Salted Chocolate

“Now, do be careful, my dear children. Don’t lose your heads. No need to get over-excited. Just keep very calm,” Mr. Wonka said after he calmly pushed the wall open to reveal the Chocolate Room. It was a beautiful room, and it was full of candy. The trees and bushes and everything else were made of candy.

The entire group began to wander off when Mr. Wonka called them back and pointed out the waterfall. “You know, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall, my dear children, and you can take that to the bank.”

Mr. Wonka continued, “Do you like my meadow? Try some of the grass. Please have a blade, please do. It’s so delectable and so darn good-looking.”

“You can eat the grass?” Charlie asked, voicing everyone’s thoughts.

Mr. Wonka replied, “Of course you can. Everything in this room is eatable. Even I’m eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.”

Several of the adults looked at him like he was mad. Mariella thought he was brilliant. She caught Mr. Wonka’s eye and gave him a small smile.

“Enjoy,” Mr. Wonka said finally. And everyone ran off to stuff their faces — even the adults. Mariella spent more time looking around. She bent down and took a few blades of grass from the meadow. It tasted like mint. Then she look a candy apple from one of the bushes and ate it slowly while glancing around her at the wondrous place she found herself in.

“You like it?” Mr. Wonka asked as he appeared at her side suddenly.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed, smiling at Mr. Wonka.

“Oh yeah… very beautiful,” Mr. Wonka replied, seeming distracted. But Mariella didn’t realize he was talking about her and not the Chocolate Room.

“Daddy, look over there!” Mariella heard her sister’s voice and turned to see what Veruca was pointing at. Some little men stood on the far side of the river bank.

“Are they real people?” Mike Teevee asked.

Mr. Wonka replied, “Of course they’re real people. They’re Oompa Loompas.”

“Oompa Loompas?” asked Mr. Salt.

“Imported, direct from Loompaland,” Mr. Wonka said.

“There’s no such place,” Mr. Tevee said.

“What?” Mr. Wonka snapped almost angrily.

“Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography and…” Mr Tevee began but he was interrupted by Mr. Wonka.

“Then you’ll know all about it, and oh, what a horrible country it is,” Mr. Wonka said in a voice that made everyone hesitant to question him. He began to explain about how he found the Oompa Loompas and persuaded them to come and work in his factory.
“They are such wonderful workers. I must warn you, though — they are rather mischievous. Always making jokes.” He then laughed a little.

“Augustus, my child, that is not a good thing you do,” Mrs. Gloop shouted across the river. Mariella turned around to see Augustus Gloop leaning out over the bank of the river, scooping the melted chocolate into his mouth.

“Hey, little boy,” Mr. Wonka shouted across the river, “my chocolate mustn’t be touched by human hands.”

It was at this point Augustus fell into the river.

“He’ll drown,” Mrs. Gloop screamed at Mr. Wonka. “He can’t swim! Save him!”

Mr. Wonka did nothing, and a pipe came down, sucking in the chocolate. It even took Augustus with it, sucking him up the pipe.

“It’s a wonder how that pipe is big enough,” Mrs. Beauregarde said.

“It isn’t big enough. He’s slowing down,” Charlie said.

“I think he’s stuck,” Mariella said. Then she noticed the Oompa Loompas.

“What are they doing?” Veruca asked.

“Why I think they’re going to treat us to a little song,” Mr. Wonka smiled. “It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven’t had a fresh audience in many a moon.”

Mr. Wonka was right. The Oompa Loompas burst into song.

“Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
The great big greedy nincompoop!
Augustus Gloop!
So big and vile
So greedy, foul, and infantile

‘Come on!’ we cried, 'The time is right
To send him shooting up the pipe!
But don’t, dear children, be alarmed;
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed.
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed!

Although, of course, we must admit
he will be altered quite a bit.
Slowly, wheels go round and round
and cogs begin to grind and pound

This greedy brute, this louse’s ear,
Is loved by people everywhere!
For who could hate or bear a grudge
Against a luscious bit of fudge?”

As the song ended, Augustus was sent shooting up the pipe.

Mrs. Gloop began to make a fuss. “Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?”

Mr. Wonka explained, “That pipe, it just so happens to go to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry and vanilla chocolate coated fudge.”

Mrs. Gloop said, shocked, “Then he will be made into strawberry and vanilla chocolate fudge! They’ll be selling him by the pound all over the world.”

Mr. Wonka calmly replied, “No. I wouldn’t allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop? Eww. No one would buy it.”

Mariella tried and failed to stop smirking. She caught Mr. Wonka’s eye, and he winked at her. She found herself blushing. Get a grip, Mariella, she told herself. There’s no way he’s interested in you.

Mariella snapped out of her thoughts as a large pink boiled sweet boat came cruising down the chocolate river after Mrs Gloop had been led away by an Oompa Loompa.

The Ooompa Loompas rowing the boat started giggling after they brought the boat to a stop.

“What’s so funny?” asked Violet, puzzled.

“I think it’s from all those doggone cocoa beans,” said Mr. Wonka. “Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being…"—his eyes rested on Mariella—"in love,” he finished. Mariella looked away, feeling her cheeks go hot again.

“Heh heh. All aboard,” Mr. Wonka said, nervously laughing.