Caged Mentality

POV: Khristos Larkin

I was getting pretty sick of Wednesdays. It was always the same routine.

I shut off my alarm and rolled out of bed anyway, though it was getting much easier, and it wasn't so bad anymore now that I'd gotten used to Dr. Carlin. He didn't really piss me off anymore, especially after seeing him outside of work. It just sucked seeing him at work because he had a job to do there and he had to look at least a little professional. No piercings, no t-shirts, none of the things that made him so much more attractive. I would have liked hanging out with him outside of work.

I brushed my teeth, hopped in the shower, and dressed in a pair of red skinny jeans with a multicolored graphic tee and a pair of black DC shoes. I wore rubber bracelets in a variety of colors on both wrists. As I did my eyeliner and hair, I wondered how therapy would go today... I didn't know what good it was even doing, aside from last week when my dad admitted to me where all his money was going. Otherwise Dr. Carlin and I just sit there and talk. What good is that doing?

I grabbed my car keys and headed out the door, jumping in my car and blasting Mindless Self Indulgence as I headed to therapy.

“Kris.” Dr. Carlin grinned as he opened the door, his gaze immediately falling on me. I was starting to like how happy he always was to see me. I stood and watched as he walked over to the receptionist, grabbing a clipboard and jotting something down. What the hell was even on those damn clipboards?

He went back over to the door, opening it, then holding it for me to go through. Knowing the routine, I walked through, going straight to the office and sitting on the armrest of the couch. My gaze followed him as he entered the room, glancing my way before sitting on his desk.

“So, what's on your mind today?” He asked as he spun a pen on his desk. What, was he bored already? “Anything new this week?”

“Nah. Just getting bored of these therapy things and your office self.” I said, hoping to get a chance to see him outside of work again. “You should come see me at work sometime and give me an excuse to take a break when I'm not supposed to.”

He laughed. “I'm supposed to be helping you. Not enabling you to skip out on work.” He shook his head. “Dr. Carlin is better for that.”

“Fine, I'll just have to drop by your house sometime.” I smirked. I wasn't going to give up on seeing him as Riel again. “Experiment with your bar a little.”

“Maybe next week's appointment can be somewhere else than here. You shouldn't get used to me being anything but Dr. Carlin. Alright?” He looked at his desk, writing on his calender.

“But I like you better as Riel.” I stated, wishing he wasn't so stubborn. “Where are we gonna go next week then?”

“I don't know. You can think about it through the week. And Riel isn't gonna help your anger.” Dr. Carlin noted. He still wasn't looking at me. It was getting on my nerves.

“I don't care. Riel's way cooler.” I gave a slight shrug. “I think you should pick where we go next week. You are the one in charge after all.”

“Alright. I'll find out where.” He mumbled. “I'm sorry I can only be Dr. Carlin for you. That's more important.” He picked up a phone book and began flipping through pages without even a glance in my direction.

“What, so I'm not allowed to see you outside of work now? That's stupid.” And unfair, let's not forget that. I got to see him once outside of work, what was the harm in once more? Well, I couldn't promise it would be just once more.

“I'm not saying that. But even outside work I'm just Dr. Carlin to you.” He sighed.

“You told me to call you Riel outside of work.” I stated to remind him. I didn't want just Dr. Carlin. “You're changing your mind?”

“If you see me outside work you can, I guess. I'm just saying, I'm Dr. Carlin before Riel.” Dr. Carlin wrote something else on the calendar, then picked up a pen, toying with it as he stared out the window. Was it really that hard to pay attention to me, his fucking patient?

“Lame. Your doctor self is too doctory.” I sighed heavily, getting extremely frustrated, both with his stubbornness and his not paying attention to me. “What did you write down?”

“You'll see next week.” He smiled. Even his smile was annoying me. Everything was at the moment. Hell, the fact I was getting so annoyed was annoying me. “And that's my job.”

“That's not fair. Can't you just tell me now?”

“Where's the fun in that?” He grinned, then got a drink and took a sip.

“Fine, I just won't come next week.” I clenched my jaw. He was acting like it was impossible to look at me. Like I'd turn him to stone like Medusa or something. “Or any Wednesday at ten AM. I'll just show up at your house sometimes to see Riel cause Dr. Carlin is too doctory.”

“Kris... You need me as Dr. Carlin. Not Riel. Riel is a bad influence. You get Riel next week more than Dr. Carlin. But I'm your therapist, I'm here to help with your anger.” He sighed and finally spared a glance in my direction, but only to drop his gaze to the floor after a second.

“I don't even need a therapist.” I said through gritted teeth as I stood. I wasn't getting any closer to achieving what I wanted, and he wouldn't fucking look at me for longer than two fucking seconds. “I don't want one either. I just have anger issues. If anyone needs a therapist, its you, you have fucking split personalities.”

“Kris, calm down. I just separate personal and business. I'm here to help with your anger, not deal with my own problems.”

My frustration and anger rose as I just stood glaring at him for a moment, my fists clenched. He wouldn't listen to me. I wanted Riel, why was that so bad? It just made me want him more since I wasn't allowed to have him. I walked over and clutched his tie, roughly pulling him over to me and crushing our lips together. His body tensed, startled, for a very brief moment before he relaxed and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I got absorbed in his taste, and I was left wanting more when he turned his head.

“Well this is something we need to talk about...” He sighed, not moving away. “Fucking Riel...”

I tangled my fingers in Riel's hair, one arm draped over his shoulder, clutching his shirt. I turned his head to face me so I could press my lips back to his. I wanted more. He was so addicting.

He parted my lips just before he pulled away. Apparently he couldn't make up his mind and it frustrated the hell out of me.

“Okay...” He said, out of breath. “Are you planning on kissing me again today?” He looked like he was forcing himself to keep his head away from me, like he was resisting a magnetic pull. I loved that I was doing that to him.

“Maybe,” I wrapped both arms around Riel's neck, my forehead against his. “What if I do?” I smirked slightly.

“You hate being here, but, even though you're sick of Dr. Carlin, you wanna make out with him?” He questioned, staring at me blankly. “You're my patient Kris... This... What do you want from me?”

“I want...” I gazed at him pensively, considering his question. I had no idea what I wanted really, all that came to mind was how much I suddenly wanted him, how strong my new-found desire for him was. But it took me this long to even realize I had kissed him, it really wasn't entirely intentional, it just happened. No thought process, no final decision, my subconscious took over when my anger did and it just happened. Not that I regretted it. “I don't know...”

“If you're gonna kiss me again we need to go somewhere else. Otherwise we need to figure out where we stand here.” Dr. Carlin mumbled, worry in his voice. “Either way I'm still only able to be Dr. Carlin for you Kris, alright?”

“Is that what you really want though?” I questioned, staring at him inquisitively, still not moving. I loved being close to him.

“What do you mean?” He gazed at me with a cautious look.

“The way you're acting and talking makes it seem like you want to be more than just my therapist.” I smirked, running my fingers through his hair. “So I'm just asking if being only Dr. Carlin with me is really what you want.”

“Kris... You don't want Riel, not really. You've seen me like that once.” He sighed and stared at the floor before stepping away from me. “Besides you don't even know if I'm straight.” He seemed so nervous. Because of me. Fucking cute. “You need help with your anger.” He sat on the desk.

“So what if being with you would help my anger?” I questioned, standing in front of him. “And I'm pretty sure you're not straight. You kissed me back, you didn't get disgusted and jump back.” I sat beside him. “But none of that answers my question.”

Not that I really needed an answer, I knew I was right.

“You don't really want me, Kris.” He mumbled, fumbling for his keys, then stood up. “I don't see how dating me will ease your anger.” He grabbed his jacket, then went to hold the door open. “We shouldn't be talking about this here...” His gaze was fixed on the floor.

“You're just going to ditch work?” I stood, heading out the door, stopping in front of him. “Whats up with you?” I laughed, still finding his nervousness cute. “Just relax.”

“I'm fine.” He sighed. “I can leave, you were my last appointment today. One canceled and two are on vacation.” He left and I followed, headed outside.

“Oh. I don't think you're fine, you seem super nervous.” I noted. “So where are we going?”

“My house. I'd hardly discuss this in some public area.” He mumbled, leading me to a gorgeous convertible Mitsubishi Eclipse. “Unless you wanna go somewhere else. And I... Just don't know what to do about you wanting me. I can't date my patient... Work... And personal...” His words mixed together in a nervous jumble. He bit his lip as he got into the driver's seat, clumsily shoving the key into the ignition.

“Fuckin' sweet car.” I complimented as I got in the passenger's seat. “A million times better than mine.” I paused, staring at Riel. I figured after kissing him, using his first name would be permissible. “But anyway, what do you want to do? Honestly. Work aside, what do you really want?”

“Don't ask that question...” He sighed, backing the car out of the parking space and heading for his house. Why couldn't he just straight up answer me? I wanted to hear it from him, not just assume I'm right.

“I just did. Gimme an answer. It won't be fair if I tell you what I want and you tell me nothing.”

“It doesn't matter what my answer is, Kris. Either way I'm Dr. Carlin. Either way I can't date you.” He mumbled quietly. The way he was avoiding answering made it completely obvious that he wanted to be with me. Defeats the whole purpose of avoidance.

“I asked what you want. It's not that hard to just tell me. Do you want to be with me? Or did you only kiss back because it's fun?”

“I would never kiss you just because it's fun. I'm not that big of an ass. You surprised me though...” He stated as he got out of the car. I did the same and we headed inside.