All They Know Is Misery

Hey Honey, how've you been? When you have the time, can you pack some of your brother's things? We’re gonna sell them. Okay, bye!

I stared at my phone with horror. I couldn't believe my mother would be doing such a thing. I pressed #7 to erase the awful message.

My mom expected me to pack up my brothers things, from his room, which I haven't been in since the date he died, so she could sell them? I couldn't believe her. I won't let her.

My phone scared me when it vibrated in my hand.

Don't forget, you promised me we'd meet at the park today.

It was from Matt. I was meeting him at 4. It was 3:30. Shit.

I went upstairs. I stared at my brother’s bedroom door. I wonder what happened in there after they took his body away. Was there still blood on the floor? Were all his things left untouched? I tore my eyes away from the door and walked to my own room.

I got changed into a random pair of jeans and t-shirt. I grabbed a hoodie on my way out and turned to the park. I walked through the woods than came to the path which I followed to the park.

I noticed Matt sitting on the bench near the swings; he was listening to his iPod. It would have been a good time to scare him, but why bother? So I silently sat next to him and waited for him to notice me. I stared out at the swings for about five minutes until I heard, “Jesus Christ, Pheobe!” I turned towards him and gave him a small wave. “You scared me; when the fuck did you get here?” I shrugged.

We fell silent. He wrapped his headphones around his iPod and slipped it into his pocket. “Where’s Johnny? The little guy usually never lets you out of his sight.”

Truth was, I told Johnny I had to help Charlie with some girl things so I could come here. Maybe this is the start I need to slowly loose Johnny… “Wanna know something, Matt?” I asked him, ignoring his question. He nodded with a curious glint in his hazel eyes. “You would think I needed space, right? Well I just want to be alone. I don’t want to drag anyone with me.”

Matt looked even more confused. “Drag anyone where?” I stared at him and I knew my eyes held the sadness I hid from most everyone. “What happened to you, Bee?” Matt asked in desperation as to try and figure me out.

I was done hiding things; I needed to get it out. So gave him what we came here for, knowledge about me and my life. I explained everything to Matt. To my parents working habits, to the suicide, and to the most recent text message from my mother. By the end of everything I was crying and sobbing. Matt pulled me into his muscular chest and held me there.

“Bee?” Matt said, “I am so sorry.”