The Kissing Thief.

Valerie and I had begun watching movies that we could make fun of, but my patience betrayed me. I spilled the beans on everything that had happened today while she was at work, and I’m thinking now, that was one of the worst things I could have done.

“I just gave you a new reason to hate your mother, haven’t I?” I said mournfully. “It’s not like they were doing it just to spite you or I.” Valerie hunted through her things up in her bedroom, peeking her face out from behind a sliding door every once and a while.

“I know, but it still ticks me off. Ah-ha! Found it. Here, heads-up.” From at the top of her stairs, Val threw a rusted tin can with barely any label left on it. On the bottom of the can, I found a piece of masking tape with the word “Itching” written on it. I raised an eyebrow at my friend.

“Dare I ask what this is?” I shook the can, but it was snatched from my grasp. Val took my hand, and bolted for the elevator. “Please tell me it wont hurt the baby…” I said sternly.

“No, you imbecile. It’s itching powder. A little bit of this in all of her panties and shorts, and she’ll have a rash so bad Aaron wont even want to look at her, never mind touch her. It’s perfect for two reasons.”

“Which are?”

“One, revenge. Duh. Two, it might be enough to break Aaron and Sammy up.”

I didn’t dare to question Val farther as we snuck in to the south wing, where we would find a drawer in Sam’s room filled with all of her unmentionables.

***

“I wonder where they went…” Val whispered as we snuck around inside the very modern-looking south wing. I clutched Val’s hand every step we took, wincing at every creak and jumping at every sound.

The rooms were set up neatly. The living room, bathroom, kitchen and bedrooms were really neat and tidy. “I wonder who cleans…” I whispered.

“They hire somebody to do it three times a week. Sam hates it when the house gets dirty, but she never does it herself.” Val answered, leading me to a large master bedroom, complete with a queen-sized bed loaded with designer pillows and blankets. I made a gagging noise as I looked at all of the different things in the room. Every piece of art was so tasteless. I could have done it for five cents. Once piece was titled, “Water on Paper”, and the next was another “Water on Paper” piece. It looked like nothing. I scoffed and continued to follow Val around the room.

“Jackpot.” She said loudly. I slapped a hand over her mouth to quiet her and to listen for a few seconds, to make sure the coast was clear. We broke away from one another to begin the ultimate search. It wasn’t hard to find her underwear drawer though. Val opened it, and began sprinkling the powder all over Sam’s panties. In order to cover up our tracks, we brought in baby powder from the nursery, and began applying the baby powder to ourselves. Val and I made sure to make a huge mess with the baby powder, and we even had some in the drawer, so it wouldn’t look suspicious.

I ran in to the elevator, followed by a very pleased Valerie Rose Wood, and watched the surroundings go from polished, to grimy brick walls.

***

I felt accomplished. I knew what I did was really terrible, but I also felt good about it. When I got up to my bedroom, I found a stack of boxes that were flattened, and taped together. On the top was a small note, written on one of my Johnny Depp Post-its.

Dear Joon,
It really sucks you’re leaving. You’ll have to tell me where you will be living, so we can hang out sometime. Best of luck.

~Aaron.
P.S. If I could, I’d steal one more kiss from you.

I giggled at the note, my heart pounding ninety miles a minute. I grabbed the boxes, kissed Val’s cheek quickly, and bade her farewell as I went back to my parent’s house to pack.