Reason to Live

“Smile. Smile. Smile. C'mon Audrey, Smile for the camera! Smile. Smile. Smile.”
“Oh, shut up Eric!” Debbie said, laughing. I hid my face from Eric and his stupid video camera. No matter the occasion, he would always be there filming something.
“Fine, she won't talk. Deborah, dear... what has been the highlight of the rehearsal dinner party so far? Other than my wife throwing a killer uppercut to your bass player?”, Eric laughed as he directed the camera towards her. It was just a couple of hours later, and we were already joking about it. Little did we know it would change things forever.


When Marie saw that I was crying at my rehearsal dinner, the day before my wedding, like any decent friend would, she rushed over to comfort me.
"Audrey, what's wrong?" she worried, placing her hands on my shoulders. "Who's ass am I kicking?"
"Nobody's," I laughed quietly, letting a tear or two fall. My mother smiled at Marie, gesturing that I was fine. I held up my wrist, letting the sparkling metal bracelet catch the light. "It was my grandmother's," I explained. Marie took a deep breath of relief. "She left it with my mum, with a note, before she died. She wanted me to have this the night before I got married." Marie smiled at me sweetly as I talked. "When I was a kid, I always used to say that it was a wedding bracelet, because I had a bride doll with a similar bracelet. I always wanted to wear it, but Nanna never let me, because I was too young. Now, I finally can."

Marie began talking about her excitement for the wedding, stopping when she saw the expression on my face. I stood there, horrified, as I watched Billie insanely flirting with Bruce. With a wide smile, close to his face, her fingers traced along the buttons on his shirt. He looked puzzled.
"What the hell does she think she's doing?"Marie said, furious. Quicker than I could think of what to say, Marie marched towards Billie, ripping her away from Bruce by the hair. Within seconds, everyone's attention was on Billie and Marie screaming at each other. I slowly walked over, watching them fight. I was hurt at the sight of Billie and Bruce, thinking back to the night, just weeks before, when I found out about their past. I was sure he loved me, and only me, but I knew he'd have to have been attracted to her. It's a jealously thing, I'm still struggling with.
Bruce put his arm around me, as if to say "I didn't do anything wrong – I swear! " My eyes met with his, a second enough to ensure that we were both okay. I was frighteningly quiet, apparently.
"You call yourself a friend? How could you do this to Audrey?" Marie screamed.
"This is none of you fucking business, okay? So stay out of it!", Billie retaliated.
"It's my business when my friends are getting hurt, you've done that more than enough!"
"Should we stop this?", I heard Paul ask Gene.
"Are you crazy? I say we throw them in a pool of mud, and let 'em battle it out that way," Gene said so typically.
Debbie pushed past Bruce and I, quickly beginning to tear apart Marie and Billie as they wrestled on the floor. It looked like a WWF Women's Title fight. There was hair getting pulled, scratching, and I swear Marie bit her. It wasn't until Debbie made an appearance that I woke up to what was going on and tried to stop it too. I was in a state of shock, so much, that I would have sat back and watched Marie kill her.
"Billie, you're drunk. Go home," I said, trying to hold back Marie. I regretted inviting Billie in the first place. Forgiving Bruce for what happened was no problem, given the circumstances and the fact that I loved him too much to ever stay mad at him. But forgiving Billie was something I don't think I'll ever be able to do. I tried my best to keep peace for the sake of our band and our circle of friends, but this time she went too far.
"I can't believe you're gonna side with this bitch, Audrey! I wasn't doing anything harmful..." Billie said bitterly with her messed up, blond hair falling in front of her face.
"You little skank!" Marie yelled, trying to leap at her.
"I saw it Billie, I'm not stupid. And don't ever talk about Marie that way again, or I'll rip your hair out too" I said, trying, and failing to sound threatening.
"I can't believe this!", she yelled. "After everything I did for you!"
"What did you do for me? Other than keep my boyfriends satisfied while I wasn't around."
"Babe, forget about it..." Bruce said, trying to calm me down. I looked over my shoulder at him, then turned back, ignoring what he had said.
"Is that what you're angry about?"she asked.
"Oh, my god! Are you in insane? Of course that's what I'm angry about! Friends don't sleep with other friends boyfriends, even if they aren't together at the time! You knew I loved him, we'd talk about it all the time! At the wedding I told you that I was trying to get him back! And what did you do? You fucked him and fucked everything else! It's bad enough that you did that, but you had the arrogance to turn up to my rehearsal dinner and flirt with the man I'm about to marry!" I screamed. She really pissed me off. I have never been so angry. It was embarrassing enough, without my face going bright red from my screaming.
Billie really took that to heart. She looked at Bruce and laughed. "You could do so much better," she said to him then began to walk off. Too bad for her that she didn't except Marie to be standing behind her, waiting to punch her face in. I never thought such a small, sweet person could fight like that. My last memory of Billie was her stumbling off, clutching her head. None of us have heard from her or seen her since.

We stood by the staircase of the hotel lobby, while our guests started to leave for bed. “Hmm. My favourite part of the night would have to be dinner. The food was great,” Debbie answered Eric's question. “Yeah, It was. So you rehearsed eating well?”, he asked her.
Debbie cracked up. “Yeah, I rehearsed eating.”
“Well, isn't that what rehearsal dinners are all about? I don't get all this wedding stuff. Why do we have to rehearse eating food? I've had plenty of practice eating dinner, I like to think I'm good at it!”, Eric joked. Both Debbie and I laughed.
“Debbie just likes parties," I added.
“Oh, she finally speaks!”, Eric said excitedly as he tried to film me again.
“Eric, if you don't get that camera outta my face, I'll shove it so far up your arse, that you'll be crapping pictures for the rest of the century!”, I threatened, only mucking around of course. I had no idea that my parents were standing behind me.
“Audrey!”, my mother said in shock. My Dad couldn't stop laughing.
“That's my girl! And I'm so very glad that you still say “arse” instead of, what do you guy's say “ass?””, my Dad questioned as Eric nodded.
“Actually, she varies between the two," Debbie pointed out.
“Yeah, She varies between all kinds of butts," Eric joked. My Dad didn't get it, but laughed anyway.
“Well, your Father and I are going now, so I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay sweetie?”
“Alright, Bye mum," I said as I kissed her cheek , then waved goodbye.
I started smiling to myself, realising that in the morning when my mother would see me, I'd be dressed in flowing, elegant, white lace.
" You know Aud, your father is one of the most hilarious people that I've ever met. I have so much respect for a man who deliberately grows a beard to catch food," Eric said, laughing loudly. The thought of my father with a piece of chicken stuck in his facial hair made me giggle, as gross as it is.
"You guys have the time?" Debbie asked us.
"Nope."
"I broke my watch."
"Audrey, you break everything you touch," Debbie said shaking her head. She walked off into the reception room, where she hoped to find the time.
“Hey, were you recording that whole conversation?”, I asked Eric, noticing that the camera was still on.
“Yeah, There will be not a single embarrassing moment during this wedding that won't be documented Moore," Eric said.
“Argh! You're gonna call me that too? I hope when I get married,you won't refer to me as “Kulick”... whatever happened to being Audrey?” I complained.
“Moore! Get your ass in bed now, you've gotta get up early tomorrow, and It's late!" Debbie demanded upon her return.
“Party's over Moore.” Eric laughed. It was funny how Debbie called me that and had no idea what we were just talking about.
“Yeah, goodnight," I said, as I walked off, sticking my tongue out at Eric.

No matter how excited or energised a person is, when they hit a luxury pillow with silk sheets, added the exhaustion of being pregnant, their body begins to float away at the thought of rest. Being so, no matter how badly they want to stay awake. What I wanted was to be with somebody. I was in a building filled with people I adore, a rare occasion, and I was confined to a lonely, however luxurious, hotel room. I disagreed with Debbie's idea of "beauty sleep" when I knew I could be having a lot of fun. But no matter what my mind was telling me, my body knew it was time to rest. I felt like I was sinking into the mattress, as my whole body relaxed. It felt amazing.
Then it stopped.

My eyes shot open with the sound of knocking at my door. Just like that, I was fully awake. It wasn't a simple knock either. This person was persistent, and wanted me out of bed one way or another. Thinking it was Marie playing "knock and run" ( a game I found that she loved to play on KISS tours) I got up and opened the door. So it wasn't Marie.
Light from the corridor shone into my dark room, revealing a tall figure standing in the doorway.
"Little Miss Moore," the sexy voice quietly spoke. I thought for a second that I might have been dreaming.
"Mr Kulick," I greeted him with much enthusiasm. I must have just stood there smiling at him.
After looking me up and down he asked, "Well, aren't you going to invite me in?" I laughed.
"Debbie said..."
"I don't care," he cut me off, gently pushing me back. He lifted me up by the thighs and threw me onto the bed. I lied there smiling, while he got up to check that the door was shut properly. He came back to the bed where I lied, watching him closely. He gently brushed his hand against my face and smiled. It was pretty obvious what he was up to. He leant down and met me with a gentle kiss, while moving his body on top of mine.
"Umm..." I said, stopping him.
"What?" he smiled.
"I can't have sex with you Brucie," I told him, yawning.
"You think that's why I'm here?" he asked. I nodded.
"Those are your intentions..."
"Well, yeah," he smiled. "For thirteen days now I've been longing for this. But I also didn't want you to be lonely." His hands massaged my thighs as he spoke.
"It's after twelve...so it's our wedding day," I said, letting his lips touch my body.
"And you said, on our wedding day we can..."
"But you shouldn't even be here. It's bad luck to see your bride before you're married on the day you know?" I teased, sitting up.
"I know you don't believe in that crap," he said, staring right into my eyes. I shrugged.
"It's one of those silly little traditions that are fun to keep."
"Ha, how about we get under the covers and I'll show you the real meaning on fun babe," he suggested with an oh-so nice kiss to my neck. He knows that drives me wild.
"...and sex before marriage...very naughty," I joked.
"How can you say that when you're pregnant?" he laughed.
" I'm so tired. I'm just happy to spend the night with you," I said pulling back the blankets and getting back into my comfortable spot. He followed pretty quickly.
"Okay, if you just want to go to sleep, then that's what we'll do. But I just have to say, I'm horny as hell," he said with his lips close to my ear. I laughed.
"Really? You'll do that for me?" I asked.
"Auddy. I'd do anything for you," he smiled and wrapped his arms around me as we lied there together.
"It's hard," I said.
"You feel that too?" he asked, not at all referring to the same thing as I.
"Bruce!" I laughed. "I wasn't talking about your dick!"
"But now you're thinking about it," he grinned.
"I meant that it is hard trying to fall asleep, knowing what I could be missing out on," I explained, pushing my head onto the pillow.
"So you were thinking about my dick," he chuckled, moving his hands up my gown.
"Night Bruce," I said, closing my eyes.
"No, wait. Don't fall asleep. These are our last moments together unmarried."
"I'm tired," I whispered. He gently ran his hands along my stomach.
"You know what I noticed today?" he asked, continuing to talk.
"What?" I barely bothered to reply.
"Your belly is getting bigger," he said, sounding excited.
"Agh."
"It's cute," he laughed.
"I'll be a whale," I complained.
"A beautiful whale," he responded with a kiss to my ear.
"A big fatty with a hot husband. Agh you annoy me."
"I annoy you?" he sulked.
"Yeah, you're too good looking. It won't be easy with all the girls I have to fight off."
"Marie, wow, never seen her kick ass like that before," he laughed.
"And, you're getting more gorgeous by the second. You're hotter than me," I said, pulling his arms around me tighter.
"Stop it Aud. You are beautiful...and sexy. Pregnant or not. Don't ever think otherwise."
"But what if I put on a shit load of weight? Stopped shaving my legs...wore turtle necks all year round?"
"I'd still love you," he said.
"What if I only ate tuna?"
"I'd still love you."
"What if I wanted to take up square dancing?" I asked.
"I can't imagine you doing or being any of those things," he laughed.
"You never know," I giggled, turning over so that my face was opposite his.
"No matter what happens, I will always love you." He kissed my lips gently and I smiled.
"All those things you said, I say too. I'll always love you," I said, closing my eyes again. "Night Brucie."
"Goodnight sweetheart," he replied. Other than my Dad, he is the only man allowed to call me that. Any other guy would be told to go to hell.
Warming me with his body, together, Bruce Kulick and I fell asleep.