You Should Be Apologizing, but I Will Anyways

Dear Amy,

"I don't know you,
But I think I hate you.
You're the reason for my misery.
Strange how you've become my biggest enemy,
And I've never even seen your face.
Maybe it's just jealousy mixing up
With a violent mind.
A circumstance that doesn't make much sense
But maybe I'm just dumb.
I'm a chump.""

I'm sorry that I don't know you and I can't stand you. The sad part is how you don't know me, but you do know you fucked me over badly and this is all your fault, yet I'm apologizing. Already I know if I saw you, I'd recognize you and punch you square in the face. It's just the fact that I know Chris and Dave were right. As much as I didn't want to believe it, Nick cheated on me with you. It hurt to believe it one month ago and it hurts to believe it now. The truth is though, Amy, I can see why he did it.

You're pretty, Amy. In your Facebook pictures, your eyes always sparkle blue, you always seem to be laughing, your hair is always perfect. You seem like a Barbie doll, where everything is perfect and all that matters is whose boyfriend you'll steal next.

Listen, Amy. You don't understand how much hurt and pain you've caused me since Memorial Day. The thing is, I honestly wouldn't have cared much if Nick could come right out and say it. Instead though, he needs to get his brother involved, who I also haven't met and know he now hates me too. Good, I'm not his biggest fan, either.

Since I'm writing this, I guess I could ask why you let him cheat. You seemed like such a nice girl, the way he talked about you and the way your friends talked about you (P.S, you might want to make your Facebook wall private). You knew him and I were dating. Don't deny it Amy, you knew. I guess I should have known something was up. In fact, I did know something was going on.

It was just the way he would smile, and look right into my eyes and say something cheesy yet still romantic, like "I love you, forever and always." Not that I believed it from the start, because hey, we were in sixth grade, he was only eleven years old. But I just wanted there to be some little part of truth in there. Just enough for me to be able to lean on when I wasn't strong enough. Enough to catch me when I fall.

Amy, you took that away from me. You took my boyfriend, my hope, my dreams, hell, you even took my pain with you. You took away the arguments between who was more adorable, you took away the long ass chain our love notes would go through to reach us, you took away the kisses, the hugs, the love, the support. But worst of all, you took my best friend. I'll never be able to lean on him when I'm not strong, and hell, we all need somebody to lean on.

I could tell him anything and everything, and goddamn it he'd listen. He came to every single one of my softball games, except for two, when his dad was in that car accident and he had to be there. I stalk his dad on Facebook, he was out of the hospital within two days. So why, Amy, was he there for a week? Spending time with you? Probably.

Nick was mad at me because "I was yelling at him since he had friends." You'll never understand why I wanted to punch him in the face, because you can tell when somebody is friends with someone, and more than friends with someone. And Nick, listen up. Jamie, Jon, Nino, Alex, and all the other "cool", "popular", "player", whatever you want to call them kids are not your friends. I was your friend.

I suppose this isn't entirely your fault, Nick could've stopped it too. But it's alright, because he's done with my life and I don't want anything to do with him either. I hope he doesn't bring you as much pain as he caused me.

Amy, believe what your friends tell you. All this crap was because I couldn't bring myself to believe Nick would do such a thing to anyone, let alone me. All this crap was also because you just liked Nick. I can see why...but did you really need to resort to cheating? There's a difference between saying "ily" to Nick as a friend, but then saying "Oh, I love you, don't leave me." That's more than friends right there. And the worst part was, he'd say it back. Looking back now, I feel like Teddy/Andrew did in Shutter Island. You know, where he couldn't believe he killed his wife so he created the alter ego? But I can't create someone else, all I can do is smile and hope Nick realizes what he's done, and how playing girls doesn't make him cool.

Sure, gazillions of people have asked me out since you stole Nick away. I said yes to one, because he was one of my best friends. Two days later, we were back to being friends. So suddenly, according to Nick, I'm a whore? Mhm. He should get a dictionary, and you should have a little talk with the kid that walks around in this town saying "What the fuck? I'm not her boyfriend!" But three hours away, at Daddy's house, you get "Sorry Olivia, I love you but I love Amy more and she's all I ever wanted."

Bipolar much? Anyways Amy, I guess what I want you to decode this letter as is an apology, for hating you when I don't know you, and yet at the same time a warning. Watch out for Nick, because "he's only gonna break break your, break break your heart." I hope you know what you're getting into. Good luck, and if you ever want to beat his face in, I'll help you. But then we're back to enemies.

I hope I never have to deal with you,

Jenna