If We Were Human

I felt like such a wretched person. Everyone was perfectly happy. It was beautiful and wonderful because Sarah was here, and she was beautiful and perfect and just absolutely adorable, and Leah was fine and Jake was happier than I had seen him in a long time, but I couldn't help but feel jealousy underneath my happiness for them. I watched them with a smile on my face and envy in my eyes. They were the perfect family; they had everything and I couldn't force myself to stick around any longer. I excused myself, making something up about my dad wanting me home early. I left the house, walking instead of phasing. It was a usual dreary, almost-raining day here in Forks, portraying my feelings perfectly. I walked through the woods, towards the boundary line. There was someone I had to talk to.

I could feel it as soon as I had passed over the boundary line. Even though the treaty was pretty much considered null and void since the two packs and the Cullens got along perfectly well, the boundary line was still intact. I continued to walk until I found myself near a street. I checked both ways before crossing the street, because having to see Carlisle about broken bones was the last thing I needed. I walked up the long driveway, knocking on the door hesitantly.

"Ruby? What are you doing here? Jasper's hunting with Emmett, Alice, Edward and Bella." Esme asked, confusion written on her motherly face. I nodded, smiling sheepishly.

"I know. I, uh, came to talk to Rosalie, actually." Esme was obviously shocked by my words, and I didn't blame her. While Rosalie and I had been on better terms than Rosalie and Bella were when they first met, we didn't talk very much. She was always with Emmett and I was always with Jasper. In spite of that, Esme let me in, telling me Rosalie was up in her room. I thanked her quietly and walked up the stairs softly.

I knocked on the closed door, and opened it when I heard Rosalie's musical voice call out, "Come in." I stepped into her room, staying close to the door.

"Esme, I told you I would-" She stopped mid-sentence when she turned around and saw me. "Oh. Hello, Ruby. Jasper's out hunting." She said, turning back around to face her vanity.

"I know. I came to talk to you, actually." I said quietly. Through the mirror I could see her eyebrows raise slightly, the only indication she was surprised. She nodded and I stepped into the room further, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"Why are you here for me?" She asked, looking at me through the mirror. I realized I hadn't really thought this through all the way. All I had known was that I wanted to tell someone, anyone, about how I was feeling, and that Rosalie was the only one who could really relate. I hesitated, trying to think of how to start.

"You're here because of the baby, aren't you?" She said, turning around to face me with an understanding look on her face. I just nodded, not really surprised that she had caught on that fast. Rosalie was much more perceptive than people gave her credit for.

"Yeah. I just didn't want to make Leah or Jasper feel bad about it, you know? But I just had t-"

"Talk to someone who understood you, I get it. Well, I can't say that I completely understand you on the reason why you'll never have kids, but I do understand you on the feeling of knowing you can't. I used to want a family, you know, a big one, with lots of kids and grandkids." She said, smiling softly. "I always daydream about what it would be like if Emmett and I were human, sitting next to each other with white and gray hair, watching our grandkids run around on the yard in front of us. But we won't ever have that because we're frozen in time. I don't know much about werewolves, because to be quite honest I have never really liked them before, but I know the reasoning behind Jasper's logic."

"He thinks the baby would die before it had a chance." I said quietly, looking down at my hands. I knew he was right and there was no way around it, but that didn't change the fact that I often dreamed about a baby that looked just like him that belonged to us. Rosalie nodded.

"And you can't exactly adopt a child either, because it would be kind of hard to explain why they got older and you and Jasper didn't." She added. "I've thought about that plenty of times."

"Does it ever go away? The longing for a family?" I asked softly, biting the inside of my lower lip. Rosalie smiled sadly, shaking her head.

"Not for me, it hasn't. I don't know if it ever will, either. I'm sorry, Ruby." She said gently, getting up and sitting next to me on the bed. "I wouldn't have wished this on anyone." I looked up at her.

"Thanks." I said quietly, feeling the tears start to sting in my eyes. "For listening, and stuff." She hesitated, before turning and hugging me gently.

"You're welcome. If you ever need to talk about this, or anything really, you can always stop by." She said, pulling away and moving back to her vanity.

"Thanks, Rosalie." She smiled, looking at me through the mirror.

"You're welcome, Ruby." I stood up and left her room, moving back down the stairs. After saying goodbye to Esme, I left the Cullen house. Although nothing had changed, I felt better after talking to Rosalie. The jealousy had eased slightly, and I felt calmer. I started walking down the driveway when I felt that familiar tug. I turned and smiled slightly at Jasper, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding him close.

"You've been crying," He said, looking down at me. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." I said, smiling to reassure him. "Everything is perfectly fine.” I said, resting my head against his chest. He kissed the top of my head, offering to walk me home. We walked in silence; hands laced together, each of our thoughts in different places. I looked up at him and studied his face, wondering how different things might have been if we were human.