You Spurn My Natural Emotions

[Peyton]

Christmas Day. The day where families get together and celebrate the joy that is life. Well, up until recently, Trinity and I only had each other, but this year was a little different. While Matt and Zacky each went to their separate family homes, and Jimmy went to Leana’s parents and Brian took Michelle to his parents’ house, Trinity and I went with Johnny and Alexis to Johnny’s parents’ house. Our mom’s house. This was the first time that we met Johnny’s dad, which was a little awkward at first, but we all got over it pretty quickly once the brandy came out. He’s a good guy. Nancy deserves a man like that. Anyway, we all had dinner and opened presents (which was fucking weird – we haven’t done this since before our dad died when we were 8!) and then Matt called.

Which leads us to where we are this afternoon and evening.

We’re all sitting on the private area of beach that Matt, Brian and Johnny’s house back onto, the only other people on it being a long way off. Michelle and Leana are here too, which is pretty awesome. Brian and Michelle definitely have a connection, it’s obvious when they look at each other and smile, so I’m glad they got back together. And Leana and Jimmy are just crazy motherfuckers, so that’s awesome too. Alexis is sitting between Johnny’s legs while he has his arms around her, the two of them having their own private conversation. They’re really too cute for words. And Trinity and I? Well, Trinity’s sitting between Brian and Zacky, debating with the both of them about which sex toys are best (yeah, I wouldn’t ask how that topic came up) while I’m sitting with Matt the other side of Zacky. We’re just talking, drinking and admiring what will soon be the sunset. I couldn’t ask for a better Christmas Day.

Matt’s been very quiet today though, which is a bit strange, but I’m not going to question it. I’m sure he’ll tell me when he’s ready. If not, then so what? It’s his fucking mind, not mine.

“Hey Peyton, can I talk to you about something? In private?” Matt suddenly murmured.

Or maybe not.

“Uh, sure?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

When Matt started to stand up, I was even more confused. What was so important that he couldn’t talk to me in front of our friends? But I might as well go along with it. What have I got to lose? I took his hand and started to walk up to his house with him, which everyone noticed. They cheered and cat-called, which only made me roll my eyes. And there I was thinking they wouldn’t see us.

“USE PROTECTION!” Brian yelled.

“YEAH, I DON’T WANT MINI-HULKS RUNNING AROUND!” Trinity yelled too.

I rolled my eyes as Trinity and Brian high-fived, smiling as Zacky pulled her in for a kiss after. I’m glad Trinity’s finally found someone who can put up with all her shit as well as give it back tenfold. They’re perfect for each other. Just like Matt and I are. We got inside the house and stood in the kitchen facing each other. What’s going on?

“I want to ask you something,” Matt announced softly, taking both my hands in his.

“Okay?” I frowned.

What’s he playing at?

“I…I really love you, Peyton. More than I’ve loved anyone before. I know we’ve only known each other for nine months, and we’ve only been dating for 7 months, but…I want to take us further. I want you to move in with me,” Matt said with a smile.

“W-What?” I choked.

Did I just hear what I think I heard?

“I want you to move in with me. I found an amazing house further down the beach that would be perfect for just the two of us, and I’ve put it on hold so you can look at it before I buy it. I want to take us to the next level, Peyton. Will you move in with me?” Matt asked.

Move in? MOVE IN?! Woah. Woah. I…shit, moving in would make everything more serious than I’ve ever had before. Way more serious. And moving in would mean not living with Trinity. I can’t be without my sister! I don’t care if we’re in our 20s now – we’ve always lived together. I never made any plans to not live with my sister, and thinking about it now just makes me want to be sick. I thought I could handle this. The serious adult relationship with a guy that’s already been engaged before. Matt is the type of guy that wants to settle down, and…I’m not.

I can’t believe it. It only took one question to make me remember who I am. Who was I kidding trying to lead a normal life? Moving in with Matt is one step away from being with his forever – and I can’t do that. Oh God! Matt’s grin faltered when he saw my expression flinch, but if only he could feel the pain that’s spreading across my chest. Shit.

“Well?” Matt prompted, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I looked up into those eager hazel eyes, and I knew what my answer was.

“N-No,”