Sensations

I watched in awe as Joshua got out of the car in his usual way, one hand dutifully skimming along the hood of my car until he reached the center of it as the other held his shirt up to his head. However, what he did next surprised me. He turned slowly, his lips moving in unspoken words as he slowly began to walk towards my front door, stopping around six inches from the bottom step. He stood there, the back of his lean body facing me as he waited for me to come to him.

"How'd you do that?" I asked excitedly as I approached him from behind.

"Counting steps," he commented. "Memorizing."

I mentally slapped myself for forgetting one of the amazing abilities that Joshua has developed to get around regularly. He's been to my house once and he already knows his way around. He pays attention to me. Certainly, he doesn't memorize things so quickly unless they're important, right?

Just keep telling yourself that, Dayne. You're nothing but his journalism partner.

A soft smile placed itself on my lips as he automatically leaned back against me, as if he knew that there was no way I was going to allow his fragile body to climb the rickety front steps of my house. I shifted his backpack awkwardly before both of my hands wrapped around his waist, lifting his body up gently as I quickly climbed my front steps, supporting both of our weight's. A sigh broke free from my lips as I removed my hands from his body to open my front door. It seemed as if any bit of my skin that was able to touch Joshua would temporarily heat up, and after all contact was removed, it felt like the smooth contours of his body were still being caressed by the palms of my hand. His smell, his touch, they were both always lingering.

"We're going to the kitchen," I told Joshua as we walked inside of my house. I reached around and pulled the front door closed behind me, turning around quickly and gently removing his backpack from around his shoulders, placing it next to mine on the floor by the coat rack.

Joshua nodded his head as he set off in the direction of my kitchen, all from memory. I watched his lips form their unspoken words, seeing him silently count from one to thirteen as he made his way into the kitchen, narrowly avoiding the wall at one point.

"I'm just going to grab you a new shirt," I muttered under my breath as I ran upstairs as fast as possible without making thunderous footsteps that would echo around the empty house in an intimidating manner. It was just Joshua and I since my grandparents were out spending a day together today. They do things like this often, just leaving the house and doing who knows what as they spent the day together, having no worries at all. It's what keeps them going, what keeps their love strong, what I want to experience when I'm their age. I want a love like theirs to get me by.

I swung open my closet, digging deep into it in search of a t-shirt that is too small on me. Anything small on me would fit Joshua because even though he's taller then me, he's thinner, having more of a swimmer's body than anything else. A victorious smile placed itself on my lips as I emerged from the cave that is my closet, an old purple and black plaid button up in my hands. I forgot about this thing, to be honest, but it was my favorite shirt last year. It always brought me luck, but it's too small for me now, perfect for Joshua though.

I jogged over to the bathroom on the other side of the floor and opened up the medicine cabinet, taking out some gauze, some medical tape, and some cream to put on the cut so that it doesn't get infected. I know that Joshua would probably just want this done and taken care of as cleanly and quickly as possible. He always likes to avoid big obstacles and I doubt he has any desire to be taken to the hospital anytime soon. Hospitals are intimidating when you can see what's going on around you since they're full of the sickly smell of illness, the slow yet steady beating of heart monitors, and the heartbreaking tears of those who have recently lost someone or have someone who is teetering on the edges of life and death. Yeah, avoiding hospitals with Joshua will be a great thing, he'd be too overwhelmed.

Another smile placed itself on my features as I went downstairs and found Joshua in the kitchen, sitting on my kitchen table as he swung his legs back and forth childishly, his shirt still clutched to his head. He either has a great and enviable pain tolerance or he's a master at masking his pain. Either or, seeing the childish side of Joshua shine through in such a horrible situation was both refreshing and extremely adorable.

"Hey," I said softly so that he knew he was no longer alone in the kitchen. "I brought you an old shirt of mine that doesn't fit anymore," I explained as I gently reached out to place my old shirt in his empty palm.

"Thanks," he said graciously as he took my hand and put it against his now ruined shirt on his head, prompting me to hold it there for him as he put my shirt on. I was going to offer my help since it was a button up instead of a simple pullover, but instead I watched him find his way around things with quiet fascination.

His fingers unbundled the fabric of my shirt, running along it appreciatively until he found the buttons on one side and the wholes that the buttons go through on the other. His fingers focused on the side with the holes, clutching onto it as he slowly stuck his finger through each hole, searching for a hole underneath it until he was at the bottom of the shirt. His sinfully long fingers went back to the other side of the shirt, playing with the buttons until he found the one on the bottom, quickly buttoning the bottom button with ease. He pulled the shirt over his head then, making sure that the open side of it was along the front of his body before he carefully shoved both of his arms through the sleeves, clutching the edge of each sleeve so that they wouldn't bunch up before he buttoned the rest of the buttons, starting at the bottom and working his way up, leaving the top two buttons unbuttoned so you could see the top of his white undershirt.

Not to sound creepy, but it always fascinates me to just observe him and watch him perform tasks that I find so easy in his own patient way. Most blind people would need help with such a task, but Joshua refuses to submit to the blind stereotype. Again, my respect for him is never ending.

His hand came up and gently patted mine away as he held his soiled shirt by himself again, shocking me out of my thought process. He can't see me staring at him, but no one would appreciate being stared at or getting blatantly checked out.

"Okay," I muttered, shaking my head so that I could focus as I opened up the small cabinet under the kitchen sink and pulled out a few small, clean dish towels. "I have some cream so it won't get infected and then I can just bandage you up and send you on your way," I explained.

"I called Kat while you were upstairs and told her where to pick me up so she wouldn't be surprised to not find me at school," he commented. "I hope you don't mind."

It was just then that I noticed the phone off of its charger, sitting a few inches away from Joshua's free hand. I must be even more oblivious than I originally thought. Joshua has that effect on me.

"No problem," I muttered as I stood next to his closed legs which he now stopped kicking back and forth. "This may sting a little," I warned as I slowly moved towards him, removing the bloodied garment from the corner of his head and slinking back a bit at the sight of all the blood that was now staining his tan skin. He shouldn't have to feel such pain, especially since it's probably even more noticeable for someone like him, resonating within his entire skull.

The second that the small cloth in my hand made contact with his temple, he jerked away awkwardly, his hand coming up to touch his temple. I quickly grabbed for it, stopping him before he touched it, making the risk for infection even greater. "I'm so sorry," I soothed as he slowly lowered his hand back to his lap, my hand moving to the side to caress the left side of his head as I slowly dabbed at the cut again, thanking the lord that it had momentarily stopped gushing blood. I took a new wet towel and starting dabbing at the cut, slowly wiping away the blood that stained his skin and the excess cream. Joshua's hands absentmindedly wrapped around my arm, entwining his fingers around it softly out of instinct, his head nestling itself into my palm. I could feel his hot breath fan across the sensitive inner skin of my wrist as the corner of his lips opened and closed against the pad of my palm in synchronization with his breathing, his long eyelashes tickling my fingertips as they opened and closed with the steady blinking of his gorgeous eyes. It was overwhelming, the realization that something like this would normally have no effect on me, but for some reason, when I'm with Joshua everything changes. I don't know if it's Joshua himself or the fact that Joshua's disabilities bring a new outlook on life for me, making me notice things more, making the little things that would normally go unnoticed mean so much more and seem so much more intimate and thoughtful. People should really appreciate the little things in life.

"This is probably going to leave a little scar," I murmured to Joshua as I reached for the gauze, having a bit of trouble folding it up and placing it properly without removing the hand that Joshua was curling his upper body into.

Joshua huffed as one of his hands unraveled itself from around my arm and came up to gently prod the skin around his cut, doing his best to mask the little twitch of his eyes when his fingers would touch certain areas. Yes, this is definitely going to scar.

"It's okay though," I assured him. "In some cases, scars are sorta sexy."

You could see in the way that Joshua's lip curled that he took satisfaction in my assurance, and the way that his hand wrapped around my arm again, squeezing just a tiny bit tighter increased that feeling. "But not always," he muttered, picking apart my sentence within his mind, analyzing each and every word just like he always does.

"In this case it will," I murmured. "It's this light curve near your temple, easily hidden by your hair. Good placement," I went on as I slowly taped the gauze to his head in case it started to bleed again, all while the fingers of my left hand curled into the lower tendrils of Joshua's hair on their own accord.

"There's no such thing as a good scar," Joshua commented. "Most of the time they all carry horrible memories."

"Yeah, but there's such a thing as a sexy-looking scar that brings an air of mystery," I shot back.

"I give up," Joshua muttered. "I'm not winning this battle," he admitted in defeat, shifting his head against my hand a little bit as if he wanted to hide the little smile that was now playing on those luscious lips of his. I love this side of Joshua, the one that will go along with my little battles, the one that will give me these rare little moments that make my heart skip a beat, the one that had me tied around those sinfully long fingers of his within days of meeting him.

“Good, because you are now sporting what is going to be an extremely sexy scar.”

A low chuckle broke free from his lips, a sound that was music to my ears, as he shook his head. “Whatever you say, Dayne.”

Whatever was about to leave my lips was halted by the loud, obnoxious honking of a horn outside of my front door. Kat must be here to pick Joshua up. I hadn’t realized that time had flown by so fast, and I truly wished it hadn’t.

I sighed as I removed my hand from the side of his head, gently playing with some of the loose tendrils of his white hair that surrounded his right temple so that they covered the bandage, but didn’t make him look extremely out of character. I don’t know much about Kat, but I do know that anyone that was remotely sane would freak out if someone who meant the world to them randomly came home with a huge bandage on their head. At least I’m assuming that’s how she would react, but if she took such a great part in raising such an amazing kid like Joshua, she must not be that bad.

Joshua hopped off my kitchen table, finding his way back to my front door easily as I jogged ahead to pick up his backpack and hand it to him.

“Thanks, Dayne,” he murmured as he threw the bag over his shoulders and leaned against the door, “for everything. I just… I really appreciate it all.”

“It’s no problem,” I responded as I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his torso out of instinct, pulling him in for a hug. Another low chuckle passed his lips before he carelessly slung both of his arms around my shoulders, reciprocating the hug. It’s times like this that I didn’t mind our height difference that much. With my head resting against his heart since I’m normally the height of his shoulders, I could scarcely make out the increase in his heartbeat as my arms wrapped around his body and pulled him into me. He’s downplaying this.

I leaned back, content with my discovery, but my breath caught in the back of my throat as I realized just how close Joshua was. His head was leaning down since he was resting it against mine when I hugged him and as I pulled away, his grip around my body slowly loosened until his hands were just lazily linked around my neck, his fingers playing with the loose tendrils of my hair at the base of my neck. His fingers are always locked in an intricate dance with some other object, I’ve noticed, whether it’s his own fingers, hair, some type of fabric, or another person’s skin. They are always dancing. I shook my head quickly since I was getting off topic, focusing on Joshua’s face more than his fingers that were probably only playing with my hair because he didn’t realize it. His eyes I know he’s blind, and God, how I wish he wasn’t, but I’m having a hard time believing that he really is blind at this very moment. Those beautiful, beautiful blue portals seemed to be staring right at me, right through me, as if he was reaching deep within my soul through a simple gaze. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn they were focused on me, nothing else, and the way he was looking at me was just too much.

Without even realizing what I was doing or thinking it through, I pressed my lips to his, my hands gripping his hips gently as I was acting on impulse. Call me a selfish creature, but I’ve wanted this for so long. I could scarcely feel Joshua’s eyelashes flutter against the top of my cheekbones as his eyes closed, his fingers now digging into my neck.

I slowly pulled away with the intent to back off completely, give Joshua his space, as I realized that I had just stolen his first kiss for my own selfish reasons, but his hands around my neck wouldn’t allow me to. He held me still, my head only inches from his.

His head was still slightly tilted downwards, his lips barely parted as his eyes remained shut. His head hadn’t even moved an inch as he processed what had just happened. I was scared to move as I watched his head tilt more towards me, his eyes slowly opening as if he could see again, as if he knew the effect that he had on me when he looked in my general direction as his eyes opened and close. He takes on an almost submissive air even though that’s not even possible. I’m imagining things because things like this simply couldn’t be real, but the level of intimacy that such tiny interactions have between us never ceases to blow my mind. This boy, oh god, this boy is beyond special.

A soft sigh laced with nervousness escaped his lips as his hands slowly untangled themselves from my neck, instead moving to caress my cheeks as he slowly tilted my head towards his in a silent invitation, one that I was more than willing to accept.

I closed the gap between us with a bit more certainty this time, claiming his lips as my own once more. It was just a simple kiss, but it sent pleasant shivers down my spine as I felt Joshua’s plump lips hesitantly come to my life underneath my own. I could sense his nervousness as his breath came out slightly ragged, prompting me to lean back and gently kiss his neck, giving him more time to just think things over, but it seemed like his mind was already made up since an almost high-pitched mewl escaped his lips the second I pulled away. And even quicker than the sound escaped his lips, he slinked against the door in embarrassment, cornering himself as he realized what he had done. I ran my hands soothingly along the left side of his torso as I leaned in gently to press another tiny kiss to the corner of his lips, not wanting to overwhelm him.

But before I could do anything else, another loud honk sounded form his sisters car, jolting us both back to reality as we jumped in shock, Joshua managing to hit his head against the door. His hands quickly released my neck, wrapping around the back of his head as that inevitable blanket of redness settled upon his cheeks, creeping down to his neck. He was simply too adorable.

“I-I should go,” he said nervously, a small giggle passing his lips as he felt along the door hurriedly, tugging it open the second his hands found the handle. He walked outside quickly before slipping on the first step, making me jump outside real quick and grip his hips, settling his body on the ground in front of the bottom step without having to go down any myself.

He kept laughing nervously as he turned around, mouthing apologies before he accidentally walked right into the hood of my car, apologizing again once he realized what it was. Nervous giggles followed him as he traced the hood of my car and walked to the edge of my driveway, pausing in uncertainty.

“Four steps to your right,” I called out as I gently closed the door, running to my window to watch him drive away with Kat. The last thing I saw as he got into his car was one hand gently hold the back of his head while the other tried to mask his blush, a look of surprise etched on his features.

I leaned away from the window once they were out of view, nibbling my lower lip in happiness as I replayed our rather special kiss from moments before repeatedly in my head.

He tastes like cotton candy.