And All the Electric Stars Are Shining

The late July sun drifted lazily through the large windows of Mike Pritchard’s living room. The day already winding down, children wrapping up their games and bringing their toys back inside. The end to a perfectly good day.

The start to a very hard night for the man inside. He’d gone through many scenarios of it over and over his head for years. Each bad one more dreadful than the next. The thoughts preventing him from carrying out what he wanted to say in the first place for years. Fear always just holding him back.

He sighed and sat on his couch, staring vacantly at a blank television screen, trying to convince himself that this was right, this is what needs to be done and this will not ruin so many people’s lives.

He was so swept up in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the car pull up in his driveway, nor the clomping of her heels along his wooden deck, it even took a few moments for his troubled mind to register the soft tapping at his door.

Well, here goes nothing, he thought as he sighed again and got up, walking slowly towards the door and trying to change his look from one of anxiety to one of pleasant surprise.

He opened his heavy door to reveal his girlfriend of the last four and a half years, Brittney Cade, sporting another one of her mostly fake smiles. Mike concluded that she herself was fake, turned plastic from living most her life in Los Angeles. Even the change of scenery did little to change her personality.

He smiled weakly at her. “Oh, hey, Britt.”

“Hi,” she said in her usual faux happy tone as she hugged and kissed him softly seeing nothing strange in his slow reaction or slightly shaky tone.

He kissed back, much to his surprise and a bit dismay. Why am I kissing her? I’m about to leave her.

He stepped back and opened the door wider, allowing her entrance.

“How ya doing?” he asked, hoping he sounded somewhat normal.

“Oh, I’m fine,” she said, walking in and placing her purse on the coffee table, taking a seat on the couch Mike recently occupied. “Just finished up work and came to see you.”

Mike nodded weakly, closing his door and following her, taking the seat beside her.

“Oh, cool. I um, haven’t done much today,” he began drumming his fingers on his thigh, hoping he didn’t sound as awkward as he felt at this particular moment.

“What? The restaurant’s been slow or something?” asked Brittney, placing a hand on his thigh to stop his drumming. “You okay?” she asked again, sounding a bit worried.

“Huh?” he looked at her, thoughts clouding his mind again. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” he nodded weakly and looked away, too nervous to look her in the eye just yet.

Brittney bit her lip, now truly worried about him, “Mike, no you aren’t. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong Brittney, okay?” he stated harshly, growing annoyed with her quickly and started for the kitchen. Cool down, Mike. Don’t blow up. She didn’t do anything wrong. Damn.

Brittney tensed up, a bit startled at his sudden outburst. She definitely knew something was wrong, he never gets like this. She got up and walked tentatively towards the kitchen.

“Mike, please. You know you can tell me anything.”

Mike felt another stab of guilt about his decision to leave her but he pushed back those thoughts knowing in the end he has to, needs to. He turned his head and glanced out of the kitchen window, watching the sun starting to set across the Bay.

“I…I’m fine.” Damn, just do it Mike. Get it over with.

Brittney sat at the bar and clutched her purse tightly.

“Just tell me. Get it off your chest, whatever it is. You'll feel a lot better if you do instead of locking it inside.”

Mike bit his lip tightly, still gazing out of the window, not wanting to see her reaction.

“Brittney. I..I think we should break up.”

“Wh-what? Why?” Brittney asked, her eyes a bit wide.

“Just…I don’t think this is working out right now, okay?” said Mike quietly, shutting his eyes tight.

“What’s not working out? I…is it something I did? I can try to…I.”

“No, Brittney, it’s not you. You…you didn’t do anything wrong,” Mike kept his gaze locked outside of the window, feeling too guilty to look at her.

He really didn’t want to hurt anyone. He never did. Right now, it just has to be done and he knows it no matter how guilty he feels or how upset Brittney looks. He can’t keep lying to himself and he’s still trying to convince his own self that it’s better off this way.

“Then what is it Mike? Why now? Th-this is so sudden.”

“B-Brittney, I…” he looked at her sincerely. “I’m sorry. Just, I can’t talk about it now, okay? I just have some things I need to sort out.”

She looked at him thoroughly confused. “How could you? We’ve been together for four years, Mike.”

Mike glanced down, feeling more guilt seep in. “I know. I just…I need to be alone right now. It’s really complicated.”

Brittney felt her anger flare up. “What’s so fucking complicated, Mike? Is there someone else? A-Are you cheating on me?”

Mike took a deep breath and looked back at her.

“I’m not cheating on you, Brittney.”

“Then what’s so complicated about it?”

“Just…things, okay? I wouldn’t expect you to get it. And I really don’t wanna talk about it.”

Brittney shot up and walked quickly towards the door.

“Fuck you, Mike,” she opened the door. “I’ll come and get my stuff later,” she held back tears and slammed the door.

Mike shut his eyes tight at the sound of the door slamming and plopped on the sofa, hearing Brittney’s car pull off quickly down the block. He cradled his head in his hands and sighed. And that was the easy part.

Mike sat for a moment and composed himself before calling the other half of the equation.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Billie. What’s up?” Mike asked, hoping he sounded normal.

“Hey, man. Nothing much. Just skimming through the channels and realizing that television is pointless. And you?”

“I, uh. Dude, I…I broke up with Brittney today.”

Silence.

“What? Why? What happened?” Billie asked, a bit shocked.

“Nothing. I just felt like I needed to be away from her, you know?”

“So you broke up with her? Are you sure that’s all that happened?”

“Yeah, that’s it. I uh, I kinda feel like shit right now. She was really upset.”

“Well man, after you get dumped you don’t feel all smiles, I should know.”

“I know, just…Billie? I kinda wanna talk to you right now. Can you come over?”

“Sure, man. Just let me go tell Adie. I’ll be by soon, okay?”

Mike cringed at the thought of Adie, feeling like the worst person in the world for what he was about to do.

“Okay. See ya, Bill.”

“Alright, bye man.”

Mike hung up quickly and leant back into the sofa, shutting his eyes tightly trying to think of what he was going to tell him. Oh shit.