Whenever You're Alone (Doesn't Mean That Love's Not Here)
whenever you're alone
'I’m just sick of this,' he explodes. 'I’m sick of this Shane, sick and tired of it,'
'This? What is this? Us?'
'All I ever want to be is happy Shay,' he whispers. 'It seems like everything goes okay with you and something else fucks up. I don't want it to fuck up with you, you're just...oh fuck's sake I can't do this.'
Nicky throws his hands up before muttering that he has to get out of here and he leaves, the door slamming behind him.
Shane, for the first time in a long time, doesn't know what to do. Ever since Nikki’s passing, Nicky has been so fragile and vulnerable that Shane doesn't know how to handle him. It’s hard - he loves Nicky more than anything - but when he's being pushed away it's hard. He wants to help and he wants to make Nicky's heart stop hurting but he doesn't know how too.
They’ve always been one person. Like you don’t get Shane without Nicky or Nicky without Shane.
And sometimes you can’t quite tell where one ends and the other begins - their smooth and perfect skin blends into a smooth and perfectly peach landscape. And it's hard to see where they end because they’re just Shane and Nicky, but it feels weird right now.
Shane paces their living room for a while, staring at his phone. He picks it up and dials nicky's number, his tummy squeezing horribly as he hears the keys being played back to him. Nicky picks up but there’s silence on the end of the line.
'I know you're probably hurting Nix,' Shane begins to say anyway. 'I know you are and it hurts me just as much because I don't know how to fix you. I want to fix you more than anything does because I want my lovely Nix back. Tell me how to Nicky, I’ll do anything for you.'
Nicky inhales and tears prickle his eyes. He doesn't want to alienate himself. Shane has done more than he thinks - he's stopped Nicky from falling down the hole he's dug for himself and he couldn't be more thankful. He just doesn't know how to say it - losing his dad has desensitised him for too much and all he wants to be is human.
'Just love me,' is all Nicky can muster. 'Just love me and I’ll be okay Shay.'
Shane gasps a little. 'Oh Nix, come home,' and Nicky does.
The doorbell rings around half an hour later. 'I love you,' Nicky whimpers against the doorframe. Shane looks him up and down - he's soaked from the summer showers that burst from the sky and he's shivering and he's beautiful. He's everything he could ever need and Shane decides In that moment he'd stop at nothing to protect Nicky.
'Come on,' he says softly and when he gathers Nicky up in his arms, shuts the door and holds him as he shakes with tears, everything slot backs into place.
'This? What is this? Us?'
'All I ever want to be is happy Shay,' he whispers. 'It seems like everything goes okay with you and something else fucks up. I don't want it to fuck up with you, you're just...oh fuck's sake I can't do this.'
Nicky throws his hands up before muttering that he has to get out of here and he leaves, the door slamming behind him.
Shane, for the first time in a long time, doesn't know what to do. Ever since Nikki’s passing, Nicky has been so fragile and vulnerable that Shane doesn't know how to handle him. It’s hard - he loves Nicky more than anything - but when he's being pushed away it's hard. He wants to help and he wants to make Nicky's heart stop hurting but he doesn't know how too.
They’ve always been one person. Like you don’t get Shane without Nicky or Nicky without Shane.
And sometimes you can’t quite tell where one ends and the other begins - their smooth and perfect skin blends into a smooth and perfectly peach landscape. And it's hard to see where they end because they’re just Shane and Nicky, but it feels weird right now.
Shane paces their living room for a while, staring at his phone. He picks it up and dials nicky's number, his tummy squeezing horribly as he hears the keys being played back to him. Nicky picks up but there’s silence on the end of the line.
'I know you're probably hurting Nix,' Shane begins to say anyway. 'I know you are and it hurts me just as much because I don't know how to fix you. I want to fix you more than anything does because I want my lovely Nix back. Tell me how to Nicky, I’ll do anything for you.'
Nicky inhales and tears prickle his eyes. He doesn't want to alienate himself. Shane has done more than he thinks - he's stopped Nicky from falling down the hole he's dug for himself and he couldn't be more thankful. He just doesn't know how to say it - losing his dad has desensitised him for too much and all he wants to be is human.
'Just love me,' is all Nicky can muster. 'Just love me and I’ll be okay Shay.'
Shane gasps a little. 'Oh Nix, come home,' and Nicky does.
The doorbell rings around half an hour later. 'I love you,' Nicky whimpers against the doorframe. Shane looks him up and down - he's soaked from the summer showers that burst from the sky and he's shivering and he's beautiful. He's everything he could ever need and Shane decides In that moment he'd stop at nothing to protect Nicky.
'Come on,' he says softly and when he gathers Nicky up in his arms, shuts the door and holds him as he shakes with tears, everything slot backs into place.