Black and Blue

I fucked Ava.

I know, I know. I really... don't know what I was thinking. I couldn't help it either. The entire time after my mind just stayed at Mekare... God, and all my friends.

I'm going home. I can control myself, in fact I just talked to some human bloke about the band. He didn't recognise me.

***

I'm losing myself with this. I want to go home, but all I can think about is her. Them, her. I can't think of anything and when I try to figure out how I'm going to do it, I always come to the conclusion that it would be best if they thought I was dead.

It's getting so hard without Mekare there. She'd be able to help me through this; she'd tell me exactly what to do. I won't get her back and I know I won't, but I can't help shit any longer.

***

I'm just standing outside my old house, under a tree. No one has seen me; no one has come out or in all day and there aren't any cars in the driveway. I can't just go into the home and tell them that I'm back, better looking than ever.

It's hard, but I miss my brother. His name is tattooed on my hand and I miss him and my mates; I miss my music.