It's Time to Forget, but I'll Always Remember

“Sure Capper. Bye” he said huskily as I walked out the front door.

What. The. FUCK?

I can’t believe I just did that. I’ve never shown anyone those scars before and there I was, parading myself around!

Oh, like that was the worst of my worries.

I kissed him! I fucking kissed him! And the part that was getting me most worked up was that I actually made him do it! I didn’t have to do that but no! It was like I couldn’t even control my body, like my head was just taking over and not letting me listen to my common sense!

Ha. What common sense?

Okay, okay; I kissed him, sure. But the thing was…I actually liked it.

Of course I’ll never let him know that but I was a terrible liar. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t believe that it was a “test”. And then who was that that walked in?

His dad? No; he told me him mum and dad…well yeah.

So if he’s fostered then why would there be two men in the hou-.

…

…

SHIT

Does that mean that they’re…and then one of them saw us…aw crap. Well this was just great wasn’t it? For some reason them being gay kind of made me feel worse. Don’t know why though.

A fine mess I’ve gotten myself in to again. Why can’t I just think things through before acting? Well I can’t can I? Because I’m just a thick little moron, that’s why.

I sighed as I walked down the driveway, head hung in shame.

I turned to the left and stuck my hands in my pocket, walking down the path back to my house. I had barely walked a few feet when I instantly stopped and turned around as I heard someone address me.

“Oi! Crapper! What the fuck are you doing here?”

Shit. I recognised that voice from earlier today…when I was being beaten to a pulp on the floor.

I shot Grelle a glare as he walked up to me. He was only an inch or so taller than me but that didn’t stop him from feeling like a giant. I was a tall lad myself so seeing someone bigger than me was always strange.

“Nothing” I snarled.

“Don’t give me that crap! I just saw you walking out of my freakin’ house!” he snapped.

How could brothers be so different?

“I was walking Cadence home” I admitted, hoping that’d be enough of an answer so he’d just let me go.

He gave me an odd look before grabbing the front of my shirt roughly and bringing me inches from his face.

“Just stay the hell away from my brother or next time I won’t go so easy on you” He growled.

Easy? He’d gone easy on me? Jesus Christ I’d hate to be the guy that had really pissed him off. Though he seemed pretty hacked off already, I wouldn’t want to see him at his breaking point.

I frowned at him, not showing any emotion; it would be a sign of weakness, and stumbled a few steps as he forcefully pushed me away and continued to walk up the drive as if nothing happened. He still seemed angry so I was glad I wasn’t Cadence, having to cope with that must be difficult.

I straightened my shirt out and noticed the crumples he’d left in it. He must have been gripping it pretty damn tightly to make marks like that. I grumbled to myself as I began to walk again.

I shrugged it off; he might be intimidating but that’s not going to make me scared of himeven though I was actually petrified.

And like hell I was staying away from Cadence! He’s the one guy who’s stuck by me even after that first day when I was about the beat the crap out of him.

After Grelle had got me the first time my “friends” started to drift. It’s like they were only with me for protection…bastards.

And earlier today they didn’t even help me! They just stood by and fucking watched!

Maybe that just proved what kind of people they were: lying, cheating wankers.

I sighed as I thought about it. I’ve always been the one to cause trouble, always been the one getting yelled at by the teachers, always been the one making things worse for myself and other people. I should stop relying on my popularity status and start thinking about things that really matter.

…

Na.

Life’s for living right? And I’m gonna make sure I live it to the fucking full! But I should stop causing problems for others; that’s how I make others hate me.

XXX

I opened the old, stained door after noticing it wasn’t locked…again.

“Mum!” I shouted. “I’m home!”

No reply. Figures.

I shut the door behind me and made my way up the stairs and in to my bedroom. Walking in I sighed. My room wasn’t as nearly as big as Cadence’s.

I slipped my bag off my shoulder and heard it as it landed on to the floor with a loud “thump”.

“Baby?... C-capper! Is that you?” I heard a slurred screechy voice coming from outside the landing.

Oh great, she was drunk again.

I opened the door and stepped out, helping her steady herself.

“How was your day at school?” she giggled.

“Fine mum” I groaned “Do you need to go back to bed?”

“…huh? B-bed? Why would you suggest thuch a thing you sick bastard?” she garbled.

I moaned slightly before watching her stumble back to her room. How the hell could dad live with such a woman? They were complete opposites!

I mean, when they were drunk they both acted like little kids but with regards to everything else, they couldn’t be more different.

I mean; they did love each other, I could see that, but the constant rowing over how much money my mum spent on booze and that she was draining all of his hard earned money was getting a bit tedious. My older brother had always taken care of me and my mum since…the incident.

I adored him, he had been my role model when I was little but after I lost my dad I started to do things to get attention. Sometimes I think it’s to get the attention that my dad would have shown me if he were still here.

After he passed away my brother had looked for jobs furiously until he found one with enough pay. It was a very successful business and although it wasn’t enough to afford any luxury items it was enough for us to live.

He said that one of the higher ranking workmen, Sabby or Sebby or something, was very understanding of our situation so he let us off when there were emergencies. Although I’ve never actually seen him, he sounds nice.

I wish my mum would contribute something towards our living needs.

I heaved another long sigh as I slumped on to my bed, lifting my shirt slightly as I felt the jagged lines on my chest with the tip of my hand.

To be honest, I don’t know why I did it. I mean, I didn’t do it all at once but even so, it was a pretty stupid thing to do. I should be happy with what I have. My brother works so hard for me and mum and we should be grateful.

It was just that life was kind of getting to me. I’d already been labelled a failure so I didn’t see the harm in screwing myself up even more.

Though it was kind of nice to know I wasn’t the only one that did stuff like that. I’d already seen Cadence’s arms and he told me he did it himself.

Even though I’d done it to myself the thought of him doing it really scared me but I wasn’t sure why. I mean, I wouldn’t want to lose him…but only because he’s the first real friend I ever had. The fact that I kissed him had nothing to do with it.

But the fact that he kissed me back made me feel odd. What made me want to do it? I still don’t understand. So after that kiss then I know that he’s gay but seeing as I was the one “testing” him does that make me…?