Reason to Live

"I don't want anybody tellin' me lies. No, I don't want your diamond ring,'Cause you ain't got my size. I want money, money, that's what I need. I got Cadillac dreams, please mister don'tcha take it from me. Give me money, money, more than I need. I got Cadillac dreams waitin' on me."

I looked up from my magazine and smiled. When Gene sang, it gave me goose bumps. It was a cool and catchy song, lyrically suited to Gene. I couldn't wait to hear it on their record, although being in the same room while Gene sang was quite amazing. The main reason I smiled though, was because each time I heard the word "Cadillac" , I was secure in thinking that I had finally found a name for my baby. Nobody agreed.

Every chance he got, Eric would raise his head up high, and peer over the drum kit. I giggled each time, thinking it was sweet. He felt obliged to check up on me.
That morning I was in a lot of pain. It felt like somebody had continuously stabbed my stomach and back. I tried so hard not to complain, because that issue had already risen. Bruce couldn't wait for the pregnancy to be over any longer than I could. Looking back, I'm sure my whining drove everybody mad.
Two weeks after my due date, I was expected to "pop" at any minute. Doctors kept saying "You'll know when you're ready," but I was so unsure. I'd wake up thinking today is it, and nothing would happen. Life continued baby, or no baby. Bruce spent countless days at home with me, helping me out wherever he could. In the middle of the night, he'd often race out to a 7-Eleven, just to get me a certain candy bar I craved. Usually he'd try to entertain me while I lounged around, writing me songs, or playing "truth or dare." I'd always pick truth, because It was too much of an exercise to get off the couch for a dare. His questions were always about guitars. I cherished every moment I spent with him at home, because I knew there'd be times when I'd be lucky to see him again for another month. Eventually though, he had to leave me.

Bruce was called out to New Jersey, last minute, to re-select the specifications of a custom guitar he was getting built for the next KISS tour. It was a big deal for him, and the band's management as they were planning to pay for any expenses. The hottest band in the world not only needs the hottest guitarist, but the hottest guitar also.
Unfortunately for us, we didn't know about his quick flight plans until we were told upon arriving at studio session that morning. I decided to tag along, expecting a few hours of listening to the guys play while Marie and I talked. But Marie was in New York! A new publishing company wanted to meet with her about a contract for a series of novels.
That left me in the trustworthy hands of a rock n roll band.

"Okay, that's that," Tommy Thayer said, impressed. Tommy's a tall, lanky guy often seen in the studio from time to time. As far as I know, he's a nice guy. Bruce seems to like him at least. Tommy and I have rarely talked, but whenever we do, he always refers to me as "Mrs Bruce." He mostly works for Gene, but on occasion, has his input on the way KISS records albums.
"We good?" Paul confirmed.
"Well... There's more to do, but... Bruce isn't here."
"Then, I'm done!" Eric yelled, quick to take a break.

"Hey man," I smiled, when Eric jumped onto the couch across from where I sat.
"Auddy, Auddy, Aud," he chimed, smashing his hands onto the coffee table.
"Steady now," I said. "Don't wanna break another limb. Or do you always need Marie for that?" I teased.
"Hey!" he shouted. "You're supposed to be the nice, sweet girl that we all love, you don't make fun of me," he said, glaring at me with his soft , brown eyes.
"You broke your leg in bed! How can we not make fun of you?" I giggled.
"Didn't ya break your leg from falling out your apartment window?"
"I sprained my ankle, and I was pushed, ya know?"
"Oh yes, that's right. And you weren't drunk or trying to warn pedestrians of the dangers of crazed horse and cart drivers, were you?" Eric asked, smiling wide.
"You remember that? God," I laughed.
"I'm surprised you remember that!" he chuckled.
"No," I shook my head. " I was pushed."
"Well, in that case, Marie broke my leg," he said with his arms folded. I smirked at him.
"She really did, didn't she?"
He nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "My girl is wild."
"Okay, 'nuff said," I replied, putting the magazine down. "When will she be back anyway?" I asked.
"Tonight. Oh, fuck. I forgot to tell you, Bruce called about an hour ago. He thinks he will be back tonight too."
"Great," I said sarcastically. Eric gave me a sympathetic look.
"You okay?" he asked. I nodded. " You didn't look so good back there," he worried.
"Why, thankyou," I replied.
"No, seriously. Are you okay?" he worried.
"Yeah. I just have a few cramps," I replied, sitting up.
"Aww," he said, leaning over to hug me. “Woah. Audrey, you smell... Weird," he said, looking confused.
"You sure know how to make a girl feel special," I remarked with sarcasm.
“No. You smell like....” he leaned close to me and began to sniff me, which made me giggle. “Bruce? You smell like Bruce!”
“ I really hope you don't sniff him like that. It's a little weird, man," I laughed
“Weird? You're the one wearing your husband's shirt. Audrey, you smell like a man!” he replied.
“Oh....” I wept suddenly, burring my face in my hands.
“Oh, Audrey. I was only joking! Don't cry...”Eric said, worried that he offended me.
“No, no..I'm...”
"You're what? Constipated?" he asked, eyes wide.
"What? No!" I yelled. I clenched my stomach with excruciating pain. Then it just stopped, quicker than it came. Eric watched me closely. "I'm not constipated!" I then fired back at him.
"That was some freaking shit right there! I thought you were gonna..."
"Don't say it, I said pointing. "If you jinx me, Eric, I swear to god I'll..."

One hour later

"...Kill somebody!" I screamed in pain and frustration.
"Aud, calm down, it's okay," Eric said, helping me down the stairs into the car park. “I promised Bruce that I'd take care of you, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do!” he said, determined. I let him pull me along, not too sure what to do. I was worried and stressed, I had no idea what was going on really.
“Ya, know. I could catch a taxi or something, you really should stay here," I tried to reason with him. "Paul and Gene probably haven't finished recording for today."
“Get in the car now!”, he demanded, pointing to his not so beloved Porsche. I didn't argue with him, and got in the car as quickly as a pregnant lady can. He knew I was trying to chicken out of going to hospital. I hoped that the contractions would pass, and I'd go into labour when Bruce returned. Of course, nature doesn't work like that.

“Excited?”, Eric asked as he quickly swerved traffic.
“Anxious would be a better word," I said with quick, sharp breaths.
“No, no. You have to be calm and positive about this, because I'm not, and at least one of us should be," he said, looking directly at me.
“Eric! Watch the road!”, I yelled. He quickly began to concentrate. “I'm calm as long as you don't try to kill me with your insane driving!”
“Audrey, I've seen you drive, you shouldn't talk,"he laughed.
As soon as he pulled up outside the hospital, he rushed over to help me out of the car.
“Ok, let's go," he said in a rush as he slammed the door and put his arm around me.
“Ohhh, no!”, I cried, breaking down in tears.
“What? What? Aud, What's wrong?” he asked, panicked.
“My waters just broke! It feels horrible, this is no fun at all," I whined.
“Thank God that did not happen in my Porsche!”
“It's disgusting! This is horrible,"I complained as I waddled towards the emergency entrance with Eric holding onto me.
“Yeah, the miracle of birth is pretty fucking disgusting," he said. Despite the awkwardness and the pain that I was feeling, I couldn't help but manage a tiny smile at Eric's comment. That was the magic of Eric Carr.

We rushed inside the emergency entrance to the nearest hospital we could find, where Eric announced at the top of his lungs "She's gonna explode!" Our presence was evident to those that had sat in the waiting room, including a man on crutches that jumped in shock, almost losing his balance. They must have thought that I had swallowed a bomb or something. "Eric," I whispered, noticing my embarrassment when my cheeks began to heat up. He started to chuckle when he saw people's reactions.
"Hey, laughter is the best medicine."
"Not when you're giving birth," I muttered, crying in pain.

With the understanding that the hospital was not under attack by terrorists with explosives, the woman behind the desk rushed over to assist me.
"She's in labour?" the woman asked. I nodded.
"Well, I guess you could say that," Eric answered her. I gave him a painful look.
"What's your name darlin'?" she asked me.
"Audrey," I breathed heavily.
"Okay. Audrey, if you just stay relaxed, everything will be alright. My name is Melanie."
"Hey Melanie!" Eric waved with a large smile.
"Er... Hello," she replied, not sure how to take him. "Let's get you to a triage nurse."

Some time later I was in a hospital bed, with the knowledge that I was in labour. No surprises there.
Eric sat next to me, trying to calm me down. "In and out and in and out and in and ..."
"Shut up!" I yelled.
"I'm just trying to help you breathe."
"I know how to breathe," I snapped.
"The main thing is to keep relaxed. Marie was so good at that. The whole time she just cranked Led Zeppelin outta her walkman."
"Do you have a walkman?" I asked.
"No. But hey, I can play something for ya..." I watched as he pulled drumsticks out of his boots.
"Oh, you're as bad as Bruce with guitar picks. Where the fuck is he?" I asked.
"I told ya Aud, his plane left an hour ago. Now check this out!" Eric began to drum wildly on the chair he was sitting on, completely un phased by how horrible I was being, and the fact that a doctor had walked into the room.

“Don't mind him," I said after the doctor introduced himself. Because I was at a random hospital, my usual doctor wasn't available.
"I do believe you are Mrs Kulick?", the doctor asked.
"You bet she's Mrs..." I strongly pointed my finger at Eric.
"Don't you say another word."
"What?" he laughed.
"Now your contractions are just a few minutes apart, is that correct?” the doctor asked. I nodded. A young woman walked in and handed the doctor a clipboard. “Alright. Date of birth... June 1960,"he examined my details that he had before him.
“Yep," I said softly.
I was starting to freak out. I could feel it happening, but it wasn't until a very serious doctor stood before me, listing my personal information that reality hit. I would be leaving hospital as a mother. I'd have a daughter. A tiny, delicate person that relies on me for it's very survival. That type of responsibility was daunting, especially knowing that Bruce was as troubled as I on the issue. I was so terrified that something would go wrong. I worried that the baby could be hurt, or worse, killed. My less depressing paranoia contemplated Bruce never making it on time and missing the whole thing. Then of course there was the natural anxiety expected, knowing that I was heading towards hours of torture and pain. There was no backing down. I had definitely gone too far to chicken out. She would arrive , one way or another. In the words of Marie I would "freak the fuck out."

"Aud...you're okay, aren't you?" Eric asked, not oblivious to my anxiety. I looked directly at him and nodded. He didn't believe me and picked up my hand comfortingly. I smiled as he moved his chair closer to the bed.
"It says here that the father is Bruce Howard Kulick, I assume that is you," the doctor stated, flipping through pages of my details.
“Yes. Yes I am," Eric said quickly. I looked at him shocked.
“Well Mr Kulick, looks like you'll be here for a while. Audrey is only in the Active labour phase and is 6 centimetres dilated." Eric shuddered with that description. "For now it'd be best if you could just be as supportive as possible. Often massages to the lower back, breasts and even thighs can help soothe and relive tension. Partners play an important role in assisting women in pregnancy. Excuse me for a moment, I just need to call your doctor," he said with a smile as he moved towards the door.
“Uh, doc?" Eric asked, stopping him from leaving. "What are the chances of bringing me back a bar of Hershey's?”, Eric asked. He just laughed then left. “Damn! I really wanted one.”
“What the hell are you doing?”, I snapped.
“Aud, you know how much I love chocolate...”
“No. Why did you say that you are Bruce? Are you insane?”
“Because if I'm not your husband, I have to wait out there, just like you did when Marie went through all this. I promised that I'd be here for you, so until Bruce shows up, You're stuck with me."
"You promised? When the hell did you promise? What do you think will happen when Bruce does show up? They won't let him in because as far as they know my husband is right here with me comforting me. And don't you dare touch me either! You betray Marie and I'll kick your hairy little butt!"
"Audrey," Eric laughed. "You are so funny when you tell people off, ya know that right?"
"You think this is a big fucking joke, huh?"
"I'm just fulfilling my duty my love," he smirked.
"What duty?" I yelled.
"Don't you know? My promise to Bruce?"
"Does it look like I know, seriously?"
Eric sighed, then grinned. "On your wedding night, Bruce asked me to promise that if ever something happens to him, that I would be there to make sure you're alright. He's not here, something happened, so if it kills me...or if you do, I will be here regardless, making sure that my best friend's husband and my wife's best friend is okay."
"He made you promise that?" I asked.
"He didn't have to force me or anything. I would have done it anyway. I love you, and I'm not gonna leave you here by yourself," he said with an adorable smile. I stared at him blankly.
“Did you just say that you love me?” I asked, a little worried, because he was so serious, and very rarely is Eric serious.
“Yep. But I didn't mean it like that, no. I love you as a friend, nothing more! Not, that I wouldn't love you, I mean you're gorgeous ...I mean...”
“Eric,"I said smiling. “ I know what you mean.”
“you're like a little sister to me Aud.... except that you're taller than me," he laughed. I reached for his hand and he held it tight, smiling at him as our eyes connected. He had such a warm, comforting glow to his eyes. Whenever somebody asks me if there is a favourite memory of Eric Carr, that moment will always be my answer.