Reason to Live

Having a baby was the best thing that could have happened to me. Not only was I blessed to have an incredible, gorgeous daughter to share with the one person I loved the most, but becoming a mother influenced a positive change to my personality.
Before Cadillac, I was the baby. In my circle of friends, with the exception of Marie, I was the youngest. Often my youth would show when I'd express my confusion about certain events, phrases or tv shows, that existed before I was born. Being seven years younger than Bruce, we grew up very differently. Of course it didn't help being on the opposite side of the equator for most of our lives. Age wasn't the only factor in my "baby" persona, others would love to compare me to. I'm the biggest sook on the planet.
By nature I've always been quiet, soft spoken and shy. That will never change. But now I have somebody that needs me, that depends on me for their survival. She's brought out the best in me. Bruce made me happy, Cadillac made me strong. The amount of confidence I gained is incredible. Those first few years as a mother were the most fun of my life...and people said I'd "settle down."

"Oooh, it's almost eight!" I chimed, reaching for a soft, purple blanket. I never used pink. I knelt down and picked up Cadillac from her bouncer. "It's almost eight O clock sweetie," I cooed, smiling widely at her. She smiled back, waving her arms in the air. She was such a happy baby. "You don't know what I'm saying, do you?" I asked her, walking towards the living room. "Of course not, mummy is talking to herself again, isn't she?" I switched on the tv , then sat down on the couch with Cadillac cradled in my arms. "Guess who will be on tv." Of course I didn't get a reply. "Look! It's Genie!"
KISS were on tv for an interview promoting the upcoming release of their 15th studio album, Hot In The Shade. It was broadcasted live, so I was given instructions to be watching at eight. Gene and Paul talked about the songs, the tour that was to follow and some other random things like their choice of footwear. Finally, Bruce got his chance to talk.


"So Bruce, you've recently become a father I do believe. Congratulations."
"Thank you," he replied, smiling bashfully as he does. "I am a father, a very proud father. My incredible wife Audrey, most of you know, she's a guitarist also, her and I are proud parents of a beautiful three month old little girl named Cadillac." The audience applauded while Eric, Paul and Gene smiled, probably hearing this for the billionth time. "Both Audrey and Cadillac are watching from home...I hope," Bruce laughed, waving at the camera.

"Look! It's Daddy!" I said, pointing to the tv.


"Cadillac?" the interviewer asked. " I know a few ol' greasers named after used car lots, but never anybody with a name of an actual car. At least not Cadillac."
"Yeah," Bruce chuckled. "It is an odd name, I'll be the first to admit. We actually call her Caddie for short."
"You know..." Gene interrupted. "Cadillacs are fine quality cars. The saying goes 'It's the Cadillac of cars' ,meaning that something is of really high quality. Well, Bruce's baby is the Cadillac of people . " Bruce laughed at Gene's comment.
"They are a fine ride too, Cadillacs..." Paul smirked.

"Oh Paul!" I laughed, shocked as I watched at home.


"Boys will be lining up when she's older Bruce, you better watch out," Paul joked.
"Well if she looks anything like her mother, I'm sure of it," Bruce smiled, not at all offended by the jokes.
"It's okay, Bruce is a huge baseball fan. Right Bruce?" Eric joined in. "He has a great collection of bats to scare off the boys."
"Speaking of baseball..." the interviewer changed the subject.

The phone began to ring, dragging me away from the interview. I picked up our week old, cordless handset, sitting on the coffee table, and took the call. It took little convincing to throw out my old phone from 1968 and replace it with the latest technology. Cordless. That meant I could talk on the phone while I was in the bathroom, something I never did, but used as an excuse to get out of annoying conversations.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Who dressed your husband? A blind art class?"
"Debbie!" I screeched. "I picked out those clothes for him!"
"Are you fucking nuts? "
"No, and I'm kidding. I have no idea who got him to wear that, but he hates that colour, so I'm guessing he didn't choose that shirt for himself."
"Anyway, can you talk, or do you want to watch the rest?"
"They're just showing clips now, right?"
"Yeah, seems so."
"Okay, Deb. I'm all yours."
"Holly wants to meet up for breakfast tomorrow, at my favourite café. She has some things to discuss."
"Some things?"
"Yeah. It's about the band."
"Sure. Bruce's parents are staying with us for the week, so they wouldn't mind keeping an eye on Caddie I'm sure for a few hours."
"Awesome. We'll meet you there about nine?"
"Sure."
"Okay, well I better go in case your boyfriend decides to be on television some more," Debbie said, using the word "boyfriend" with a mocking tone. "See you tomorrow Aud."
"Later," I replied, hanging up the phone.

The next morning...

“C'mon guys this is insane," I said sipping on my cappuccino.
“I knew this would happen," , Holly said sadly to Debbie. I thought they just wanted to have breakfast with me to catch up, I wasn't expecting this.
“Look, Audrey. I just don't see it working ," Debbie tried to explain.
“Well, not with that attitude. This is too good to just throw away! This band has to carry on, we can't just end it all now," I argued.
“We've had some great times, but I think it's time to move on Aud. Deb and I are busy, and now you've got a baby and a husband...”
“This is the first amazing thing that has happened to me. Before the band, my life sucked, all our lives sucked. But look at us now! Holly, you're kickin' ass with your very own magazine, and Deb you've got Dave, you're modelling ... I'm married to the lead guitarist of KISS! Can't you see that none of this would have happened if it wasn't for Crypteia!”
“That's true, but we're all so busy...”
“Holly, we'll make time for it!”
“Audrey, your daughter is three months old! Bruce will be touring soon enough, how will you find time?”, Debbie asked.
“I will okay. Please, there's so much we are yet to achieve.”
“Billie's gone as far as we can tell, nobody's heard from her since your wedding, so I guess we don't have a bassist.”
“I'll find one! I'll do whatever it takes," I promised.
“Fine. If you can find a decent replacement for Billie by Friday, then we'll give it one more shot.”, Debbie finally agreed.
“Oh, thankyou!”, I said, hugging them both. “I promise I won't let you down!”

That night, no matter how hard I tried, I just could not sleep. I started to get cold, mostly because Bruce had all the blankets rolled around himself. So I decided to check that Cadillac was warm enough. I didn't want my baby getting sick.
She was sleeping so peacefully which was a relief, although I wished I could be doing the same.
“Babe, what are you doin?”, Bruce whispered, sounding very tired.
“Oh, Bruce. Did I wake you?”, I asked.
“Nah, I was never asleep. Come back to bed," he said, dragging me away from the crib.
"Alright," I agreed.
Once we were back in bed he pulled me close to him, wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. “Are you still stressing?”, he asked. I nodded. “This band of yours really means a lot to you doesn't it?”
“Yeah. I don't expect anyone to understand. It's just... I became a whole new person when we formed it, for the first time in my life I was happy being me. It's silly, I know. And they're probably right, I really should focus on my family. I just don't wanna be an average housewife, I want more. I have the man, the car, the house, the baby... I need the excitement though. I've gotta perform, I need to write songs, and be on stage, that's who I am!”
He kissed me, probably so I wouldn't make another speech. I talk too much when something upsets me. “I understand ,"he said, running his fingers through my hair. “There's no way you'll ever be an average housewife either, I won't let that happen. Besides, you're too weird to be average." I kicked him and he laughed. " I'll help you find someone to play bass. If all fails, I'll even do it if that's what it'll take. Don't worry.”
“Thanks,"I said closing my eyes, finally relaxed. Then Cadillac started crying. “I guess I won't be sleeping tonight," I said, rolling out of bed.
“Well, that's okay. There's a lot we can do while you're awake.”, he smiled.