Our Endless Numbered Days

we all lost something that day.

more than hope, more than light, more than an ending.

there are two stumps of wrecked bone and flesh on micheal's shoulder blades, where his wings should have been. the protector has been rid of his weapons.

raphael, always so calm and capable, isn't quite anymore. his hands are gone, nothing but air at the tips of his arms. the healer no longer has his tools.

there is also someone who isn't with us anymore. azrael with the fire in her blood has been consumed, turned to ashes. because we do not need death, now.

and i, i cannot speak. the words are gone, ripped from my throat and stolen from my heart. it's only fitting that the messenger loses his tongue.

but most of all, i lost you. and in turn, i lost eternity.

-

i am allowed to go down every thousand years or so. i have done a good job, and i deserve a reward. you gave me those too, so many times, prizes for things i was not even ought to do. i did them because i wanted to, because of you.

i miss you. i am missing you, everyday.

-

earth is empty, and every millennium i spend away from it, the less there is to return to. it is my home too, just as much, maybe more, than up above.

this is where the four horsemen rode. this is where the biggest meteor landed. this is where the last forest burnt with its last inhabitant. this is where the plague began. this is where two towers that touched the sky in turn toppled over to kiss the ground. this is where a demi-god left his stage and abandoned the mic, turning to his lover and succumbing to a disease. this is where six million innocents were slaughtered because of the color of their eyes. this is where a king took his brides to the guillotine. this is where the start of civilisation fell to a greater city. this is where woman tempted man for the first time.

but over here, here is where a believer's body lay with a smile on his face as he was taken home to paradise. this is where a crowd armed with flags of color fought for their right to love. this is where a singer wrote his legacy of trading in kingdoms for kisses. this is where a genius flew a kite and discovered immeasurable power. this is where two brothers learned to fly. this is where water was turned to wine. this is where a messiah was born. this is where a people crossed over a red sea after they were finally granted freedom. and this, this is where man made love to woman for the first time.

the same way you made love to me, until all our time was gone.

-

i am always alone when i walk. there is no sound but the occasional companiable wind, the dry ocean trying to make peace with the soil, or maybe the echo of laughter flitting about like butterflies that no longer exist. i do not know who it belongs to.

it is certainly not mine. there is no more joy in singing, or in taste, or in words no one can hear.

that is, until you came, but you were not laughing then either.

-

i was long past prayer. this was something my father will never grant me. but you found me, once again. you always did, even when i did not want you to.

i was sitting in the darkness, for the sun had long died, atop a piece of nowhere where a building was buried.

this is where i used up my last word, for our goodbyes. this is where we fucked like animals hours into the final dawn. this is where we retreated to every night after a walk in the streets, after a stint in the alleys. this is where we had forever. this is where you realized you could no longer hurt me. this is where i forgave you.

this is where you saw me, sitting in the darkness atop a piece of nowhere with my wings unfurled from my back, and stood, right behind me, waiting for me to realize you were there.

it did not take very long. i had been waiting for you long before i allowed myself to admit it.

-

i did not speak, but you mistook it for shock. you did not waste time in crashing our lips together before you withdrew. i saw the horror on your face when you felt my tongue missing.

i only smiled, apologetically. we spent thousands of years apart, and i could not even kiss you properly.

-

hell does not give things away for free. you told me about how much you had to work to spend on day on (the remains of) earth, just so you could go looking for me.

but you knew i would be back here. you know me too well.

we only had a day in a millennium, sometimes less, or even none, when time acts up to punish us once again.

but still i wait. and you work, a thousand years completely at lucifer's bidding, for a chance at twenty four hours on this desolate planet with a mute angel.

sometimes i blame the father for making love so great.

-

i am here, and you have finally come. but you are late, or perhaps i was too early. another mistake to cost us another millennium.

we only had a few hours to lie together, humming forgotten songs, listening to the mimicry of a human heartbeat in each other's chest. every moment is better than the next.

but now micheal is here, with his absent wings, to take me back where they think i belong. there is no hostility between you two now; he glances at you with something akin to defeat, and perhaps pity. the same can be found in your gaze.

he takes my hand to hoist me up, whispering endearments into my hair ("my brother, my little gabriel") to comfort me, to keep me from looking back at you.

but i cannot help myself. i cry, every single time, but i never regret taking one last look at your face. i need the most i can get to last another lifetime without you.

my sobs are choked and silent, but your eyes only shine a little bit, reflecting a light that was no longer there.

-

He knows all, therefore He knows best. He tells us that this is what we were created for, why the beginning came forth in the first place. He says that we have won.

that is not true.

we all lost something that day.