Sleeping with the fishes

Alice sat alone. She sat on her bed with her back against the wall. She sat there in a deep conversation with Steph.

Alice: “Why? What did the fish do? . . . Nothing? Then why do you want me to do it? . . . No! I can’t let them die . . . because they are all I have. . . I cant. . . No! . . . They’re not in pain. . . There fine (Alice points to a small fish bowl with 3 large goldfish swimming happily in it). . . See. . . They’re fine, happy. . . They’re ill? . . . Why are they ill?. . . Will they live. . . will, will it be painful. . . No! they cant go like that. . . No. . . Can I stop it? . . . Please I don’t want to do that. . . I cant . . . please . . . don’t make me do it. . . No I don’t want them in pain. . . please no. . . I cant. . . That’s mean. . . I don’t want to. . . No. . . Not me. . . i- i- okay. . . I’ll do it. . . but don’t tell mummy or daddy. . . please. . . I don’t want them to know. . . okay. . . Thank you (Alice walks over to the fish bowl and scoops out the fish, one by one. They all struggle and gasp for air until they finally stop. Dead) There. . . No more pain. . . They’re safe now. . . What do you mean. . . I saved them. . . I’m not a murderer. . . I saved them. . . No. Please don’t tell them. . . No. . . No don’t tell them. . . I’ll get into trouble. . . please don’t. . . No. . . They do love me. . . Mummy said so. . . No. . . They do want me. . . Your lying, they do love me. . . I’m not a waste of space. . . No, I’m not. . . I stay here because its safe, mummy says its better for me. . . No, it is. . . I cant get hurt here. . . She did say that. . . No, its not like that. . . Mummy said to stay here. . . I cant leave the room. . . No, they do want me. . . They don’t lock me up. . . It’s just safer. . . No. . . No. . . well. . . maybe. . . maybe your right. . . Maybe. . . they don’t . . No. . . she does want me, doesn’t she? . . . are you sure. . . Did she really tell you that. . . you promise? . . . (Alice wipes away some tears falling from the corner of her eye) okay. . . It makes sense really. . . she keeps me in here. . . Do you want to know a secret. . . do you promise not to tell. . . okay. . . She wants to put me to another home. . . I found the book. . . It’s a big white house, but daddy doesn’t want me to go, I heard him tell mummy no. He doesn’t want me to go. . . No, its not a hospital . . . no its just a big house for people like me. . . there’s nothing wrong with me though. . . No, I’m just special. . . Yes I am daddy said so. . . Daddy! Your home! . . . what’s what daddy?. . . I don’t know daddy. . . I don’t know how that got there. . . Maybe it was Steph daddy. . . She had her bag today. . . Yes, that bag. . . No, I didn’t take anything from it. . . I remember what happened last time. . . They made me really sleepy last time. . . Remember? . . . No daddy I didn’t look in ti. . . Well I don’t know if it was her defiantly. . . No, I just think it was her. . . No. I promise. I didn’t honestly. . . No! I wont do that again daddy. . . It was only one time i promise I wont do it again. . . No daddy I wont. . . I promise. . . I don’t know why its there. . . No. I don’t want to and I cant even tie the knot. . . I didn’t put the rope there honestly. . . No I don’t want to do that. . . No. . . I don’t want to do it. . . I promised them, I promised the doctors. . . I thought you loved me daddy? I thought you wanted me to stay? . . . Why did you lie daddy. . .But daddy. . . Why daddy? Will it help? . . . It makes them all go away. . . They cant hurt me then. . . Then okay, if it makes them go away then okay. . . Will you help me daddy? Will you help me. . . Thank you daddy. . . Daddy? I did something bad. . . I didn’t mean to. . . I listened to her daddy, I listened to Steph. . . She said it was okay. She said you and mummy wouldn’t be mad, you didn’t want them anymore. She said they were in pain. She told me they were drowning, that they were dying in pain. . . No I didn’t want to. . . . She made me daddy. . . She told me it would make everything better. . . Make them safe like I am. . . I didn’t mean to kill them. Steph said she would hurt me if I didn’t, you know what happened last time she got mad, don’t you daddy?. . . She got me badly last time daddy. . . They are over there daddy ( Alice points to the dead fish lying beside the bowl ) . . . Please daddy, I didn’t mean to. . . She was going t hurt me, I know she was. . . I’m sorry daddy. . . I really am. . . Will you still help me? Make them go away? . . . You’ll do it?. . . Thank you daddy. . . Okay. . . Bye bye”

Alice’s body was found hours later by her mother and father who had been in the garden all day. They found her body suspended in mid air by a rope hanging from a high up clothes rail.