Caged Mentality

POV: Riel Carlin

Today I had to meet the band members, and therefore Kris's closest friends. I was happy about it, yet unsure if I could really get along with them. It was different working with clients. With clients I was the knowledgeable one. They were dependent on me. Other people we were on even ground... And I didn't have to pick people apart.

I slipped on a pair of black skinnies, white Converse shoes and a plain white t-shirt. I didn't think it'd matter what I wore so much. And why look super emo? That was stupid. My car keys were sitting on the table. I was running just a little bit late. They wouldn't care probably. And Kris couldn't care less what I wore.

Lifting the keys off the table I opened the door, immediately getting attacked by my replica.

“Riel!” He exclaimed, arms around me.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded. I didn't invite him over... Not that he'd ask to come over anyway. I tried to shove him away, succeeding easily.

“I missed my brother. Is that so bad?” Well no... But that's if I am not busy. Sometimes Eli was too careless. He acted like we were one person half the time. “I'm gonna follow you all day.” He grinned. My face held only a dull expression. Was he serious? This was ridiculous... I guess it wouldn't be so bad if he came... It was Kris's band after all.

“You can't. I've gotta go meet Kris.” I walked away from him after closing the door. I knew he'd follow. He was a pain in the ass after all. I jumped in my car hearing a door open on the other side.

Wonderful... He wasn't going to just leave... A predictable action I'd hoped wouldn't happen.

I sighed heavily. “Eli, you can't come.”

“Sure I can.” His grin hadn't faded.

I wasn't about to fight over this right now.

“So... How are you and Kris?” He asked after we had been driving about ten minutes.

“Fine.” Well as fine as we could be. I did cheat on him of course... And I still needed to find out what was wrong with him. I still couldn't understand why he'd forgiven me so easily.

“Still have your job?” Seriously? At least he wasn't prying into our life. But I suppose that was more because he didn't want to hear about his gay brother's boyfriend.

I glared at him, making sure it was very clear I didn't want to hear about his stupid desire again. It was annoying and repetitive. I left the band for a reason. I wasn't really a rock person anymore... At least that's what I wanted to believe.

We never know ourselves as much as others know us, however.

“We're meeting Kris' band today.” I thought that would distract him enough to drop the topic.

He was silent a while, staring out at the road. “Interesting...” Fail. He wasn't going to be conversational... He was probably plotting ways now to go back to the topic I'd just avoided and win for once.

I looked down at the paper with the address of the place. It was really out in the middle of nowhere. But if they practiced here, it'd make plenty of sense. You wouldn't bother neighbors.

I got out of the car after pulling into the driveway. There were a few cars outside, one of them Kris'. I didn't know how many people would be here exactly. Eli followed behind me, and he looked around the area more than I did. Between the two of us, Eli was more curious.

Knocking on the door, Kris' face was the one to meet us. I smiled. The best thing in the world to me was standing in front of me and he was just as happy to see me.

“Hey.” He smiled, opening the door completely. His eyes shifted to my brother. “Oh, you brought your brother.”

Not elective...

“He wouldn't leave.” I motioned to Eli.

“Is that your dude?” Another boy walked up behind Kris, looking over his shoulder. “Whoa, there's two of the motherfucker!” He laughed, pushing Kris out of the way. “Damn Kris, let the people inside!”

Kris rolled his eyes, then turned to us. “This is Noah. Our guitarist.”

He looked an awful lot like he'd be one. And the stereotypical one at that. Noah was reminding me a awful lot of someone... Someone standing next to me...

We both walked in.

“Hell yes! That means you have a guitar here?” Eli exclaimed, eyes hopeful and locked on Noah. Of course, his first love... The guitar. I should have known he'd ignore any comment after hearing a guitarist was around. He'd have to go on about nothing for hours. “Can I see?”

“Um, fuck yeah I have a guitar here! Are you kidding me? I have two.” Noah was obviously proud of his. And of course Kris had to slam the next comment on Noah...

“Noah, don't even bother showing off.” He stared at Noah dully. “Eli's a better guitarist than you are and he's in a band. He's probably got more – and better – guitars.”

“I can still be proud of my motherfucking guitars, Kris, damn.” Noah said playfully, then turned to Eli. “They're this way.” He started walking towards another room. Finally, a moment away from my clone.

“Well,” Kris turned to me, “Ready to go meet the other guys?” Not particularly...

If Noah was all hyper like, what would the others be like? “Sure, I guess so. But I gotta make sure Eli is behaving too.. He wasn't supposed to come.” I sighed heavily, then locking my eyes on Kris. I'd be content just spending the day alone with him.

“Oh well.” Kris laughed. “The more, the merrier, right?” I'd never seen Kris as happy as he was now. He took my hand, pulling me the direction Eli had just gone with Noah.

Two more people stood. I didn't know who they were. They seemed a bit more... Analytical... If that is even the right word... They thought more than Kris and Noah.

“So, we're finally meeting the boyfriend!” One grinned, walking over to us. The other followed next to him.

“We've heard a lot about you.” The other smiled at me. He seemed like a very nice person. Possibly the most caring of the group. But that was just a guess. I didn't want to judge these people I didn't know. Sometimes I wished there was an off button for my therapist self when it came to meeting new people.

“It's nice to meet you guys as well.” I returned their smile, waving a bit. “Sorry for anything stupid Eli does.” Yeah, I probably should warn them for any stupid, or idiotic things he could and would do.

“This is a pretty kick-ass guitar. You should see my collection sometime.” Eli grinned. He likes guitars too much I think. Though I will admit his guitar is pretty sweet... Playing it would be a lot of f... I don't care about guitars. I'm just a therapist. “Can I play this one a little?”

“Yeah, man, feel free.” Noah grinned. They are two of the same. That's a scary thought... Maybe Eli finding his personality double would make him leave me alone more.

“I'm sure Eli isn't any worse than Noah with his stupidity.” The other laughed. “I'm Isaac by the way. This,” he motioned to the one next to him, “Is Riley.”

I looked over at Noah and Eli. Obvious enough. “I think they are on the same level of stupidity.” I muttered bluntly, hoping my brother heard.

He did. “Oh you love me for it.” Eli grinned, kissing my cheek. “Fuck yes!” He shouted starting to play some random song from our... I mean his band. Why am I messing this thought process up so much today?

“This guy's awesome!” Noah exclaimed, pointing to Eli, and then staring at Kris. I guess this means Eli will always have to be with me around these people. Not that it's a bad thing. I laughed a little. Maybe Noah should marry him? Just kidding of course. “Kris! Why didn't you date him instead?”

Great... Now I'm not good enough to be Kris's boyfriend? Not that I think I am. I did cheat on him...

Kris sighed, placing his hand on his forehead, frustrated I'd guess.

“Jeez, Noah, if you like him so much, why don't you date him?” Riley teased him. He held a grin on his face with his arms crossed as he stood before Noah.

The expression on his face was great. “I like girls too much to be with a dude.” Noah responded.

Eli jumped over to me. “Aw, come on, Riel, play with me!”

Okay, here starts the plan he conjured to get me to be in his band again, I bet.

“No, I've done enough for you.” I mumbled, then turning to Noah. “If you like Eli so much, keep him.” I laughed, only half serious.

“Riel, don't be like that!” Eli protested, pointing his fingers that held a guitar pick at me.

“Me? You ignored everyone but Noah and me.” I noted, then watching his expression change to a curious one.

“I did?” He mumbled dropping his arm. He looked at the others. He swung the guitar behind himself putting on his polite facade. “Oh, sorry.” He held out his hand. “I'm Eli... You two are...”

“Riley. The singer of the band.” Riley smiled, shaking his hand.

I wanted to roll my eyes... I couldn't stand my brother acting like this. He was always so courteous and everything with people and then was a pain in the ass for me. Always had to be by me.

“I'm Issac. Bassist.” Isaac smiled lazily, then shook Eli's hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Eli shifted his gaze to Isaac. I swear his eyes lingered there for a moment... But that couldn't be. I shook it off. “Nice to meet you both.” His smile, which was innocent towards Riley, morphed into a grin, eyes locked with Isaac's, as if entranced. He snapped out of it quickly. “I'm the guitarist in my band, which I think you all figured out.”

“Your band must really kick ass!” Noah exclaimed excitedly.

“They do.” Kris noted, smirking. He seemed to enjoy picking on Noah. So like him. “He's got way more skill than you.”

“You've seen 'em play?” Riley questioned, staring at Kris.

“Yeah, with Riel.” Kris replied. At least he didn't specify I played actually with them... That I wanted unmentioned.

“Stupid motherfucker, you should've invited me!” Noah complained, punching Kris's arm. Yup, they love each other for sure.

“Yeah right, like I'd invite you to my first date with Riel.” He rolled his eyes. I almost laughed at the tone.

“You can just come to our next show.” Eli laughed, pulling his eyes away from Issac and shifting to Noah. Okay, I really want to know what he's finding so interesting about Isaac. They couldn't have known each other.... He would have gone all weird if he did....

My thoughts fell apart when my brother spoke. “You should convince my brother to play with my band...”

My eyes narrowed as I sighed. I didn't want to get into this conversation every time I saw him. “Give it up, Eli. The best part of that concert was sneaking in backstage.”

You can't sneak into one if you're actually in the band.

“You're lucky I love you, or I could have kicked you out. Fuck, best part of it was you playing with us. That finale kicked ass.”

I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't a necessary part of their group... They could get by without me.

“You play guitar too? Well damn, play us something!” Noah demanded, picking up the other guitar and extending it out to me.

I didn't want it... Okay, well, part of me did... But I... “Don't even be stubborn about it.” Kris chuckled, taking the guitar from Noah and shoving it into me. “Just play one thing.” And then make it become two things... That would be Eli's plan. He and Noah will conspire against me. He found an ally the moment he walked in the door.

Who could help that though? Noah and Eli should have been twins... Not him and me. My problems would be fewer too.

“This is ridiculous...” I mumbled, pulling it over my head and checking to see it was in tune. I figured Eli would have his tuned in drop-c. I don't think there was really the proper strings on the guitar for this either. Ah well... “What are we playing?” I asked, irritated.

“Um... I'll wing it. You just follow as always.” Eli smiled at me, immediately playing an a chord and following it up with a lower version of the note.

He was playing the second song they played in the concert. It was one I'd written, This Tomb Was Built For Two, Sweetheart. It was a fun one to write and play. For a moment I'd forgotten I wanted nothing to do with this. I loved playing guitar... Okay, no, I couldn't. I can't.

I ended the song as Eli did, only having the lyrics now playing in my head. Kairo's voice made it flow perfectly. I only ever did backup. But I did sing in this song more than any. Nothing I ever do, is good enough for you. Anything you need it can't be from me. Hate, hate, that's all you know. When you come in this room... Hush, hush, the pain is soon over, this breath is our last, this blade owns my life.

The lyrics left my mind when Noah spoke. “You can't just waste talent like that sitting in an office listening to kids talk about how much their life sucks!” Oh, but watch me. I have been for a couple years and intend to a couple decades.

“Or cleaning up your office after angry kids trash it.” Isaac smirked at Kris, picking on him. He seemed to be closer to Kris than the others, just because he was only ever really acting comfortable around him completely. I wondered what kind of relationship they'd had.

“Oh, shut it, Isaac.” Kris jokingly ordered. Of course he didn't get insulted easily. “I haven't trashed his office.”

“Yet.” Riley added, sticking out his tongue at Kris.

I laughed. “It already has a hole in the wall.”

“Well, how about you guys play something?” Eli suggested, removing his guitar.

I'd forgotten I had mine almost... I guess it just felt more comfortable having one... I removed it at the same time.

“Yeah, you have to be better than us.” I mumbled, not too confident in myself. I wasn't all that good...

“Doubtful... We aren't so great yet. At least not as great as I'd prefer.” Kris sighed, taking the drumsticks and sitting behind the drumset. The others took their instruments and set up a little equipment.

The song wasn't bad at all. I liked the beat in it for sure, but they could use some tune up in areas. I wouldn't mention anything though. Eli would have them fixed up if he felt they interested him enough. I'm sure they would. He was still... Still fucking staring at Isaac!

What was he finding so interesting? He hated playing bass... So he couldn't be interested in that. They had to know each other. But one of them would have said something... Eli never hides who he knows...

I'd gotten so stuck in my thoughts I hadn't realized the song ended.

“I thought it was pretty good!” Eli exclaimed.

I agreed, wrapping my arms around Kris' neck. I was sick of being away from him at the moment

“Maybe you should open for us.” Eli mused, glancing at each one. He distinctly lingered on Isaac. He was staring at him... Purposely setting all his focus on him...

He kissed Kris before... He always hated gays... He must have been just confused about himself. He was gay or bi... He couldn't be though, right? He had to be... Straight... But... He was looking at Isaac just as much as any girl he'd liked.

“Would you fuckin quit it!” I yelled on accident. He snapped his head to give me his full attention. He was confused and so was everyone else it'd seemed. They didn't know my thoughts and nor did they know Eli.

“What?” Eli questioned, honestly confused.

I glanced at Isaac and then my brother. “You know what!” Okay, expecting him to read my mind isn't right... But he knew. He had to know!

“Jeez, Riel, calm down.” Kris laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my cheek. That distracted me for a moment.

“Opening for your band would be awesome!” Noah grinned, punching the air. Predictable. Even though he was predictable, it was entertaining.

“Yeah!” Riley agreed, eyes lighting up.

Isaac had just silently took off his bass, setting it against the wall. He was sitting on the edge of a window, palms on the seat beside his legs, ankles crossed. His attention was completely on Eli.

They must have known each other somewhere else? That would be the only logical thing. He knew what was bothering me but just blew it off.

“Well, next concert is a few days from now.” Eli added, “We can work something out.”

“Yeah, he just ignores me...” I muttered angrily mostly to myself and somewhat to Kris. I clung to Kris just wanting to forget what I was thinking and seeing and trying to piece together.

“I'm not ignoring you!” Eli spat. “But I don't see your problem.”

“How can't you? We go forever with you being all 'you can't be because I'm not' and then here you are-”

“Just leave me alone.” He sighed. “You're going on about nothing.” It wasn't nothing. It made perfect sense. He saw how dad hated me for being gay. He didn't want to deal with it, he was scared to be gay his whole life... So he pretended he was entirely straight and everything!

“No, I am not!”

“You guys can't fight over this later?” Kris asked me quietly, laughing lightly. Was it really that funny? “Not that Isaac hasn't figured out what's going on.” He added, looking from Isaac to Noah and Riley, who were still confused.

“No. I am sick of him. He's staying how he pretended to be his whole life!” I crossed my arms feeling extremely hurt and angry. Fine to be gay if its him, but if it's me the world is ending...

“I'm not hurting anyone... Jeez. It makes no difference anyway.” Eli threw his arms up, frustrated.

“It makes a difference! You do whatever you want, I never can.” I glared wanting to stand up and beat the shit out of him. Not that I would win of course.

“It wasn't me as much as dad. Chill out. You see me acting on anything?” Okay I guess he wasn't and most of it was dad... But still!

I half laughed, wanting to make it clear. “You're not going to.”

Eli shook his head returning my glare. “Like you can tell me what to do with my life.”

“Just don't be doing that here. Go do that somewhere else with someone else.”

“Oh, fuck off.” He laughed finding my reaction entertaining. He always found my anger amusing because it was a rarity. I've only tackled him a couple times... “I'm only bothering you.” He smirked, obviously wanting to provoke me to do so. I think he liked any excuse to start a physical fight with me or win something...

“Riel.” Kris stared at me, placing his index finger on my chin. “Be nice. You want your brother happy, don't you?” He questioned, smiling. And of course I did... But... Not like this. He didn't need to be, it wasn't fair. Not to me... “Besides,” He looked at Isaac, smile replaced with a smirk, “Isaac hasn't found anyone since me.”

Okay, so Eli definitely didn't know Isaac. Kris had dated him before, therefore the obvious comfort between the two. Though that was still rare.

“Shut up, Kris.” Isaac rolled his eyes, but smiled.

“Eli can go date some chick then. Isaac doesn't need to waste his time with my sexually confused ass of a brother.” I'm being kind of brutal I suppose...

“Hey, be nice. Listen to your boyfriend, Riel.” Eli grinned then glancing at Isaac... Again. “I'm not confused about anything.” Great. He really does want Isaac, doesn't he? What the fuck was going on in his damn mind? Seriously!

“Like hell you aren't! You were denying everything! Not even a month ago.” I spat angrily.

“Sometimes I wonder how you ended up a therapist.” He stated bluntly, just making me more upset. He wanted me a guitarist... But I did belong as a therapist! I wasn't that stupid kid I used to be anymore.

“Just shut up!” I ordered, throwing a random object at him, which he dodged.

He sighed. “Look, I'm sorry for anything I did to hurt you. Fuck, I spent a long time thinking about it. I accept you're gay, hell... Just back off now.”

“Stay away from guys.”

“You can't set rules for Eli.” Kris laughed. “We could double date, it'd be fun.”

There was no way I could sit at a table and watch my brother be all over some guy.

“Yeah, it could be fun.” Eli grinned.

“Yeah whatever. We're not. Isaac won't do it.” I stated hopefully, though not entirely confident that was the case. Isaac was staring at Eli just as much as Eli did him it seemed.

Eli rolled his eyes. “Why don't I ask then?” He turned away from me, then walked toward Isaac. He smiled sweetly, eyes softening as he spoke. “Isaac, would you like to go out with me sometime?”

“You don't date!” I yelled hoping to convince Isaac otherwise. Yes, I am being an ass. “No dating! Especially not some guy.”

They both completely ignored me.

“Sure. I'd like that.” Isaac smiled up at my brother. “As long as you aren't just gonna use me to be sure of the sexuality you're apparently confused about.” He added jokingly. He didn't believe anything I'd said...

“I'm not using you.” Eli assured. “If anything, my experiment was Kris....” He glared at Kris then leaned against the wall beside Isaac. At least he wasn't wanting Kris.

“You've gotta be kidding me... This can't be happening.” I whined, glaring at my duplicate with my arms crossed.

“Hey, all I did was kiss you in an attempt to figure out who was who.” Kris said, holding up his hands. “I was told you were straight.”

“Damn, Kris, have you kissed every guy in this room?” Isaac laughed.

“I haven't kissed Noah or Riley.” Kris chuckled.

“And you never will.” Noah stated, heading out of the room as Riley followed. He stopped in the doorway asking if anyone wanted a drink. Everyone shook their head no. Noah and Riley were probably too confused or disgusted to stay. I couldn't tell. I was too upset.

“I bet he hasn't kissed nearly as many as Riel.” Eli teased, grinning at me. Like I wanted to remember that?

“I don't wanna talk about it. Stop being an ass.” I clung to Kris staring at the floor. It was nothing I was proud of. Nothing that needed to be revisited.

“Aw... Poor baby Riel... Kris is so the man in your relationship!” Eli burst out laughing.

Great, first be an ass and now call me a girl. I swear the moment I get near him he'll be on the floor.

“How would you know?” I demanded defensively.

Eli stared at me dully with a 'what the fuck, are you serious' look. His eyes shifted to Isaac. “You agree with me?”

“Kris can't be anything other than the man in any relationship.” Isaac laughed. “He doesn't know how. That's why he's always with a girly dude.”

“Stop picking on Riel.” Kris ordered, though laughed, wrapping his arms around me.

I really wanna beat up Eli... And maybe accidentally shove him into... What kind of therapist thinks about this?

“Something we have in common I suppose.” Eli laughed. I guess he was a lot like Kris in some ways... But not too much. “Riel is the girliest I know though. Hard to believe we're identical twins. I think you were supposed to be a girl...” And then Timmy a boy, right?

“Fuck you!” I snapped. “I'm not that girly. Just emotional is all...”

“You're never on top of anything.” Eli grinned. “In more ways than one.”

“I swear imma kill you!” I yelled, trying hard to stay in one spot. I would strangle him...

Kris burst out laughing, burying his face in my shoulder. “Don't worry, Riel, your girliness is cute.” He grinned then pressing his lips against mine.

My eyes closed, relaxing a lot more as I took a step into Kris. This was a lot better than wanting to murder my brother.

“Hey, no make-out sessions. I feel left out...” Eli complained moments later. I really want to kill him again....

“You are annoying me so much today! More than ever.”

“Well it's not fair you get to and I gotta sit here and watch.”

I sighed. “Then leave...” Or make out with your new boy-toy....

Kris took my face in his hands forcing my lips back on his, which I wasn't going to complain about. I could handle sitting here and forgetting Eli completely.

I heard them stand up and leave the room. That was perfect for me. I'd kill him later if I was still angry enough.