A Love Song For The Things I Didn't Do

Tomorrow, (June 21, 2001) was the day that Aly would start her life over in New York. Gerard with his boyish, crooked grin, that she missed so much was waiting for her there. Her life was waiting for her there.

She took a long shower and contemplated everything she'd soon have. She'd have Gerard and that alone, left her grinning like an idiot. She'd have a fresh atmosphere and a new chance to do something with her life. Without much warning, however, her mind began to plunge into dark territory. She got thinking about all the things she was leaving behind. Every memory of her mother was here - every childhood encounter worth holding onto, Mikey and Frank, Donna, her house - they were all here.

She flinched as the scorching water pelted her skin. Someone must've flushed the toilet in the other bathroom, but she was grateful because it snapped her out of her negative slump. Every trace of a bad thought was now sliding down the drain. Forgotten. Uneccessary. She didn't need anything holding her back, she decided firmly.

She got out of the shower and gave herself a hard look in the mirror. Sometimes she'd stand before her refleciton and wonder if the face she saw staring back at her, that never felt pretty enough, was pretty enough for Gerard. Did he appreciate her lips that felt too thin? The awkwardly shaped nose and the wide forehead? Sometimes at night, she'd lie in bed and trace the lines of her face, hoping to feel something more beautiful than she had the night before.

"Stop it," she told herself quietly. "You're good enough. He loves you."

She spent the rest of her night like this - internally debating with herself. She'd start to fret about some aspect of New York and right away, the other part of her would scoldingly assure herself that there was nothing to worry about.

Donna noticed her pale complexion as the two of them lounged in front of the TV.

"You're not worried, are you?" she asked.

"No, just thinking," Aly explained, which was the honest truth. She was thinking hard about how different things would be and yes, maybe worrying slightly.

"You better not worry," Donna said, knowing her all too well. "You know, the only person who can hold back Aly Parker is Aly Parker."

Aly promised she wouldn't get carried away and went downstairs to bed. She dreamt fitfully of everything going wrong. She was lost in the city, skyscrapers looming above her, strangers whirring by. Where was Gerard? She called for help, but her voice came out small and lost. She jolted awake at eight a.m., almost positive that her dream was some sort of omen. She tried not to read into it as she got up and dressed quickly.

She spent the morning loading up the car with her stuff and then went to the cafe, where Mikey and Frank were meeting her to say goodbye.

When she arrived, she was surprised to see not only Mikey and Frank, but Jamia, at their favorite table in the back.

"Jamia?" she exclaimed, pulling up a chair and joining them.

Jamia smiled wide. "About time, right? Yeah, I guess me and Frankie are official or something." She and Frank exchanged small smiles and he winked at her.

"I knew he'd fall for you. I knew it!" Aly couldn't help but exclaim triumphantly.

Frank rolled his eyes as he stirred his Mountain Dew with a straw. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Miss Aly knows all."

"Miss Aly is leaving today," Aly reminded him.

This earned several long sighs and shoulder slumps.

"Things aren't going to be the same without you, bud," Mikey told her, patting her knee under the table. "But you deserve this. You and Gerard derserve this so much."

"Thanks, Mikey," she gushed, putting her hand over his and squeezing it. "Thanks to both of you for making my life bearable over these years without Gerard." Her eyes landed on Jamia who was smiling politely at her. "And thanks to you too, Jamia. Frank won't have any time to miss me or worry about anything with you now."

Jamia looked down, her smile growing thoughtful.

"If I could bring you all with me, I would," Aly said quietly. "Someday, I feel like we'll be together again. You know, just us? Our story is nowhere near being finished."

"Amen," Mikey and Frank agreed and Jamia nodded a bit, too.

Aly stood, tears now in her eyes. "I gotta get going, guys. I'll call you all when I get there."

Everyone stood in unison and swarmed her with an enormous group hug. She held them back as a few tears escaped down her cheeks.

"Love you," she promised them and with that, she gave them all a final smile and was gone.

She and Donna set off on the long ride.

"You're shaking," Donna noticed, once they were a half hour away.

Aly looked down, suddenly noticing that it was true. Her knees were quavering tensely. "I'm excited," she muttered in explanation. "These nerves are the best kind."

"They are, aren't they? I'll tell you what, they're a million times worse on your wedding day."

Aly smiled, imagining her nerves intensified. She felt like if she was any more excited, she'd explode into jittery butterflies.

She kept picturing Gerard's initial expression when he would first see her. She pictured falling into his arms for the first time in a long time. She pictured staying there, in his warm embrace, where she belonged, where distance and time couldn't touch them.

"That's better," Donna said, noticing Aly's sudden smile. "Relax. Enjoy this."

They finally arrived and Gerard greeted them at the parking garage next to his apartment building. He ran and swopped Aly into an enormous hug, spinning her around as she laughed excitedly. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, relishing his feel and scent. She loved the way he smelled - so clean, humble, and familiar.

They finally pulled apart, both smiling tearfully at each other.

"You excited?" he asked.

She nodded, knowing words would fail her.

"Let's start getting your things up, yeah?" He said, gesturing to the carful of her bags and boxes.

It took several trips from Donna, Gerard, and Aly, but finally her things all sat in Gerard's apartment, where they most definitely belonged.

They all stood back and took the sight in. She lived here now. It was official.

That night, long after they'd thanked and said goodbye to Donna, Gerard and Aly laid in bed together for the first time since he'd been home for Christmas break.

It was dark and peaceful, their limbs entwined, her head on his shoulder.

"I've never been so comfortable," she said, breaking the silence.

"Me either," he agreed quietly. "Being out of school and having you here...makes me feel really accomplished. I've been working for this moment for the past four years of my life."

She found his hand in the darkness and laced her fingers with his. She thought about all the hard hours she put into the cafe. She thought about the lonely Friday nights spent with his family and never him. It was worth it, she decided, smiling. It was so worth it to have this.

"I'm going to look for a job as soon as I can --" she started to explain, but he cut her off gently.

"We don't have to plan anything right now. Right now, in this moment, I don't want to have to think about anything. I'm tired and you're here...that's all that matters."

She nuzzled her face against his shoulder. "I love you and your messy apartment. I can't wait to really start living here."

Thunder roared outside and Aly's entire body tensed. Gerard chuckled quietly.

"You're okay. And I agree - I can't wait for this, Alybear."

She flinched at the hideous nickname and tweaked his nose. "You're awful. I missed you."

"Missed you, too," he said and she could tell by his voice that he was slowly falling asleep.

"Gerard, you're going to sleep already?" she whispered.

"No, no," he answered slowly and tiredly. A few seconds later, he was yawning. A few seconds after that, he was breathing heavily, which meant he was definitely asleep.

She nestled up against him and didn't even mind that she wasn't tired. She laid there, listening to the thunder and Gerard's breathing, and decided if happily ever after's existed, this was definitely hers.