “But I'm going to jump in the shower.” I pecked his lips.

“Fine, just ditch me.” Kris said, pretending to be upset. “Just kidding. Have fun. I'll make myself at home.” he resumed making drinks.

“Well if you'd rather not come.” I grinned then leaving the room.