Hajime no Insho
sho gojuichi.
Thankfully, Yuu knew Kouyou better than just about anyone. He knew that Kouyou had been lying when he’d said, “It’s nothing, I’m fine,” and he knew that he’d been right to worry when he’d been given a kiss that said otherwise. He knew that Kouyou was stressing because he’d smoked three cigarettes instead of two, and he’d been out on their apartment’s balcony for an hour, and he would have come in and talked it out long before now.
And he knew Kouyou well enough to keep away while the cigarettes were still out – if there was something on his fiance’s mind, he was sorting out puff by puff, and Yuu had learned to wait. Eventually, though, he knew that Kouyou always felt a lot better when he stopped waiting, so he did. He climbed out of their bed, pulled on one of the shirts he’d left on the floor, and moved to stand behind the other man, arms wrapping lovingly around his shivering form.
Kouyou sighed and leaned back against him, his hands covering the ones on his torso, and he tried a smile as Yuu’s lips were pressed to his neck, greeting him without saying a word. There was an understanding between them that Yuu knew something was wrong, and Kouyou was well aware that Yuu would wait like this, holding him, until whatever had been troubling him had made it out and into the air.
He bit his lip, his gaze resting on the glowing sky before them as his head rested on Yuu’s shoulder, and he found that he could smile just a little as Yuu shifted to accommodate him with a quiet laugh and a kiss near his ear. He was saying Love, I’m waiting without really saying anything, and had it been anyone else, Kouyou would have been cursing him for being able to wait and stay silent for so damn long. Instead, he drew in a long breath, and he turned his head so that his face was pressed into Yuu’s neck, kissing his skin, smiling a little more for him, making getting up worth his while.
Talk to me, hm?
Kouyou sighed once more, and then he let his head tilt back so that he could look up at Yuu, eyes fluttering closed momentarily as lips met his for a kiss. “Sorry,” he murmured, and Yuu smiled just a little against his lips before drawing back, letting him rest back comfortably against his chest.
Don’t be. Yuu didn’t have to say it – he rarely did anyway, and Kouyou knew that the shift of his arms, the kiss to his hair, was a wordless You have nothing to be sorry for. “I know you hate it when I get like this.” Another soft kiss to his hair, and Yuu murmured something that he didn’t catch, and he was sure that he heard a short, breathy laugh as well. Anyone else would have been put off by his silence, and they would have left him long ago, but the fact that Yuu was still there with him meant something, and he hoped he’d acknowledged that just enough for the other man to know.
His gaze found the sky again, and he felt just a little bit more content with Yuu standing behind him, keeping him warm, keeping him close. He smiled a little, and he closed his hands around Yuu’s, squeezing gently and holding on.
“Sometimes, it’s just incredible to think that all of this is real.”
“Hm?”
“When I first met you, I…never thought I’d get to be with you.” He smiled a little and turned his head- Yuu’s gaze found his, and their foreheads pressed together, and their lips nearly met. He let his eyes close, let his form relax against the warm body behind him, and released most of his tension in a breathy sigh. “I thought that maybe you’d spend some time with me, kissing me, making love to me, and then that would be it.”
“But I stayed,” Yuu said softly, and the gentle tone in his voice gave the other man chills.
“Yeah,” Kouyou replied, and his voice was quiet, and he smiled as Yuu’s lips pressed forward to touch a kiss to his. “You stayed.”
“Is that what’s been troubling you? Wondering why I stayed?”
Kouyou shook his head, one hand lifting and pulling Yuu’s face closer, fingers remaining curled against his chin as they kissed. “No,” he said quietly. “You told me why you stayed. You stayed because you love me. But, Yuu-kun, I can’t help but wonder…” He sighed, the sound barely a breath as it left his mouth, and he tried a faint smile as his palm slid up to gently cup the dark-haired man’s cheek. “Yuu-kun, that choice you made…are you happy?”
“…Kou-kun, of course I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Kouyou looked up at him, and his mouth twitched into a small smile, and Yuu now understood exactly why he felt insecure. “Yuu-kun, you could have a wife by now. Any woman in the country would be more than happy to have you and give you children. And yet…you chose me.”
Yuu nodded, and he smiled as genuinely as possible as he gently turned Kouyou around in his arms. Hands found his shoulders, and he let his palms rest gently on the sides of Kouyou’s neck. Their gazes locked, and Yuu’s eyes were firm and sure while Kouyou’s were at their most insecure. And Yuu could only continue to wear that same smile, and then it broke, and he leaned forward to kiss Kouyou’s forehead, lips resting against his skin. “Kou-chan,” he said, and he seemed astounded, surprised that he’d ever have to reassure Kouyou of his love. “I don’t want all of those women to throw themselves at me. You know that, hm?”
Kouyou nodded, and he half-smiled as Yuu drew back, as they found themselves staring at each other once again.
“All I’m ever going to want is you.”
And he knew Kouyou well enough to keep away while the cigarettes were still out – if there was something on his fiance’s mind, he was sorting out puff by puff, and Yuu had learned to wait. Eventually, though, he knew that Kouyou always felt a lot better when he stopped waiting, so he did. He climbed out of their bed, pulled on one of the shirts he’d left on the floor, and moved to stand behind the other man, arms wrapping lovingly around his shivering form.
Kouyou sighed and leaned back against him, his hands covering the ones on his torso, and he tried a smile as Yuu’s lips were pressed to his neck, greeting him without saying a word. There was an understanding between them that Yuu knew something was wrong, and Kouyou was well aware that Yuu would wait like this, holding him, until whatever had been troubling him had made it out and into the air.
He bit his lip, his gaze resting on the glowing sky before them as his head rested on Yuu’s shoulder, and he found that he could smile just a little as Yuu shifted to accommodate him with a quiet laugh and a kiss near his ear. He was saying Love, I’m waiting without really saying anything, and had it been anyone else, Kouyou would have been cursing him for being able to wait and stay silent for so damn long. Instead, he drew in a long breath, and he turned his head so that his face was pressed into Yuu’s neck, kissing his skin, smiling a little more for him, making getting up worth his while.
Talk to me, hm?
Kouyou sighed once more, and then he let his head tilt back so that he could look up at Yuu, eyes fluttering closed momentarily as lips met his for a kiss. “Sorry,” he murmured, and Yuu smiled just a little against his lips before drawing back, letting him rest back comfortably against his chest.
Don’t be. Yuu didn’t have to say it – he rarely did anyway, and Kouyou knew that the shift of his arms, the kiss to his hair, was a wordless You have nothing to be sorry for. “I know you hate it when I get like this.” Another soft kiss to his hair, and Yuu murmured something that he didn’t catch, and he was sure that he heard a short, breathy laugh as well. Anyone else would have been put off by his silence, and they would have left him long ago, but the fact that Yuu was still there with him meant something, and he hoped he’d acknowledged that just enough for the other man to know.
His gaze found the sky again, and he felt just a little bit more content with Yuu standing behind him, keeping him warm, keeping him close. He smiled a little, and he closed his hands around Yuu’s, squeezing gently and holding on.
“Sometimes, it’s just incredible to think that all of this is real.”
“Hm?”
“When I first met you, I…never thought I’d get to be with you.” He smiled a little and turned his head- Yuu’s gaze found his, and their foreheads pressed together, and their lips nearly met. He let his eyes close, let his form relax against the warm body behind him, and released most of his tension in a breathy sigh. “I thought that maybe you’d spend some time with me, kissing me, making love to me, and then that would be it.”
“But I stayed,” Yuu said softly, and the gentle tone in his voice gave the other man chills.
“Yeah,” Kouyou replied, and his voice was quiet, and he smiled as Yuu’s lips pressed forward to touch a kiss to his. “You stayed.”
“Is that what’s been troubling you? Wondering why I stayed?”
Kouyou shook his head, one hand lifting and pulling Yuu’s face closer, fingers remaining curled against his chin as they kissed. “No,” he said quietly. “You told me why you stayed. You stayed because you love me. But, Yuu-kun, I can’t help but wonder…” He sighed, the sound barely a breath as it left his mouth, and he tried a faint smile as his palm slid up to gently cup the dark-haired man’s cheek. “Yuu-kun, that choice you made…are you happy?”
“…Kou-kun, of course I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Kouyou looked up at him, and his mouth twitched into a small smile, and Yuu now understood exactly why he felt insecure. “Yuu-kun, you could have a wife by now. Any woman in the country would be more than happy to have you and give you children. And yet…you chose me.”
Yuu nodded, and he smiled as genuinely as possible as he gently turned Kouyou around in his arms. Hands found his shoulders, and he let his palms rest gently on the sides of Kouyou’s neck. Their gazes locked, and Yuu’s eyes were firm and sure while Kouyou’s were at their most insecure. And Yuu could only continue to wear that same smile, and then it broke, and he leaned forward to kiss Kouyou’s forehead, lips resting against his skin. “Kou-chan,” he said, and he seemed astounded, surprised that he’d ever have to reassure Kouyou of his love. “I don’t want all of those women to throw themselves at me. You know that, hm?”
Kouyou nodded, and he half-smiled as Yuu drew back, as they found themselves staring at each other once again.
“All I’m ever going to want is you.”