Vision

It was a new week at Off Beat. A fresh start for Gabe and I. After our date, I scurried home and lied in bed for a good hour thinking about what had gone on between us. Never had I done that with man, especially on a first date.

We had been so close. We were on each other and clothed. Gabe had been right above me and causing me to move about and mumble incoherencies. It was so much pressure from his body against mine, but I hadn’t minded. I didn’t mind at all. I let him in.

“Buenos días, Memo,” Gabe’s happy voice said, brightening the room. His outfit was a bright green for the day. His smile was so big on his face. “¿Comó estás hoy?”

“I’m f-fine?” I questioned in answer. I still needed to work on my Spanish.

Gabe walked over to me and kissed my cheek. “That’s good to hear. I was afraid you’d have another attack or something,” he said, wrapping his arms around my middle. “I really enjoyed it.”

I looked down to hide my flaming cheeks. The man knew how to say the right things to me on a Monday morning. He was even holding me close and causing my mind to blur. “I enjoyed it too,” I whispered.

“You always hide away from me when you’re being cute. I don’t like that at all, Guillermo. Let me look at you,” he spoke into my ear with a warm breath. Gabe’s hands were rubbing my lower back slowly. He was all warmth and comfort.

Looking up, I saw Gabe’s smile. I was so close to him and just feeling loved. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong.

“That’s better,” he stated. “A pretty face like yours shouldn’t hide away.” He pecked my forehead and pulled away from me. Gabe walked off to start doing inventory.

I spun around to speak with him. “C-can we go to lunch today?”

“Of course we can,” he replied.

The bell on the front door rang and in walked a face I’d never seen before. A customer had arrived. The girl who had walked in was of average height with brown hair. She was very stylish and worldly looking. Her eyes flitted over to me and she smiled.

“Hello,” I greet her. “Looking for anything in particular?”

She shook her head. “I think I can find it.” The girl took off to one of the furthest aisles.

I sat on my stool and leaned onto the yellow counter. The band needed to practice again. We’d been holding off since my attack startled everyone. Yet, I wanted to get back to practice. I missed my microphone. I missed control over my stutter.

Watching the girl, I questioned as to how most men would find her attractive. She was indeed pretty, but it was too much to work with. It must have been a hardship for most men. Women had so much more. They were complex and a man would have to find a way to manage to handle all of that. What would happen in bed? A man couldn’t possibly have enough hands to do everything.

I was mind boggled.

A man was simply easier to work with. One had enough hands to control it all. Gabe, for instance, would be easy to handle. Two hands can get the job done. There’s nothing extra, just a lean body with one part to focus on. The male anatomy was easier and just more appealing.

“Guillermo, I think we don’t need to stock up for a very long time,” Gabe commented, walking out of the back of the store and coming by me. “We’re filled to the brim with all sorts of music and random things.” He hummed a bit. “Your choice for lunch today,” he thought aloud. “They have to make good salads though.”

I looked over to him. The man was simple. He was tall and lean. When intimate, I would only have one part to focus on. Eying Gabe up, I just thought about how nice it would be. To be close with him would be so pleasant.

“Deal,” I said to him. “Yet, why go veggie? Isn’t necessary to have protein?”

Gabe maneuvered himself behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle again. We swayed for a moment, as if Gabe had a song playing in his mind. “There’s other ways of getting it and it kills me inside to see dead animals, let alone eat them.”

I hummed. “I never thought about it that way. Yet, that explains why you’re so boney.”

“Got a problem with my bones?” Gabe asked in a joking manner.

“Yes, they poke every time you touch me and I’m not some poking toy,” I joked back.

Gabe’s hands slid up inside my shirt. “You’re pretty boney yourself.”

The sound of shoes approaching ripped me away from Gabe. It was the girl who looked worldly. She was carrying about three records in her hand and a satisfied smile was on her face. I readied myself by the register.

“Find everything you were looking for?” I asked her, as she handed me the records.

She nodded and began digging through her purse.

Gabe took a large intake of breath. “You’re that girl Ry was talking about!”

The girl looked up at Gabe with a funny look. “Excuse me?” she asked. The poor girl looked completely confused.

“Ryland, tall, awkward, tends to speak in a British accent,” Gabe described. He was still behind me and holding on.

“The creep that was hitting on me? Him?!” she questioned, suddenly realizing who Gabe was talking about. She took a step back from the counter.

“Don’t hate on my boy. He’s not good with ladies. That’s more my expertise,” Gabe explained.

“Well, when you see him tell him I’m not interested. I don’t need a man at the moment. I just like to go out and have a good time.” Her arm extended and handed me the money to pay for the records.

I quickly took the money and placed it in the register. I wasn’t sure what to say to all of this, so I quickly handed her the change I owed her.

“Give the man a chance at least,” Gabe said to her. “He’s odd at first, but you grow to love him.”

She turned around and began to walk. “Once again, I don’t need a man.” Then she was out the door.

“What a firecracker she is. No wonder Ryland has a thing for her. She has curves and can hold her own,” he commented once the bell on the door stopped ringing. His arms were once again around my middle. “I’m sure you have curves too, my dear.” He kissed my cheek.

Shaking my head, I wondered. “I still don’t understand this female thing. It’s too complicated.”

Gabe laughed. “What’s so complicated?”

“Well, you have so much to work with. Clearly, you don’t have enough hands for that.”

He laughed again. “Memo, you’re funny! You go one place at a time until you make her scream.”

I shuddered. “But it takes too much thought, doesn’t it? Handling all of that in bed must be a pain.”

“That’s if you focus on her and not yourself. You really don’t know this?”

“I like men, Gabe. Clearly, I don’t this,” I somewhat hissed at him.

“Hey! Don’t get pissy with me because you don’t know. I’m just mildly amused by your lack of knowledge of females.”

I broke from his grasp. “Then don’t laugh at me! I already get laughed at for enough, Gabe.”

Taking my hand, Gabe kissed the inside of my left wrist. “Please don’t be this way with me.”

“Then don’t fucking laugh.” I wasn’t so much as angry with Gabe. I was more angry with myself for not knowing, resulting in Gabe laughing at me. Laughter was one of my biggest weaknesses. It shot my comfort level down tremendously.

Walking away, I headed for the back to calm down. I slumped into a corner and covered my ears. It was moments like these that always pushed people away. The times I needed to go off and be alone always sent the wrong signal.

One of the very few people who knew to leave me was Adam He always got it on the first try. I would never look at him in a romantic way because he was just more of a brother to me. It would cross too many lines and risk too many years of good times. That and I was pretty sure that Adam liked women.

My mind wandered for a while. Gabe was a good man, but at times he just was too much. He was so ahead of me in the idea of relationships. Also, he could have his pick of anyone. Yet, he chose me as his victim. He somewhat tried to get me into bed, but didn’t. He was a confusing man.

That was it. I needed to get away from him for a while, even if it was a few nights. I needed band practice. After work, I was going to call up the boys. I wanted control over my life again.