Bring It Back

“Don’t you dare run away from me, Jade,” Jonathan whispered as I looked at him with tears in my eyes. “Don’t you dare run just because you’re scared of this, of us.”

I sobbed as his voice cracked when he said us, and a tear rolled down his cheek as he uttered it. I sobbed seeing his face, full of hurt and of pain, but most of all, of heartbreak.

“I can’t help it,” I choked out, trying to catch my breath from crying so hard. “I just, can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” he urged. “You can help it. You don’t have to leave.”

I shook my head, tears streaming down my face.

“Please,” Jonathan begged me, his eyes on the brink of tears. “Please,” he begged again. “Think before you leave.”

“I-I,” I stuttered, at a loss for words. I couldn’t handle this. I don’t think I’m strong enough to risk getting hurt again.

“Please, Jade, I won’t hurt you,” Jonathan whispered. “Please don’t ignore what’s between us. Fate has been telling us along that we’re meant to be! Please, just give me a chance!”

I just shook my head no, grabbed my already packed luggage, and walked out the door.

I woke up with a jolt, the sweat on my arms and neck gleaming in the moonlight shining through the window. I put my head in my hands, taking deep breaths, trying to calm my furiously beating heart. A few tears escaped from my eyes, but I hastily wiped them away. I finally got up from my bed, and I moved to my window, and looked out on the city of Chicago.
It had been a year since I had been in Chicago, after I had left Jon standing there, walking out on him before our relationship progressed any further. I was scared of what would have happened if I had entered a relationship with him. I was scared, and I ran away. One of the biggest mistakes of my life. But I wouldn’t ever let anyone know that.

I sighed, consumed in my thoughts as I watched the nightlife of Chicago. I glanced back at the clock on my nightstand, and saw that it was three am. I sighed and looked back out the window. I had been having this same dream ever since I had moved back to Chicago about a week ago, and I’ve always been waking up at three am. Maybe it was a sign or something, but I just shook it off, wishing that I wouldn’t be bothered by this dream anymore.

I rubbed my eyes tiredly while yawning, and I shuffled back to my bed and laid down on it, snuggling up in my covers. I had to be at the bakery at six am, and if I didn’t get to sleep now, and get the three hours of sleep I needed before I had to wake up, I would be falling asleep. I closed my eyes, thinking about rainbows and unicorns to give me happy dreams, a trick I always used when I was little, willing my dreams to steer clear of a certain captain of a certain NHL hockey team.

I woke up three hours later to my alarm, and I groaned shutting it off. I wasn’t able to sleep much after I went back to bed, my thoughts too consumed of my dream about Jonathan, just like it has been for the past week. I unwillingly got out of bed, and headed to my bathroom to take a shower.

The shower helped me to clear my head and thoughts of Jonny, and the smell of my strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner helped to calm and wake me up. I got out of my shower feeling refreshed and relaxed, and I sighed in peace as I dried my hair and pulled my clothes on. I put minimal makeup on, only a little bit of foundation for any red spots and some mascara, and styled my bangs quickly before I exited the bathroom. I spritsed some strawberry scented body spray on, and then grabbed my purse and slipped on my shoes, and finally headed out the door.

I walked down the city streets of Chicago, taking in the air around me. I missed this city, and I regretted ever leaving once I breathed in the air again. Chicago was my home, and home is where the heart is. And my heart definitely belonged here, in Chicago. It doesn’t have to do anything with the fact that Jonathan Toews holds my heart, and always will, my subconscious told me. I shook my head of that thought and continued on with my walk down the street to the bakery that I had just bought, and was opening today.

I got out the key to my bakery, and unlocked the doors as I went inside. The door jingled and I looked up and smiled, seeing the bell on the door that would signal when a customer will come in. I looked by the entrance door and switched the light switches on, and the lights illuminated the cozy bakery once they turned on. I smiled as I looked at the countertops, which held the kitchen behind them, and looked into the empty counters, just imagining all the little goodies and treats that they were soon going to be filled with. I looked at the time on my phone, and saw that it was six fifteen, and I walked behind the counters and into the kitchen. I turned on the lights in there, and the kitchen instantly woke up, the lights shining brightly against the white of the kitchen. The door jingled and I heard voices as I walked back out of the kitchen.

“Hey, guys,” I said to a little over half of the crew that I had hired to work in my bakery.

“Hi,” Katie, one of the girls who would be helping me out in the kitchen, greeted me. The others nodded and smiled a warm welcome in agreement and I smiled back.

“Well, come on in,” I told them with a smile. “We need to liven this place up, and start baking so we can have some customers.” They all nodded in agreement as I started listing off tasks for people to do. “Adam, Chris, and Casey, can you three please set up the chairs around the tables and wipe them and the counters down, please?” I asked the three workers who would be working the registers and interacting with the customers. “Can you three go set up the kitchen and make sure everything is working alright while I go get some last minute ingredients I forgot to pick up?” I addressed Katie, Liv, and Tyler, turning to them. They were my three bakers that would be helping me in the kitchen with two others that hadn’t arrived yet. “All the other ingredients are stocked in the pantry and fridge,” I told them. They nodded at me and headed to the kitchen to get started.

“Do you want us to start baking anything after we’ve checked everything?” Liv asked as she, Katie and Tyler put on their aprons.

“Um, yes, could you start making all the breads? All the ingredients are available, and the recipe is in the recipe book in the pantry,” I told her. She nodded and told Tyler and Katie as they entered the kitchen. I turned towards Adam, Chris and Casey who were still wiping all the tables down. “Can you three put Elle and Jenna to work when they arrive? Tell them to mop the floors and help set up whatever else needs to be set up,” I told them heading for the doors.

“Want us to come down hard on them for being late?” Chris joked.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. “Make them run a few laps around the building. That’ll teach ‘em,” I said with a wink.

I exited the bakery and walked down towards the grocery store a couple blocks away. I made it there in ten minutes, and grabbed a little shopping basket as I walked inside. I made a beeline for the fruits, and picked out so many strawberries that all I could see is red. I also got a few kiwis and more lemons, and then I went to the isle with all the spices. I was putting cinnamon and nutmeg in my basket when I heard my name. I turned around and came face to face with Patrick Sharp’s fiancé, Abby.

“Jade?” she asked.

“Hi, Abby,” I said with a small smile.

Abby squealed and gave me a hug. “But I thought you were in New York?” she questioned once we pulled apart.

“I was,” I replied, “but a good friend of mine back here in Chicago found a place for me to start my own bakery, so I jumped at the opportunity. I had been trying to look for a place in New York, but couldn’t find one.”

“Oh, really?” she asked with a smile. “Great for you! What’s the bakery called?”

“Fraises et crème,” I told her with a smile. “It means strawberries and cream. My two favorite combinations for a dessert.”

Abby laughed and I saw Patrick come around the corner. “Babe, did you want skim or two percent mi-Jade?” Patrick asked in the middle of his sentence.

“Hey, Sharpy,” I said with a sheepish grin.

Patrick made a beeline for me and gave me a huge bear hug while asking, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m opening a bakery down here,” I laughed as we pulled away. “Congrats on the Stanley Cup by the way. I watched all of the playoff games. I’m so proud of you guys.”

“Thanks,” Sharpy beamed. “And awesome for you! Wait, does Jonny-“

“No, he doesn’t know I’m here,” I said cutting him off. “And I’d like to keep it that way. So can you guys not tell anyone I’m here? Please?” I begged them. “If they run into me on my own then fine, but please don’t tell Jonny.” My throat closed up just saying his name, and tears formed in my eyes but I quickly blinked them away without either of them noticing.

“Sure, honey,” Abby told me, rubbing my arm comfortingly. I looked to Sharpy and he nodded and gave me a smile.

“Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it,” I said giving them both hugs. “Well, I’ve got to go. I have to get back and start cooking pastries and what not.” I gave both Abby and Patrick another hug again, and headed off to the cash register to buy my ingredients I came in here for. I quickly bought them and headed back to my bakery. Fifteen minutes later I found myself baking away, trying to forget the fact that there is a chance that I might actually run into Jonathan Toews.

Business bloomed after I opened up the shop that day with the help of my hired crew. People fell in love with my bakery, and I was living off that high that people actually liked my food. Now, two weeks later, I already recognized a few faces when I was taking orders for any kind of catering services. And because we also made and sold breakfast, and lunch foods, many people came here to eat and hang out. It was like my own version of a Corner Bakery Cafe, except it was based more on pastries and desserts.

I was filling out an order form for a customer when I heard two people come in, who I recognized instantly once I heard them speak. I looked up quickly, and my heart got caught in my throat, but looked back down, finishing the order form. Hopefully I could get this done in time and leave before they noticed me. I was getting off pretty soon anyways.

“Would you like anything else on your cake, Mrs. Smalls?” I asked with a polite smile. Mrs. Smalls was an elderly woman and was already a new favorite customer of mine.

“Oh, no, dear, I don’t want to overload you or anything,” she said patting my hand, her smile making me smile in return. “That’s all for me.” I nodded and told her that her cake would be ready in two days and should be ready by three in the afternoon. I put the order form in the book I have for the orders we get and stayed down there as I heard them speak.

“I’d like to have one of your strawberry pies,” Patrick Kane said to Casey who was working the register. I could just imagine the charming smile he was giving her.

“We hear they’re to die for,” he said. I could imagine him giving Casey a small smile. Something he always did when he added onto a comment of Pat’s. I decided that I would quickly stand up and make a run for it, so I quickly stood up, only to knock over a cutting board used for the bread and bagels. Of course, all eyes turned to me, including their eyes. I quickly turned around to pick it up when I heard his voice.

“Jade?” Jonathan Toews said.

I shut my eyes and let out a deep breath, and opened them and turned around. “Hi, Jonny,” I breathed, the butterflies I got whenever I talked to him, let alone looked at him, appearing in my stomach once I met his confused eyes.

“Jade!” Patrick Kane yelled with a smile. “You work here? I thought you were in New York!” Pat leaned over the counter to try and give me a hug and I rolled my eyes.

I walked around the corner so he could hug me fully. I then turned to Jonny, wondering if I should give him a hug or not. Finally, he stepped forward and gave me a hug, which I returned awkwardly.

“I, um, actually, I own this place, Pat,” I said looking towards Patrick once Jonny’s and my hug ended. “A friend of mine found this place for me and I jumped at the chance to start my own bakery.”

“That’s great,” Jonathan mumbled, looking at me. I smiled and looked away with a blush on my cheeks.

“So…” Patrick trailed off, obviously not knowing how to voice the question we both know was soon to be asked, “Were you ever going to contact us again?”

“Um, well,” I said, even more heat rushing to my cheeks. Now we were all standing off to the side, so customers could still place orders or buy pastries and stuff. Jonathan was looking at me, but I couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. “I don’t know really. I just ran into Sharpy and Abby two weeks ago, so I figured I would run into more of you guys. And then I’d take it from there. Plus, I’ve been busy with the bakery and everything, so my mind’s kinda been occupied.” I glanced at Jonny and looked quickly away when I caught his eyes. But my eyes kept trailing back to him.

“Well, that’s understandable,” Pat said with a grin. I smiled back and he continued, “But now that you’ve seen us, you have to come visit us.”

I laughed and nodded my head. “Okay, I will,” I said with a smile. The butterflies were still there, and they only increased in number when I looked back at Jonny. “It was good to see you guys again.”

Jonny nodded and gave a weak smile and my smile faltered, only to be put back on again when Pat gave me a hug.

“I’m gonna go order that pie,” he said with a grin, and sauntered off to the counter and gave Casey one of his classic Patrick Kane smirks.

I stood there with Jonny in an awkward silence for a few minutes when he suddenly said, “So, Jade, do you want to maybe have dinner with me tonight?” he asked, hope gleaming in his eyes. “We could, uh, catch up.”

I thought about it for a moment, and then nodded my head, answering with, “Sure. I’d love to.” I looked around the bakery and saw that business was dying down. “I’m actually leaving in a few minutes, so if you want, you could just wait for me, and come to my apartment with me and just wait while I freshen up a bit. I’ll be fast, I promise,” I looked back at him with a hopeful grin.

“Sure, that’s fine,” Jonny said, sticking his hands in his pockets and giving me one of his smiles that I love.

“Great, let me just go tell my workers to remember to lock up,” I told him with a smile. I walked over to Casey who was flirting up a storm with Patrick while she was filling out his order form for a strawberry pie.

“Flirting while on the clock, huh, Casey? I might have to dock you for not working,” I teased her, giving her a wink.

She blushed and stuttered out, “Uh, I-“ Patrick chuckled as I cut her off.

“I’m kidding, hon. I’m leaving you in charge, so get everyone to help clean up and lock up, okay? I’m leaving early,” I told her with a warm smile.

“Okay,” Casey said relieved.

“You’re leaving already?” Pat whined.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Pat. I’m going to have dinner with Jonny.”

Patrick’s eyes widened, and then he smirked. “Ah, be safe, Jade.”

“Pat!” I said. “We’re just catching up!”

“Suuure,” he said with a smirk, and crossing his arms.

I rolled my eyes and said, “Whatever, I’ll catch you later,” I told him with a wave. He instantly turned back to flirting with Casey and I rolled my eyes with a giggle. I walked back over to Jonathan who was waiting patiently and gave him a smile. “Ready?” I asked him.

“Yep,” he said with a smile, holding up his keys.

We exited my bakery and got into his car, and I pointed him where to go. We arrived two minutes later, seeing as my apartment was a five minute walk to the bakery.

“Live pretty close to the bakery, eh?” Jonny asked chuckling, while cutting off the engine.

I laughed and nodded my head. “Yeah, it was convenient.” We got out of his car and headed up to my apartment on floor three.

“So do you have food in your apartment?” Jonny asked as I unlocked the door and we entered my third floor apartment.

“Yeah, why?” I asked turning on the light and going into the kitchen area and turning that light on also.

“Good,” Jonny stated, coming into the kitchen as I got a water bottle out of the fridge. “Then I can cook you something. Give you a break.”

I smiled and took a sip of my water. “Sure, thanks. Water?”

Jonny nodded his head and I tossed him a water and he headed over to my pantry. “So what do you have in here?” he asked looking into my pantry. He looked back at me and cocked an eyebrow at me.

“What?” I asked with a curious look.

“Mac and cheese, Jade? Really?” Jonny asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“What?” I asked with a laugh. “I learned how to make really good mac and cheese when I went to cooking school.”

Jonathan rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Well, how about I make you some? Go get freshened up and we’ll catch up once you’re done.”

“Okay,” I nodded and headed for my bathroom.

I took a shower in record time and once I was done I changed into sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I entered the kitchen and stood against the wall watching Jonny cook mac and cheese.

“Hey,” Jonny said when he looked up. “That was fast.”

“Told you I’d be quick,” I smiled, coming up next to him. “Looks decent, is it any good?”

Jonathan scoffed and I giggled. “Mac and cheese is one of the few things I have mastered in being able to cook.” I laughed and shook my head. “You smell like strawberries. You still use that strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner?” he asked, glancing at me.

“Y-Yeah,” I answered, gulping nervously. I had forgotten that my strawberry “scent” is what attracted Jonny to me in the first place. “Is it ready?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” Jonny said putting some into two bowls for the both of us.

I led us over to the couch and turned on the T.V. “Want to watch something while we eat?” I asked him sitting down.

He sat down next to me and nodded. “Sure,” he agreed.

I turned onto the T.V. show Friends, and immediately it felt like old times, when we would cuddle up on his couch, watching this show together, except without the cuddling.

“Just like old times,” I murmured as I took a bite out of my mac and cheese.

“Yeah,” Jonny said gazing at me.

“What?” I asked, noticing his stare. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No,” Jon chuckled. “How do you like it?”

“It’s good,” I smiled, “for a hockey player.” Jonathan pushed me playfully and I laughed as we watched Friends.

Half an hour later, Jonathan and I were talking and remembering all the times we spent together before I left. It felt like we were just how we were before, except the guilt I had in my stomach from leaving was building up like a pile of bricks.

“Can I ask you something, Jonny?” I said suddenly.

Jonny looked at me curiously, his serious expression the guys always teased him about, now on his face. “Yeah, of course.”

“Why are you here?” I asked him honestly. “I thought you hated me…”

Jonathan sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Honestly? You really want to know?” I nodded my head yes, giving him my full attention. “I don’t think you’ll like it. I don’t want you to run away from me again.”

Guilt instantly flooded my veins, and I looked away, tears forming in my eyes. I quickly blinked them away and looked back at Jonny. “Please, Jon. I have to know,” I begged him.

“Because I still love you, Jade,” he said earnestly. A single tear fell from my eye and I let it fall. “I always have loved you, and I never stopped loving you, even after you left. And I’m here now, because if friends is all I can get with you, then I’ll take it. I’d rather have you as a friend in my life, then not in my life at all.”

Tears poured down my face as Jonny finished and he pulled me into his arms, comforting me. “I’m so sorry for leaving, Jonny,” I cried. “I just, I didn’t think I was strong enough to be able to go through another relationship. And now, running away was the biggest mistake I had ever made. I understand if you hate me-“

“I could never hate you,” he said cutting me off, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

I looked up at him through tear-filled eyes and smiled. “Really?” I asked.

“Really, Jade,” Jonny whispered, as he leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips.

Fireworks exploded inside of me as our lips touched, and I felt all warm and fuzzy inside, like they say in those romance novels. I kissed him back, and the fireworks exploded again in my stomach, replacing the butterflies. It was the most amazing feeling in the world that I had ever felt. We pulled away for air, and Jonny placed his forehead on mine, and I closed my eyes, tears forgotten.

“I’m sorry I left Jonny,” I told him as I breathed his scent in.

“It doesn’t matter,” he breathed.

I opened my eyes, and saw him looking at me, and I pecked his lips. “I should have never have left, Jonny. I love you, and I always have. I shouldn’t have let my fears control me.”

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that, Jade,” Jonathan said as he kissed me once again. “While you were gone, I forgot what love was, but once you came back, you brought it back. I love you, Jade.” He brought his lips down to mine again, and I sighed into the kiss.

“And I love you, Jonathan,” I told him against his lips, smiling in pure happiness. Our kisses lasted forever that night, and I finally believed what fate had been telling me all along.