It's Time to Forget, but I'll Always Remember

I had to be careful. Sneaking out of school was usually quite easy, I do it all the time, but today there just so happens to be visitors and the head teacher is showing them around school. He’d wonder what I was doing out of class and get angry with me because I was roaming around in the corridors and I’d get in trouble for embarrassing him in front of the visitors and that would probably land me in detention and that would mean I’d have to stay in school for longer and that could result in me bumping into Capper again and that would mean I’d probably get the shit beaten out of me again and that would make me even more depressed. Breath, Cadence, breath. I’d been forgetting to do that quite a lot lately…weird huh?

I peeked out of the toilets to see if the coast was clear; it’d been around 10 minutes since the bell went so most people should be in class by now. I pushed the door open slightly and squeezed my body through the tiny gap. Don’t know why I didn’t open it the full way to be honest; would’ve been much easier.

I checked again that there were no teachers strolling down the corridors and did my best to try to walk fast without having anyone in the passing classes notice me. Just a few more feet now and freedom! I stepped outside into the warm, summer air and sighed; I’d made it. But there were windows from classes that looked down into the yard so I had to be careful and try my best to make sure that I was as illusive as possible. I kept to the shaded area in the bushes and I was happy that this was a non-uniform school; my black clothes made it almost impossible to spot me in the shadows.

I came to the last gate on the east side of the school and smiled as I recognized the bent post on it. Someone had damaged it before I came here but on my many escapes from this ghastly prison I had been lucky enough come across it. I stuck my right leg through the small hole and slipped through until my waist was level with the gate. I sucked in a deep breath and managed to slide my abdomen and chest through with a little difficulty. This task would be almost impossible for anyone with an average sized body but I was unusually thin; not anorexic, and very flexible so I was able to position my body in just the right angles making it easier to get through.

As soon as I was through I ran into the small wooded area behind the school until I was sure no one could see me. I heaved a huge sigh of relief and leant my back against a tall oak before slumping onto the ground, bringing my knees up to me chest and wrapping my arms around them; being in this position always helped me relax, not quite sure why. I suppose because it was a defensive position which made me feel safe and secure.

I rested my head on my arms and closed my eyes; today had turned out crappy already.
First I’d had my bag stolen which meant I couldn’t eat my lunch. I never bought anything from the canteen because I was scared people would start picking on me as soon as I set foot in there like they usually do. It also meant I got in trouble every lesson so far for not having my books even though I explained to them why. I’m sure all the teachers in this school hated me, not that it mattered much. Everyone else does so it wouldn’t make much of a difference.

Nexton the list of the person who was sent to forever punish me for the rest of my miserable life, I dropped my bus pass somewhere around school, which meant I was going to have to walk, I couldn’t get the public bus home seeing as I didn’t have any money on me. That was going to be a long walk home, around 40 minutes I presume. I couldn’t walk for that long! My skinny body meant that I had no muscles and, therefore, no stamina whatsoever! But it can’t be helped.

I suppose the only other option would be that I call for Ciel or Sebastian to pick me up. Wait, I’m bunking so I wouldn’t be able to use the school phone and mine is out of credit. Today sure is my lucky day isn’t it? Although I kind of already knew I wasn’t going to ask them to pick me up in a public place; they’d probably kiss or hold hands.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against homosexuality. It’s just that it would give people more of a reason to hate or bully me and right now, that’s the last thing I need. I kind of feel bad when we all go out together; me and Grelle walk fairly far behind them, like we don’t want to be seen with them. It makes me feel worse when I think about the fact that they took us into their lives and yet we act as if we don’t know them in public.

I should explain that after the accident with our parents me and Grelle were put into a care home. And might I add that it was the worst time of my life. Morning until evening we were either doing chores, learning or having sessions where we would have to talk about our past. They said that talking about it would make me feel better and she didn’t even get the message when I told her that was bullshit; the only thing that did was gain me more chores. Every session they would just ask us questions it and Grelle would have to answer them whilst I started choking up and bursting into tears. And yet they thought that it made me feel better? They had absolutely no clue how to handle children and the day I got out of there was one of the happiest day of my life. That wasn’t really saying much seeing as I hadn’t really had that many joyful things happen in my life.

Ever since the day I came out from care I had always been the loner. The outcast. The emo. I found myself hurting and cutting myself out of anger of what had happened in the past. I would do anything just to trade places with someone for a day. Just a glimpse of how a normal persons’ life would be like.

I just need a break from this life.