I Hate Myself Without You

Being on tour again really made all the guys pumped every night. It made for a great time travelling, even though the driving was boring and long. Driving to Toronto had to be one of the most nerve wracking times for me. I wasn't nervous about doing any of the shows, but I had been talking to Airin before Marianas Trench had left.

I had noticed Josline had been a little skeptic around me the couple of weeks before we had left. She was very careful with what she said, something she never did. Josline always said what came to mind even if it were completely random. She was also thinking a lot more than what she normally did. She was definitely reminding me of her mom; Chloe always did a lot of thinking, not a lot of talking. The only bad thing about Josline taking a page out of her moms behavioural handbook was that I didn't know what she was thinking.

Airin said she was on edge because of what happened when we got back from Salmo. Airin was usually right when it came to Josline, so I trusted him. I asked him what I should do, because I was just confused.

“Just do what you feel is right,” Airin told me.

“I don't know what I feel right now. I know I want to marry her, but how do I got about asking?” I said.

“I hear “will you marry me?” is popular these days,” Airin said. I rolled my eyes at him.

“But I don't know how to be romantic. That's like my kryptonite.”

“I'm not romantic either! But I still managed to propose to Marque with less freaking out than you,” Airin said.

“Well, how did you propose to Marque?” I asked him.

“I hid the ring on a breakfast tray and told him that PB and J analogy. You know, the one where you can't take peanut butter away from jam?” I shook my head. “I never told you that? Huh...I thought I did. That might have been Matt,” Airin shrugged.

“You're not helping me here,” I ran a hand through my hair. Airin leaned forward a little in his chair.

“Josline always had this image in her head that she would be proposed to in a romantic, and a little unexpected, way. The only option I can remember is at a concert,” Airin explained to me.

“At a concert...” I thought for a few seconds. “Thanks Airin, that really helped me,” I said, getting up from the little couch they had.

“Well, are you going to tell me what you decided?” Airin asked. I opened the door an looked back at him.

“No.”

“Ah, damn it! Ellaries made it to Toronto before us,” Matt said from passengers seat. “Josline's twitter says 'Hello Toronto Airport! Nice to see you again.'” Matt mimicked Josline's voice by going high-pitched and nasally.

“You do know that's from yesterday, right?” I said.

“It is?” Matt looked down at his phone again. “Never mind, I know nothing.” I smiled at him. I started to twiddle my thumbs. I had an idea that I needed to clear with everyone before I actually went through with it.

“Hey, Mike, can you just pull over for a second?” I asked him.

“There was a gas station 10 minutes back. I told you get out then, but did you listen to me?”

“That's not why I want you to pull over! I just don't want you to kill us all by driving into the ditch,” I said.

“You're doubting my driving skills now?” Mike asked. I pressed my hand against my forehead.

“Okay, never mind, just keep driving and kill us,” I said. “Anyways, I have to ask you all something.”

“I'm not sure I like the sound of this,” Ian piped up.

“What is it Josh?” Matt turned his head to look at me. I hadn't told any of them about my plans wanting to marry Josline.

“Well, I wanted to...ask Josline to marry me.” There was a chorus of confused “what's” and Mike swerving slightly. “Mike! Didn't I tell you to pull over?”

“Are you serious about that? Matt asked.

“Pretty serious. I mean, I have a ring...” I replied.

“So...you're breaking the pact?” Matt now looked horrified.

“Yes, I'm breaking the no girls for life pact,” I laughed.

“I'm unsure of this new Josh. I hate him, but I love him at the same time,” Matt leaned back against his chair.

“Well, when did you want to propose to her?” Mike asked.

“I was thinking tonight.”

“When? Before the show? After the show?” Ian questioned.

“...during?” I waited for the responses. They were all so quiet.

“Sounds like a plan,” Ian said.

“Go ahead,” Mike said. I looked back at Brett, who just nodded at me.

“Matt? What about you?” I asked.

“I should warn you, there will be many broken teenage hearts tonight.” Matt said, He looked back at me and smiled. “And one very happy Josline.”