And All the Electric Stars Are Shining

Chapter 3: I’ve Been Waiting For This Moment All My Life, But It’s Not Quite Right.

Billie Joe pulled up in front of his oldest friend’s house twenty minutes later. He didn’t get out just yet and simply stared at the modern made house. Why would he leave Brittney so damn sudden? Well, she was a little crazy but Mike’s just not the person to dump someone. What happened? What the hell is going through his head right now?

Billie sighed and killed the engine, pocketing his keys and walking quickly up the steps before knocking on the door.

Mike rose from his spot on the couch and bit back most of his nervous feelings before opening the door and hugging the smaller man.

“Hey, man.”

Billie hugged back tightly. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I…I’m fine,” he pulled back from the hug and ran a hand through his hair. “Just…it’s kinda rough, you know?”

Billie nodded. “So what’s on your mind? And so help me if you say nothing.”

Mike smiled weakly and sat back on the couch. That’s Billie, caring and blunt when need be. He tried to plan out what he was going to say but as usual, it never went according to plan.

“Well, I…” Say it. It’ll be easier if you say it now. Just do it. “I’m just feeling kinda bad for letting her go.” Aw, fuck. What was that? Just tell him and get it over with. “Not like I wanna get back with her or anything. Just…” he sighed, knowing this wouldn’t be as easy as it was in his head.

Billie followed him and sat beside him on the sofa.

“Well, then why did you in the first place? Sure she gets on your nerves but she wasn’t bad.”

“I know. I just needed some space from her right now.”

“So are you going to get back with her?”

Mike shook his head. “No, I don’t think I will. I never really loved her anyway,” he looked away at his wall, not wanting to look into Billie’s eyes right now, just wishing all this awkwardness to end.

Billie’s eyebrows furrowed in thought as he glanced at Mike. What is going on?

“You never…Then why were you with her in the first place? Or for so damn long for that matter?”

Mike shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Sometimes all he wanted was to look at those eyes but moments like these are different. Very different.

“Because…” Say it. Say it now. “Because the whole time there was someone else who I was too afraid to tell. I was…I was hiding it.”

Billie softened his questioning gaze a bit and reached an arm out to grip his shoulder encouragingly. “Well, why didn’t you tell them?”

“Because we’ve been friends for a long time. I…I didn’t want them to hate me,” he looked away again.

“Okay. Well, who is she? I’m sure she wouldn’t hate you. Nobody can hate ya, Mike.”

Mike attempted to speak a bit but resulted in nothing more then a pretty accurate interpretation of a fish out of water. He took a breath and spoke almost inaudibly. “It’s…It’s not a she.”

“What? Oh…oh. I uh, I didn’t know you were like that, Mike. That’s cool. So, who is he? Do I know him?”

Mike nodded a bit, still too nervous to look him in the eye. “You…you know him.”

“Well, are you going to tell me? Or him?”

“I…I planned on telling him today.”

“So that’s why you dumped Brittney?”

Mike nodded again. “Yeah. It would be like cheating on her and I can’t do that.”

“Yeah. So you want me to go so you can tell him or what?”

Oh the irony. “I…I think I need you to stay. So I can tell him.”

“Okay. I guess I’d be nervous too, yeah.”

“No, Billie…You don’t understand. It’s…” he looked up at him. “It’s you.”

Billie felt his entire body freeze up. Did Mike actually just say that or has his mind completely gone to shit? “Wh-what?”

“It-it’s you. I lo…” he looked at Billie’s face, completely in shock and felt like the biggest dumbass on the planet. “I-I’m sorry, I just ruined it. I’m sorry,” Mike stood up and walked to the stairs, muttering to himself. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he blinked away a tear knowing that he ruined it and Billie probably hates him now.

Billie’s jaw became unhinged a bit. He was still frozen in the same place in complete shock. Mike liked him? Mike actually liked him? Billie? He snapped out of his daze enough to see Mike walking up the stairs. He followed after him pretty quickly and reached an arm out to stop him.

“Wait, Mike. I…” he could barely think straight enough to say what he needed to.

Mike stopped, feeling Billie’s hand grasp his shirt. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, trying to calm himself down and thinking that that might be the last time he’d feel Billie.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I fucking ruined it.”

“Mike, no you didn’t. I- For so lo- I…”

Mike looked back at Billie, confused about why he was stuttering. “Billie, what?”

Billie bit his lip, trying to say what he wanted to, what he wanted to say almost as soon as they met. He couldn’t say it but he managed to whisper. “I-I love you.”

Mike blinked a few times in complete shock at what he was pretty sure he heard the smaller man say. He stepped down to be on the same step as him. “Y-you sure? Really?”

“Y-yeah. Since…since, oh fuck, since I can remember.”

Mike’s mouth fell open a bit. Well, that was not what he expected at all. He could barely believe it. He just hoped he wasn’t dreaming again. He attempted to speak again but came up with nothing. He ran a hand through his hair trying to grasp on what just happened.

“Holy fuck.”

Billie nodded weakly and moved forward, hugging Mike softly. “Oh my god. Oh fuck…” he could barely believe that he actually said it, let alone Mike liked him too.

Mike hugged back, internally rejoicing in the fact that Billie really loved him back.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to tell you that.”

Billie buried his face in Mike’s neck, relishing the feeling of being so close to him. He breathed in his scent deeply, trying to memorize it exactly. He’s always been a man of words yet the one moment when he could say anything and everything he should he found himself speechless and simply nodded, burying deeper into the taller man’s neck.

Mike hugged back tighter, breathing in Billie’s fruity shampoo.

“I…I love you, Billie. I love you so much,” he thought that may have been too much but his need to say it aloud after thinking it for years won.

“I love you too,” Billie moved his arm up and caught glint of his wedding band and quickly brought his hand back down. “Oh fuck… Mike, wh-what am I going to do?”

Oh shit. Fuck, how could I do this to him. I put him right in the middle. “Just...do you whatever will make you happy.”

Billie felt a few tears fall down his face and clung tighter to the man, trying to compose himself. “I-I don’t know. I love you so much and I’ve wanted you since I could even think of things like that but Adie’s,“ he sighed deeply. “Adie’s my wife.”

Mike ran a soothing hand up and down Billie’s back, feeling horrible for making him make such a decision but bit back those feelings to try and console him.

“I…I know, Billie. Just…whatever you choose, I’ll be here okay?” Mike hugged him tighter. “I’ll always be right here.”

“I…I want you so bad. I always have,” Billie sniffed.

“I’ve always wanted you too, Billie.”

“Then I-I have to do it. I-I love her but…I-I just can’t not be with you,” Billie choked out the last part, shaking a bit. It was hard to say, no matter how much he loved Mike, he loved Adrienne too.

“Billie. A-are you sure? If you need time to think about it I’d understand.”

“No, I’m sure. More than sure. Just…it’ll be hard.”

“I know it will. I…I’m sorry for making you have to go through that. I know you love her.”

“Don’t apologize, Mike. Please, just…” Billie hugged him tighter.

Mike closed his eyes and managed to push back the lingering feelings of guilt, resting his head in the crook of Billie’s neck.

“Okay, I won’t. Just..” he sighed deeply and hugged Billie tighter. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”

Billie tilted his head a bit and rested his on Mike’s. He never felt so complete or wanted or needed as much has he did now. After all these years of waiting and wishing that something like this could happen it finally did. He was so happy, you could tell by just how light his eyes had gotten. He was also scared, scared out of his mind.

“Mike. I-I love you so much. I-I’m scared.”

“I love you too, Billie. And I’m here, whatever happens,” he kissed his shoulder softly and stood back up, looking into his eyes. “Whatever happens.”

Mike stayed a moment in that same position, to convince himself it was the right thing to do and to stare into those eyes a bit longer. He leant in a little wanting nothing more than to kiss those full lips he’d fantasized about since he was younger but stopped and opened his eyes as if to ask permission. He didn’t need to scare Billie more.

If Billie was looking at himself then he might have laughed. The man went through enough trouble to leave Brittney, stutter out what he was trying to say and Billie loved him back and he still asks permission because he’s just that kind of guy. But Billie didn’t laugh, he simply closed his eyes, bringing his arms up from around Mike’s torso to the back of his neck, and crushed their lips together to share the single greatest kiss either ever had.

Mike made a sound of surprise before pulling Billie into him more and deepening the kiss. Who knew Billie tasted this good? His tongue moved at it’s own accord and explored the caverns of Billie’s mouth as Mike held him close and could barely even think straight about how incredibly well the night had gone.

Billie crushed himself against Mike and kissed back deeply, moaning softly into the kiss. Mike felt that moan shoot straight through him. It was the most amazing thing he’d ever heard and he knew he wanted to hear it as soon as possible.

Mike took a breath before kissing him again deeply, resting his hands on his waist and pulling him closer. Billie pulled back a little, gasping for air and opened his eyes. He felt tingles from that kiss.

“Wow,” he licked his lips. “That was….wow.”

“I…oh fuck,” Billie breathed out, resting his forehead on the man’s shoulder. His head was spinning so fast he barely noticed a few minutes had gone by.

“You…you really want me?” Billie managed to whisper. He was still in shock at that. He’d always been in love with Mike. Ever since he met him that day in the cafeteria. He seemed so unattainable, so superior, so much better than Billie. How could someone like him possibly even like Billie in that way?

Mike pecked his shoulder again and pulled back a little, still holding him close with one arm, using his other hand to wipe away pieces of hair obscuring Billie’s bright eyes. He smiled and whispered back, “More than anything.”

Billie shut his eyes tight and moved back into the hug, burying his face in Mike’s shoulder. He still couldn’t believe he was able to be so close to him, let alone have him actually love him. Billie associated the feeling he felt now to flying. Every part of him was just so happy he could barely stand it. He felt better then he felt on his wedding day.

“I don’t wanna leave,” Billie murmured, face still buried in Mike’s shoulder.

Mike rubbed a soothing hand up and down Billie’s back. He was shaking. “I don’t wanna let you go, Bill.”

Billie lifted his head up, thankful that some of his hair still covered his face like a shield. “D’ya think..” he bit his lip to help stop it from trembling. “Should I call and ask if I could spend the night?” He knew he’d feel guilty, probably as guilty as he ever felt in his life, but he couldn’t even fathom leaving Mike right now.

“If you want to…I mean, I’d like to have you here.”

“I um…” Billie looked down, more of his hair falling down. “I don’t wanna leave right now,” he whispered.

“Then don’t. Just…just stay with me.”

Billie nodded. “Alright. I um….I gotta call her,” he broke away from the hug regretfully. Already missing that unfamiliar warmth.

Mike nodded as well and resorted to holding the smaller man’s hand reassuringly while he called his wife.

“Hello?” asked Adrienne, Billie’s wife of thirteen years.

“Hey. Um…remember when I told you I had to see Mike?” asked Billie in a shaky voice, hoping he didn’t sound too dishonest. He’d always been a horrible liar. “Well, he split with Brittney today. He’s not doing too well and I think it’d be best if I stayed with him tonight.”

“Why? What happened with Brittney?”

“I-I don’t know. He’s not doing very well at all. He just needs somebody here, y’know?”

“Oh. Well, alright. Tell him I hope he feels better,” answered Adie, genuinely concerned for her husband’s oldest friend.

“I will. See you tomorrow, Adie. Bye.”

“Alright. I love you.”

Billie but his lip, feeling even worse if that was at all possible. “L-love you too,” he whispered before hanging up.

Mike took a deep breath trying to calm himself. He hated making Billie go through all this but remembered what he said about not apologizing and decided against saying his thoughts aloud and pulled him into a comforting hug. “Thank you.”

Billie put away his phone and hugged him back tightly. “I-It’s okay. I’m doing this for myself too.”

Mike smiled softly, feeling a bit better. “I know,” he pulled away and kissed Billie again softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Billie murmured into the kiss before deepening it.

Mike moaned softly and kissed him deeper, placing his hands on Billie’s back and pulling him in more, needing to feel him closer. Billie moaned softly into Mike’s mouth, feeling shivers go up and down his spine.

Mike stopped after a moment, lips still touching Billie’s. “Y-you want to…want to go up to the bedroom? Not just standing here on the stairs. I-I don’t care what we do, as long as I’m with you…just.” Mike stopped his blabbering and kissed Billie again, hoping he could convey what he meant through another kiss.

Billie prayed he wasn’t blushing and grinning like an idiot when he pulled out of the kiss. “I-I’d like that.”

Mike started to lead him up the stairs, still kissing him. His left hand moving towards Billie’s hips. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” Billie managed to stutter out before Mike opened the bedroom door.