Reason to Live

I woke up smiling. I had dreamt about Bruce and I in the rain. Everything was silent, as I sat there in bed, alone, trying to comprehend the fact that I was about to get married. I looked next to me, where the blankets were pulled back from where he had left. He must have got up early. I closed my eyes and began to daydream about what almost every girl considers the most anticipated day of their life. But that heavenly feeling was soon to be interrupted.
Suddenly, Marie burst through the door screaming, yelling and jumping on my bed to wake me up. Dave and Debbie walked in after her, laughing.
“You're getting married!”, Marie yelled excitedly. “Ah, this is so exciting!”
“My god Marie, I think you're more excited than Audrey is!”, Debbie laughed.
“How long have you guys been up?” I asked, surprised that they all looked so awake at 6:30am. I'm really not a morning person.
“Well, I didn't get much sleep," Dave said with a suggestive smile.
“Too much!”, Marie stressed, covering her ears.
“What are you even doing here anyway? This is supposed to be a girly thing, where we do each other's hair and nails and take photos," I asked. “...Not that I don't enjoy your company Dave," I smiled.
“Well, I've actually got a surprise for you, but then I've gotta go," he said looking at Debbie. She smiled back, probably happy that her boyfriend was sticking to her strict wedding schedule. He left the room for just a few seconds, returning with stunning red roses.
“Wow! Dave, thank you! You didn't have to do that!”, I said, hugging him.
“He didn't, they're from Bruce," Debbie said as she slapped the back of his head. “You were just gonna take the credit for that, weren't you?”
“Yeah," he laughed. “Well, I better go now. See you later," he said with a very wide smile. He kissed Debbie, and left.

“Okay, Audrey. You have to stop smiling like a freak," Debbie laughed as she struggled to do my makeup.
“I can't!”, I said, then started to laugh too.
“You're moving, just sit still.”
“Ahaha...”, I broke into a fit of laughter.
“Woah!”, she said as she quickly pulled away the eyeliner she was trying to apply.
“I think I better do it," I giggled, as I walked towards the mirror.
"You know, I thought you'd have a make up artist for this," My sister commented, barely looking up from a magazine that she was reading.
“I do her makeup all the time, why not today?” Debbie asked.
"It's a wedding...and you're all rich..."
"We don't waste our money, that's why we're rich," Holly smiled.
"Yeah, think of all the albums we could buy with that money," I said.

When it was time for the dress, I walked into the room where I was to change. Cheap Trick's The Flame played on the radio as I walked inside. It was such a beautiful moment, seeing my dress neatly hanging up. “Just let me know if you need help, I know what you're like with dresses,” Debbie said standing behind me. She was right, complicated dresses and myself are not a good combination. I'll never forget getting my hair caught in the zipper of my dress moments before we had to leave for my high school graduation. My mum ended up cutting my hair last minute , just so I didn't have to tilt my head backwards all night because my hair was attached to the back of my dress. It took me eight years to grow my hair that long again!
"Thanks," I smiled. Debbie smiled back at me, proudly. I noticed her eyes were starting to get watery. Although she's critical and often bossy, she was always sweet. Everything she said and did was with good intentions.
"Okay," she whispered, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

While I was fitting into my custom made wedding gown, most of the bridesmaids were changing into their dresses too. They were sleek, emerald green dresses that shone brightly in the sunlight. They all looked amazing, Debbie, Sally, Holly and of course Marie.
Debbie and Marie obviously weren't getting ready at that moment, because I heard them talking from the room outside where I was.
“You reckon I could get this lollipop up my nose?” I heard Marie ask.
“Probably, but I wouldn't try it," Debbie replied.
“No?”
“What if you got it stuck?! Sure It'd be funny as all hell, but man, Audrey would be so pissed.”
“Actually, It'd be a funny memory to recollect on," I yelled, laughing at how wonderfully random Marie is.
“Okay, I'm ready!” I yelled, before I walked out of the room.

"Oh my fucking..." Marie's voice trailed off as she saw me. I smiled. "...KISS," she whispered.
"Aud, you look amazing!"my sister complimented me, a rare occurrence. I looked down at myself. Layers of detailed lace hugged my upper body tightly, ending before the shoulders and covering my arms. It drew attention to my usually small breasts and flowed at the hips. I was happy, even with the small "baby bump" showing. It was small enough for nobody to notice I thought. I felt beautiful for the first time in ages.
Smiling, I looked up at Debbie. She had completely lost it. "Deb..." I said, walking over and hugging her. Her makeup started to run as tears fell from her bright, blue eyes.
"I'm so happy for you," she cried.
"You promised me this wouldn't happen, remember?" I said, hugging her tighter.
"I did?" she asked, sniffling.
"Yeah. In the tenth grade! Mr Marshals maths class, the teachers were looking at wedding photos and bawling their eyes out. And you turned to me, holding your Beatles lunchbox and said 'Audrey, when you get married, there's no way in hell I'll carry on like these loons over there,'" I smiled.
"You remember that?" she asked, shocked.
"Of course," I smiled.

After my Mum and a few more of my relatives made a fuss over me and my dress, everyone went to the hotel's garden to take pictures.

Everything was great and going according to plan, that was until I noticed we were a person short when the limousine arrived. As you can imagine, that annoyed Debbie.
"Where is Dad?" I asked, worried.
"He should be here soon, don't worry," Sally tried to reassure me.
"But where did he go?"
"I dunno," she replied, more fascinated by what type of vehicle we were about to leave in.
"I'll find him, we've gotta go," I said, lifting my dress off the ground, and walking back towards the hotel.
"Woah, where do you think you're going?" Marie asked, chasing after me.
"To find my father, care to help?" I asked, casually. Not arguing with me, she picked up the trail of my dress.
Once we approached the glass door of the hotel's lobby, I looked inside to see my dear father, kneeling on the door in front of a vending machine. I rolled my eyes. "Oh, he just stopped for a snack," Marie giggled.
"Ah, it's not the first time he's made us late for this very reason," I said, opening the door. We walked over to him, me standing with my hands on my hips.
"Hi sweetie," he said, looking up at me. I could tell he was nervous by the redness in his cheeks. A trait I inherited.
"Hi Dad. What are you doing?" I asked, noticing that the whole time he had his hand in the machine. Surely it didn't take that long for the item to fall down.
"Hey Mr Audrey's dad..."
"His name is Ken," I whispered.
"Mr Audrey's dad..." Marie continued, thinking it had a better ring to it than "Ken". "What are the chances of getting me a Hershey's while you're down there?" she asked, smiling.
"How long are you willing to wait?" he asked, awkwardly.
"Not long, the limo is here Dad, we're waiting for you," I told him.
"Wouldn't you rather the ceremony here?" he asked.
"No! Dad, c'mon, you're being ridiculous!"
"Audrey, I'm stuck," he confessed, looking at the floor.
"You have to be kidding," I said, remembering being very unimpressed.
"No, you know my jokes are usually only about the Chinese."
"No way! I saw this on a movie once. The guy got his hand stuck, and it was in the middle of nowhere. Nobody could help him, he just sat there. The cruel irony was, he starved to death!" Marie told us.
"Ahh!" Dad panicked, pulling out his arm quickly. It did nothing.
"Is it your hand or your coat sleeve?" I asked.
"My coat," he replied.
"Well take it off!" I yelled, starting to panic. Marie looked at me. "Bruce is going to think I've ran off if we're late!" He pulled harder then cringed.
"What?" I asked.
"Now my wrist is stuck," he said, sheepishly.
"Quick!" Marie said, grabbing onto his arm and beginning to pull. For anybody passing by the lobby, they would have seen a funny sight, a bride and a bridesmaid trying to pull a man in a tuxedo out of a vending machine.

An hour later, there was quite a crowd, and a much needed fire truck.
"Woah," Marie said, smiling widely as a fireman walked past us, carrying an axe. I wasn't sure if she was impressed by the man or the weapon, but I wasn't in any position to care.
"How'd you go?" I asked Debbie as she returned.
“I've tried calling Gene, no answer! The one time he doesn't answer his cell phone, It had to be today, didn't it?”
“Did you try Bruce? Anyone?”, I asked.
“I'm not having much luck, sorry Aud," She said.
“Well, I'm not waiting here any longer. We're already late! I can't leave Bruce standing there by himself!” I stressed.
“There's nothing we can do. He's not moving!”, Debbie snapped under pressure.
“Well, I'll bring the vending machine too," I said, pulling at my hair.
“Don't be stupid! You're wrecking your hair! Audrey, stop that!” my mother said, astonished by the absurdity of the situation.
“It's her wedding day, she can do whatever she bloody wants to!" my Dad responded in my defence. “She's not a little kid anymore. You can't control her forever Lee.”
That didn't go down too well.
“Typical. You make all these irrational decisions, thinking you're the bigger man, but who's always left to pick up the pieces, huh?”, Mum began to argue.
"What are you on about?" he asked, screwing up his face in disgust.
"You have your arm stuck in a machine Kenniff! There'll be food at the reception. You had a feast for breakfast! You're a fat, horrible man!"
"How dare you say that in front of our children!" he replied.
“Argh. I am not standing here listening to this! I'm goin now, with or without all of you!”, I yelled, but only Debbie heard because everyone else was too busy arguing.
"Dave can give you away," Debbie suggested.
"Dave?" I asked.
"Why not? He's your manager. He's done his share of looking after you."
I stopped in the doorway, thinking about it. That certainly wasn't how I pictured my wedding happening.
Luckily, as we were walking out, Marie was rushing back in.
"Oh crap, I almost missed you," she said, panting from running.
"What? What?" Debbie asked.
"Eric knows," Marie told us, catching her breath.
"That's great," I said, relived.
"He told Bruce, and they're going to wait for you. Aud it's okay," She smiled.

“Where the hell have you been?” Bob asked as we finally arrived. He stood in the car park, after pacing back and forth anxiously.
“Aud's Dad got his hand stuck in a vending machine," Marie answered while we all hurried to where we were supposed to be.
“What?” he shrieked, astonished. “How?.... never mind you're here, quick! Get ready!”, he said, then ran off. Everything was rush, rush.
It's funny how we spent so much energy from stress and rushing, were late, but in the end, still ended up waiting for the ceremony to start. I was so excited that I thought my heart was going jump right out of my chest!

The ceremony was basically non-religious, as I hate the whole concept of a sole system of beliefs. I found it far too complicated, stressful and contradicting of itself, no matter which one. It's something I never understood and honestly found boring. I found it more fun driving around with my father in his ute, learning the ways of people he worked with and the society we lived, rather than going to church with my mother and listening to somebody read from the bible. I never agreed to being a Christian. I have respect for those who choose to have faith, especially since a vast majority of my loved ones do. Of course, Bruce was raised Jewish. He respected my undesire for religion, as I respected his family's values. We met halfway, a non traditional wedding with a Jewish custom here and there - only the fun stuff.
Free from the need to be in a church, the wedding was held in a beautiful garden that joined to another amazing hotel (booked exclusively for us). It also overlooked the beach, which I thought was amazing. As I peeked around the corner of the building, I saw there were tarps waiting, ready to be put up in the event of rain, which was predicted. I didn't like the idea of shelter. It's no shock that I love getting wet, and when I saw the "just in case" umbrellas, I giggled. I guess not everybody shares my views on rain.
Our adorable flower girl was my gorgeous niece, led down the aisle by my mother.
“Nervous?”, Debbie whispered as an acoustic arrangement of the wedding march began to play. I started to get goose bumps and felt like my entire body had pins and needles. Oddly, it was a pleasant feeling. That was it. That song. It was happening.
“Not at all," I replied with probably the biggest smile ever. “This feels so right.”
My Dad's grip on my arm increased to the point where I was almost in pain when we stepped into the sunlight. Even though there was a grey cloud above us, the sun still managed to pierce through. Carefully, my feet met the red carpet that sat above plush, green grass. It was then that I got a really good look at my surroundings. Having the ceremony outside in a spectacular garden was one of the greatest decisions Debbie made. In fact, the entire setting was too beautiful for words. She worked so hard.
“Dad, too tight" I laughed quietly, as his grip on my arm only increased. The poor guy had purple marks on his wrists from where the vending machine almost cut his arm off.
“Sorry," he said nervously. He gets so nervous and shy in social situations like that. I guess that's where I get it from.

I glanced up, through my veil, and saw Bruce standing there. Up until that point, I had never felt such a great rush of excitement. I had performed in front of crowds of thousands, jumped from a plane and seen for the first time, footage of my child growing and living inside me. None of that compared to the feeling I got when I saw Bruce smiling at me. He has one particular smile that stops my entire world. He looked so good in a tuxedo. Our eyes connected and both our smiles grew.

We said nothing to each other when we met at the altar. I think partly because both our smiles were so wide, we didn't think it was possible to speak. A cool, soothing, Autumn breeze caressed my face, lightly catching my veil and hair. It was the perfect moment.
For that moment, everything seemed perfect. Looking around, perfection. The roses, the whole setting. The sky, my amazing dress. My smiling family and friends, and of course the wonderful man standing before me – all perfect!
The ceremony officiant began to speak, and to be honest, I did not pay attention to a single world he spoke. I seriously cannot recall anything he said, not even our vowels were of any significance to me. I've always believed that actions speak louder that words ( although words are great), and to physically stand there with Bruce, before all our favourite people, is what mattered the most to me. It all seems silly, given the torture I put myself through to originally hear the words "I love you." By this point in our relationship, "I love you" meant as much as chocolate topping on ice cream. I loved it, and still do. But it has nothing on a warm smile, amazing kiss, or a simple, yet meaningful gesture that shows he listens and cares.
I couldn't pull my eyes away from his. In the three years that I knew him, It wasn't until then that I discovered just how amazing his eyes are. Then I noticed his facial expression change, like he was waiting for something. Everyone looked at me that way.

Oh crap, maybe I should have paid attention.

“I....do..” I said, hoping that was the right moment to say that. He started to smile, knowing that I wasn't listening.
“And do you, Bruce Howard Kulick take Audrey Leanne Moore...”

Oh, I'm distracted again! Wow, his eyes are so brown. And that chin dimple, oh my god...ohh but those eyes. I hope our kid gets his eyes....

“I do," he said, snapping me out of that little trance I was in. I started to smile madly again.

Oh, wow! We just got married!

When he picked up my hand to place the ring on my finger, there was not a single part of my body that did not tingle. It was the weirdest feeling ever. Then I felt like I was going to faint. I wasn't sure if it was the pregnancy, or the fact that I was overwhelmed by marriage, either way I tried my best to remain focused.
“I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!”
He was wearing that cologne that I loved so much. It was all I could think about as he became closer to me. It would have taken a few seconds, but it seemed like a longer moment, when he lifted the veil. I felt all hot, like my body was turning to jelly as his lips touched mine. Then, just like that, I felt strong. Touching him gave me a feeling of security like no other. He became my husband.
I could have stood there for hours sniffing him, which led me to wonder...
What the hell was Bruce Kulick doing marrying a freak like me?

Before our lips separated, in complete contrast to the warmth , a tiny, cold, sensation was felt on my cheek. At first I thought it was a tear, but that would have been warm. Our guests applauded as we finished our unusually quick kiss. Not once taking my eyes away from his, I soon discovered what that cold feeling was.
Rain.
Tiny, tiny drops of rain. It was so beautiful.
Smiling even wider than before, I put my lace covered arms around Bruce's neck and we embraced, all the while as light rain fell. He moved his lips to my ear, there in front of everybody, even his mother, and whispered "Your tits look amazing!"
I looked at him with such surprise, and I'm sure my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe our first words as a married couple were "Your tits look amazing." I had nothing to say to that. I was completely shocked, more so that my boobs were good enough comment on if anything. Knowing I was stumped for a response, he flashed a cocky grin at my bewildered expression.

That simple event was the best possible preview of what our marriage was to be.