I Hate Myself Without You

I was running around all afternoon, and night, before the show. I was helping all over the place. Josh bombarded me with questions for a good hour (I didn't pay much mind to them), I helped take tickets until The Mission District went on stage. I then had to get back stage to help Brett bring something in from outside. I barely had a minute to sit down for 4 hours. When I finally wasn't needed, I collapsed into a chair backstage minutes before TMD got off stage. When they did, the all walked past me, Rob stopping for a few minutes. “Tired?” He questioned.

“I've been running around for 4 hours.” I said.

“I've been on stage for an half an hour,” Rob countered.

“You don't have to run after a four year old, and the mentality of a 4 year old, all day, now do you Rousseau?” I smirked.

“Point taken.” Rob smiled. “Is this mentality of a four year old Josh?”

“No, Airin.” I said. “Josh is more like a three year old.”

“Hey now, there's no need for that,” Josh said walking up next to Rob. “Now is there Rob?”

“Nope, not at all,” Rob smiled and I rolled my eyes at the two of them. Rob went to clean up before going out to sign autographs.

“You look really worn out.” Josh stated. I nodded.

“This is the first time I've sat down since the radio interview,” I threw my arms up in the air dramatically. Josh chuckled.

“You haven't had anything to eat have you?” He asked, kneeling down next to me. I held my hands out, and sure enough, they were shaking. My hands usually shook when I was running low on iron. I had an iron deficiency, so I had to eat, or even snack, or risk passing out.

“Apparently not,” I said. Josh stood up straight.

“Come on, we'll go steal Matt's Frito's.” Josh smiled.

“But, those are HIS chips!” I said. Josh shrugged and pulled me up by the hands.

“He'll never know if we sneak.” Josh said. I smiled and Josh placed his arm around my shoulders. “We haven't really talked much today, have we?” he asked.

“Nope. I've been running around trying to get everything ready for you,” I poked Josh in the side, he made a weird noise like what Finley would make when he was a baby. I looked at him strangely. “Wow, Finley really is your son.”

“I've trained him well,” Josh joked.

“Oh God. Do I have to endure Josh 2.0 in the teen years?” I whined. “I wasn't looking forwards to the teen years anyways!” Josh put on a mock-hurt face.

“I was not THAT bad in my teen years,” He said. I cocked my eyebrow at him. “Okay, besides the addiction, I was an okay kid!”

“Just okay?” I said.

“Okay, I was a fantastic kid.” Josh smiled. “Except, not.”

“Well, you might not of been a fantastic kid, but you're a great boyfriend.” I said, wrapping my arms around Josh. He kissed the top of my head, which always made me feel even smaller than what I was.

“And you, my dear, are a wonderful girlfriend, and a superhero mom.” Josh said looking down at me. “And one day, you'll make a fine wife.”

It was that one comment that kept me hanging on.

I went out and visited Marque and Zack when The New Cities were on stage. They said they had probably signed more autographs then sold shirts. I could tell Zack definitely liked the attention; he liked to be the centre of attention most of the time. The rest of the band didn't mind. When Brett needed me again, he linked his arm through one of mine and drug me backstage. I didn't mind Brett. I actually considered him a good friend.

Brett told me what to do when it came time to switch up the guitars or when to bring out the keyboard. I was liking hanging out with Brett; he provided entertainment for me.

“What's it like getting to hear them every night?” I asked Brett. He looked from me to the guys on stage.

“Honestly, get's kind of annoying after a while. I mean, hearing the same songs every night for 2 months can get a little tiring,” he said. “But you have to live with the guy,” Brett motioned to Josh. “What's that like?”

“Hearing the same voice every night for 4 years get's a little tiring.” I joked. “No, it's really not that bad. He's great company. There have been a few times where we've been at each others throats, but everything is good.” I said, slightly nodding my head along to Celebrity Status.

“How is he with your son?”

“Finley? Oh, Josh is a great dad, surprisingly.” Brett raised an eyebrow at me. I became flustered. “I just mean, back in high school, he never seemed the fatherly type.” Brett nodded.

“What did he seem like?” Brett enquired.

“Like a loud party guy who didn't give a shit about what people thought about him.” I stated matter-of-factually. “But that was only my first impression of him.”

“What's your impression now?” Before I could answer, the loud, deafening cheer of the crowd sounded. Josh was starting to talk about something, and my ears perked up only when I heard my name. I looked over at Brett and he pushed me forwards, onto the stage. I stood there stunned for a few seconds.

“Hello...” I said. Josh waved me over and I gingerly walked out onto the stage, walking towards Josh. I looked in between all the band members, utterly clueless as to what was going on. I got up to Josh and he put his arm around my shoulder.

“You all remember Josline right?” Josh asked the crowd. They all cheered. I looked up at Josh.

“What are you doing?” My voice sounded slightly out of the microphone.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing, and talk to you,” Josh said. He was confusing, and slightly worrying me.

“But you're in the middle of a show!” I exclaimed. Josh turned the microphone slightly.

“If I don't do this now, I will never have the balls to do it any time else!” Josh said. He turned the mic back to himself. “How long have we known each other?” Josh asked.

“I don't know...since grade 11?” I said, still confused.

“Since grade 11!” Josh repeated. “And how long have we been dating?”

“5 years?”

“5 years!” I pressed my hand against my forehead.

“What are you getting at Ramsay?” Josh turned towards me. He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled something out of it. He then shocked me by kneeling down in front of me. Many gasps, cheers, sounded through out the room.

“Would you like to be Mrs Ramsay?” I clasped my hand over my mouth. I was honestly speechless. The crowd started to chant “say yes”.

The first thing out of my mouth was, “You are serious this time, right?” Josh laughed slightly and smiled.

“Couldn't be more serious if I tried,” Josh said. “So, you going to be Mrs Ramsay?”

I couldn't seem to say yes. I only rapidly nodded my head. Josh stood up and took my hand, sliding the ring onto my finger. It was a little big, but I didn't care.

It was perfect anyways.