Happening Quickly.
Second Best.
How does it feel being second best? How does it feel always knowing your brother is loved more than you? How does it feel knowing your brother dropped out of school and will always make more money then you, even though you went to college? How does it feel that you’re nothing compared to your brother? How does it feel knowing your mum died loving your brother more instead of loving you equally, even on her death bed? Well, I feel like that, I feel it all.
Okay, so it’s the start of this and I already sound really depressed. But wouldn’t you be if you felt second best all the time? But I’m not depressed, I’m okay. I guess it’d be good if I tell you about me, right?
Well, yeah, I’m Kelly. I’m five foot five, I’m quite small, I get it. I have blue eyes and at times they look amazing. I have dark brown hair just past my shoulders, sometimes I dye it black though! I have a side fringe/bangs, with short layers. I listen to any kind of music really, electronica, alternative, screamo and more I guess. Depends on my mood really! A year ago I moved from Chicago, to come live down here in California, I left my family up there and that makes me happy, ‘cos their all obsessed with my brother.
At the moment I’m studying psychology in University Of Santa Cruz, in California. It’s fun I guess, except the fact I have NO friends there, which sucks, completely. [Well, I have one..]
The thing I never let anyone know is that my brother’s in a band, a band that’s sort of famous. I don’t like the fact people know him and that I’m nothing compared to him. I hate his music, really, but I’ve never told him. He’s in some shitty band called, Fall Out Boy. Heard of them? Their crap, I know. The lead singer, Pete Wentz, what a fucking pussy. He’s a dick in real life too, consisted of fake shit. But he’s not my brother (thankfully!) My brothers the midget ginger, known as Patrick. He’s fat. I’m not, thankfully too. Yeah, we were best friends when we were kids, but now I’m scared he just wants fame and I don’t like people like that.
My mom died of a terminal illness, cancer. What a deadly thing, it was breast cancer, scares the fuck out of me, is this going to happen to me? I loved my mom, I really did, but the fact she loved my brother more, kind of sucks, right?
I think me starting off there, would be smart.
* * *
I refused to look around, because if I did, there was a mild chance I’d puke. I had dressed up for the occasion and it had hurt my bank, I wasn’t going to hurt it some more. I felt the helicopter just hovering and I knew it was time.
“Do you want to do it?” Patrick asked me. I nodded my head from side to side, no. He grabbed the bag roughly from my hand and started pouring the ashes down into the ocean below. I looked over, just to watch them drop so far down below. He finished within ten seconds then smiled at me. I whispered a goodbye in my head.
It was only Patrick, the guy who controlled the helicopter and I in the helicopter. I told our dad not to come as mum and him hadn’t been the best of friends lately. I didn’t fancy the idea of people watching us dump our mother into the ocean liked that either. It was the only place we could put her, as she didn’t like the ground and she spent a lot of time on the beach with us when were kids, even in a shitty place like Chicago.
Patrick just seemed to go along with everything I said. I noticed he hadn’t cried once since I saw him. Even our reunion wasn’t emotional for him, but it was for me. Was he so different from me? Was he hurting at all? Or really did he just become so heartless in the making of getting famous. I didn’t understand him. Why were guys so confusing?
The helicopter landed on the roof of the hotel the reception was at. I had to face all the people now, ‘awing’ at my brother and not me. Nobody cared about me, I knew that, it was all about him. Truth be told, I’m jealous. So jealous, they do take notice of me, but I just think they do it a bit extra for him.
Patrick held my hand as I stepped down. It was breezy out, I wasn’t used to it being so cold, I liked my Californian sun. He helped me down the trap door and the steps. He was being sweet, I guess. We didn’t speak as he walked me through the hotel and into the dining room.
People were standing around drinking champagne, dressed in their black clothes. They all seemed to be sad. Like they’d lost a part of their souls. My mom was one to be the life and soul, without her it was a bit boring.
Just as we were approaching, Patrick pulled me to the side. He was probably going to give me ‘the talk’ and be on my best behaviour.
“Kelly.. You know that I have a house down in Cali, right?” Way to brag, show off that you can afford houses, when I can barely afford a one-bedroom apartment.
“Yeah?”
“I thought I’d tell you that I’m moving in there. I’d like to see the sun, Pete, Andy and Joe are coming too, but living in their own places. I know you’re struggling in your apartment, you admit a lot when you’re drunk, I guess. We also never see each other anymore, and I was just wondering would you like to come live with your big brother for a bit, or forever, I don‘t mind. Maybe even when I decide to come back to Chicago, you can have the house. I don‘t mind, all your decision.” He smiled.
“WHAT?! Are you insane? Oh my God! I can’t believe you’ve just asked me to come live with you! I’d love that, so much! Oh my God! Sure Patrick! This is going to be great, when are you moving in? When can I move in?” I started jumping up and down, I was acting like a little kid, but what he had just offered was quite amazing.
“Tomorrow I’m starting to move, I’ll be ready by Friday, would you like to come move in on Friday?” He nodded. I smiled at him and nodded. “But look, there’ll be people coming over sometimes and parties, do you mind?” He asked.
“No!” I giggled, then ran off, looking for my best friend, Adam. I found him quickly as he was chatting to my uncle.
Adam was quite tall, six foot three, I think. He has blonde shaggy hair, and wears skinny jeans, that look amazing on him. His eyes are the most beautiful green eyes too.
I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him aside, whilst apologising to my uncle. He stared at me up and down while I bounced for him. He didn’t speak but just stared.
“Patrick has asked me to come live with him, he’s moving to Cali! He might even give me the house if he moves out! How awesome is this? This is awesome! I have the best brother in the world! Oh my God! I want to scream!” I shouted.
“Kelly, calm down sweetheart. This sounds great, but gosh!”
* * *
It’s a five hour plane ride from Chicago to California. I was stuck on the plane with Adam and Fall Out Boy. Fun.
* * *
My bags were all packed and was all fitted into my car. I kissed my hand and blew a kiss to my apartment. Yeah, it was a crap one bed roomed apartment. But I had good memories in there and it deserved somebody else to care and love for it. I just hoped my apartment block wasn’t going to get knocked down and new ones built, that would just horrify me. I walked away and down the stairs with the last box. When I got outside I breathed in the California air and whispered goodbye.
If you were a passer-by and you saw my apartment block, you’d just think it was a grubby place, but it wasn’t. I had nice neighbours who cared for people, well not really, they had sex until the later hours and that didn’t help. But once when I got locked out the guy from next-door offered me a cigarette, which was pretty sweet.
I opened the car and stuffed the last box in and sat in the drivers seat. I breathed in and out, then my phone decided to play “Electroshock - 3OH!3”. I quickly took out my phone and read the text message, it was from Patrick. It read:
Look sis, sorry to do this, but I’m hanging with the guys and I can’t leave them, were practicing, I hope you won’t mind. You have your key anyway, so you can let yourself in, I’ll be home later, promise you, by the way, your room is purple, you like purple right? love your big bro, P xx
What the fuck? He was going to let me unpack all my stuff on my own? ‘’Love your big bro’’ I’m sorry, what? What a doss! Who does he think he is? Not even a real man to help his little sister move into his house, he made me so angry!
I drove to his house in complete anger, not even stopping for that little old woman who was trying to cross the road, stupid old people anyway, their old for a reason.
I pulled up into his drive and started to smile again, even though I was going to be doing this unpacking shit all on my own.
I opened the door with the key that I was given and walked in through the hall. It was painted white, with portraits everywhere. I decided to have a nose and see who my brother loved. On my right was a professional photo of my mom. I checked the date and noticed I hadn’t been there. I wonder if it was the two of them or just her, or maybe even all the family? I went over to the coffee table and noticed there was more photo’s. The first one was of mom, Patrick, dad and I. We all looked happy, I was about 14 in the picture. Patrick was skinny. Mom and Dad were happy. The one beside it was of him and the band, making faces. Next to it was Patrick and I when we were kids. My hand was half covering my face and Patrick was grinding, pretending to be the Hulk. We were in our old back garden. There was a lot of pictures, some were even of me, ones I’d never seen before. Was he just doing this because I was moving in?
I decided I should ignore the pictures and find my room. I walked up the carpeted stairs, in front of me was the bathroom, to my right was a bedroom. I decided to check in there first. I opened the door and looked in. It was a really big room. It was painted red, so this wasn’t my room. It was quite a nice room, flat screen television, Xbox, big wardrobe, red silk duvet and red silk pillows to match the room, also matching curtains!
I should stop being a pervert and find my own room. I continued down the hall to try find my room. It was the third room on the left. It was fairly big, bigger then my old room. Painted light purple. There was a big wardrobe for me too. The bed was a double bed and looked comfy. In a little plastic cover on the bed were duvets and pillow cases, at least I knew all the stuff he bough were new.
I put the box down and took out the first thing that was on top. My speakers. I plugged them into the socket by the wardrobe, then attached my iPod. I decided to blast some BlessTheFall. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and rang Adam.
“Adam, come round and help me unpack please, my brother bailed on me!”
Okay, sweetie pie. I’ll be over soon, just wait for me. Open the door ‘cos I’m not knocking!
“Sure!” I then hung up. Yay for best friends.
* * *
“Now if she touches you like this, will you touch her like that?” Adam sang to me. He was singing Metro Station. After I’d sent him a link to Metro Station on YouTube, he now loved them.
I just smiled at him, letting him know I was listening, but I was really concentrating on putting all my clothes on the wardrobe, seeing how many I could put in at a time. My record was eight. Adam was putting away all my underwear, I had nothing to worry about as he wasn’t interested in me and never would be.
It took us over an hour to complete my room and amazingly just as we finished Patrick came home. He offered to order a pizza and for the night Patrick, Adam and I sat in front of the television flicking through the channels. It was quite normal, I thought Patrick would be out partying but turns out he doesn’t do that a lot. He was still the same person he used to be, just a bit famous.
After about three hours later, Adam decided it was time to take his leave and left us be, so we just decided to both go to bed.
Okay, so it’s the start of this and I already sound really depressed. But wouldn’t you be if you felt second best all the time? But I’m not depressed, I’m okay. I guess it’d be good if I tell you about me, right?
Well, yeah, I’m Kelly. I’m five foot five, I’m quite small, I get it. I have blue eyes and at times they look amazing. I have dark brown hair just past my shoulders, sometimes I dye it black though! I have a side fringe/bangs, with short layers. I listen to any kind of music really, electronica, alternative, screamo and more I guess. Depends on my mood really! A year ago I moved from Chicago, to come live down here in California, I left my family up there and that makes me happy, ‘cos their all obsessed with my brother.
At the moment I’m studying psychology in University Of Santa Cruz, in California. It’s fun I guess, except the fact I have NO friends there, which sucks, completely. [Well, I have one..]
The thing I never let anyone know is that my brother’s in a band, a band that’s sort of famous. I don’t like the fact people know him and that I’m nothing compared to him. I hate his music, really, but I’ve never told him. He’s in some shitty band called, Fall Out Boy. Heard of them? Their crap, I know. The lead singer, Pete Wentz, what a fucking pussy. He’s a dick in real life too, consisted of fake shit. But he’s not my brother (thankfully!) My brothers the midget ginger, known as Patrick. He’s fat. I’m not, thankfully too. Yeah, we were best friends when we were kids, but now I’m scared he just wants fame and I don’t like people like that.
My mom died of a terminal illness, cancer. What a deadly thing, it was breast cancer, scares the fuck out of me, is this going to happen to me? I loved my mom, I really did, but the fact she loved my brother more, kind of sucks, right?
I think me starting off there, would be smart.
* * *
I refused to look around, because if I did, there was a mild chance I’d puke. I had dressed up for the occasion and it had hurt my bank, I wasn’t going to hurt it some more. I felt the helicopter just hovering and I knew it was time.
“Do you want to do it?” Patrick asked me. I nodded my head from side to side, no. He grabbed the bag roughly from my hand and started pouring the ashes down into the ocean below. I looked over, just to watch them drop so far down below. He finished within ten seconds then smiled at me. I whispered a goodbye in my head.
It was only Patrick, the guy who controlled the helicopter and I in the helicopter. I told our dad not to come as mum and him hadn’t been the best of friends lately. I didn’t fancy the idea of people watching us dump our mother into the ocean liked that either. It was the only place we could put her, as she didn’t like the ground and she spent a lot of time on the beach with us when were kids, even in a shitty place like Chicago.
Patrick just seemed to go along with everything I said. I noticed he hadn’t cried once since I saw him. Even our reunion wasn’t emotional for him, but it was for me. Was he so different from me? Was he hurting at all? Or really did he just become so heartless in the making of getting famous. I didn’t understand him. Why were guys so confusing?
The helicopter landed on the roof of the hotel the reception was at. I had to face all the people now, ‘awing’ at my brother and not me. Nobody cared about me, I knew that, it was all about him. Truth be told, I’m jealous. So jealous, they do take notice of me, but I just think they do it a bit extra for him.
Patrick held my hand as I stepped down. It was breezy out, I wasn’t used to it being so cold, I liked my Californian sun. He helped me down the trap door and the steps. He was being sweet, I guess. We didn’t speak as he walked me through the hotel and into the dining room.
People were standing around drinking champagne, dressed in their black clothes. They all seemed to be sad. Like they’d lost a part of their souls. My mom was one to be the life and soul, without her it was a bit boring.
Just as we were approaching, Patrick pulled me to the side. He was probably going to give me ‘the talk’ and be on my best behaviour.
“Kelly.. You know that I have a house down in Cali, right?” Way to brag, show off that you can afford houses, when I can barely afford a one-bedroom apartment.
“Yeah?”
“I thought I’d tell you that I’m moving in there. I’d like to see the sun, Pete, Andy and Joe are coming too, but living in their own places. I know you’re struggling in your apartment, you admit a lot when you’re drunk, I guess. We also never see each other anymore, and I was just wondering would you like to come live with your big brother for a bit, or forever, I don‘t mind. Maybe even when I decide to come back to Chicago, you can have the house. I don‘t mind, all your decision.” He smiled.
“WHAT?! Are you insane? Oh my God! I can’t believe you’ve just asked me to come live with you! I’d love that, so much! Oh my God! Sure Patrick! This is going to be great, when are you moving in? When can I move in?” I started jumping up and down, I was acting like a little kid, but what he had just offered was quite amazing.
“Tomorrow I’m starting to move, I’ll be ready by Friday, would you like to come move in on Friday?” He nodded. I smiled at him and nodded. “But look, there’ll be people coming over sometimes and parties, do you mind?” He asked.
“No!” I giggled, then ran off, looking for my best friend, Adam. I found him quickly as he was chatting to my uncle.
Adam was quite tall, six foot three, I think. He has blonde shaggy hair, and wears skinny jeans, that look amazing on him. His eyes are the most beautiful green eyes too.
I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him aside, whilst apologising to my uncle. He stared at me up and down while I bounced for him. He didn’t speak but just stared.
“Patrick has asked me to come live with him, he’s moving to Cali! He might even give me the house if he moves out! How awesome is this? This is awesome! I have the best brother in the world! Oh my God! I want to scream!” I shouted.
“Kelly, calm down sweetheart. This sounds great, but gosh!”
* * *
It’s a five hour plane ride from Chicago to California. I was stuck on the plane with Adam and Fall Out Boy. Fun.
* * *
My bags were all packed and was all fitted into my car. I kissed my hand and blew a kiss to my apartment. Yeah, it was a crap one bed roomed apartment. But I had good memories in there and it deserved somebody else to care and love for it. I just hoped my apartment block wasn’t going to get knocked down and new ones built, that would just horrify me. I walked away and down the stairs with the last box. When I got outside I breathed in the California air and whispered goodbye.
If you were a passer-by and you saw my apartment block, you’d just think it was a grubby place, but it wasn’t. I had nice neighbours who cared for people, well not really, they had sex until the later hours and that didn’t help. But once when I got locked out the guy from next-door offered me a cigarette, which was pretty sweet.
I opened the car and stuffed the last box in and sat in the drivers seat. I breathed in and out, then my phone decided to play “Electroshock - 3OH!3”. I quickly took out my phone and read the text message, it was from Patrick. It read:
Look sis, sorry to do this, but I’m hanging with the guys and I can’t leave them, were practicing, I hope you won’t mind. You have your key anyway, so you can let yourself in, I’ll be home later, promise you, by the way, your room is purple, you like purple right? love your big bro, P xx
What the fuck? He was going to let me unpack all my stuff on my own? ‘’Love your big bro’’ I’m sorry, what? What a doss! Who does he think he is? Not even a real man to help his little sister move into his house, he made me so angry!
I drove to his house in complete anger, not even stopping for that little old woman who was trying to cross the road, stupid old people anyway, their old for a reason.
I pulled up into his drive and started to smile again, even though I was going to be doing this unpacking shit all on my own.
I opened the door with the key that I was given and walked in through the hall. It was painted white, with portraits everywhere. I decided to have a nose and see who my brother loved. On my right was a professional photo of my mom. I checked the date and noticed I hadn’t been there. I wonder if it was the two of them or just her, or maybe even all the family? I went over to the coffee table and noticed there was more photo’s. The first one was of mom, Patrick, dad and I. We all looked happy, I was about 14 in the picture. Patrick was skinny. Mom and Dad were happy. The one beside it was of him and the band, making faces. Next to it was Patrick and I when we were kids. My hand was half covering my face and Patrick was grinding, pretending to be the Hulk. We were in our old back garden. There was a lot of pictures, some were even of me, ones I’d never seen before. Was he just doing this because I was moving in?
I decided I should ignore the pictures and find my room. I walked up the carpeted stairs, in front of me was the bathroom, to my right was a bedroom. I decided to check in there first. I opened the door and looked in. It was a really big room. It was painted red, so this wasn’t my room. It was quite a nice room, flat screen television, Xbox, big wardrobe, red silk duvet and red silk pillows to match the room, also matching curtains!
I should stop being a pervert and find my own room. I continued down the hall to try find my room. It was the third room on the left. It was fairly big, bigger then my old room. Painted light purple. There was a big wardrobe for me too. The bed was a double bed and looked comfy. In a little plastic cover on the bed were duvets and pillow cases, at least I knew all the stuff he bough were new.
I put the box down and took out the first thing that was on top. My speakers. I plugged them into the socket by the wardrobe, then attached my iPod. I decided to blast some BlessTheFall. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and rang Adam.
“Adam, come round and help me unpack please, my brother bailed on me!”
Okay, sweetie pie. I’ll be over soon, just wait for me. Open the door ‘cos I’m not knocking!
“Sure!” I then hung up. Yay for best friends.
* * *
“Now if she touches you like this, will you touch her like that?” Adam sang to me. He was singing Metro Station. After I’d sent him a link to Metro Station on YouTube, he now loved them.
I just smiled at him, letting him know I was listening, but I was really concentrating on putting all my clothes on the wardrobe, seeing how many I could put in at a time. My record was eight. Adam was putting away all my underwear, I had nothing to worry about as he wasn’t interested in me and never would be.
It took us over an hour to complete my room and amazingly just as we finished Patrick came home. He offered to order a pizza and for the night Patrick, Adam and I sat in front of the television flicking through the channels. It was quite normal, I thought Patrick would be out partying but turns out he doesn’t do that a lot. He was still the same person he used to be, just a bit famous.
After about three hours later, Adam decided it was time to take his leave and left us be, so we just decided to both go to bed.