It's Time to Forget, but I'll Always Remember

Cadence’s P.O.V

All I could do was stare silently at the floor. I didn’t really know what to say. I thought I could trust Sebastian and he told me himself that he would make sure that he wouldn’t tell Grelle but without answering the question directly it was obvious that he knew.

The older man raised his arm and placed it on my shoulder gently but I shook it off as soon as he made contact. I didn’t want to be near him right now.

I couldn’t be here; not now all of them know.

“Can I leave now?” I asked, almost silently and avoiding his eyes. Instead I stared blankly at my feet.

He moved his hand away gradually and with a compressed sigh he nodded his head. I was grateful that he wasn’t making me stay but to be honest it was all his fault I didn’t want to be here in the first place.

He watched me as I walked back in to the kitchen silently. I saw it out of the corner of my eye when Grelle and Ciel exchanged a questioning glance with Sebastian but still, the deadly silence remained. Walking past them and in to the living room I picked my bag up from where I’d slung it the night before...when Capper came round.

That weird feeling sprang back in to my stomach as I remembered but I couldn’t think of that now; I had to concentrate on just getting out. I was about to walk out the door but cursed myself when I realised I had P.E today and ran quickly upstairs to retrieve my kit. As soon as I’d got it I was back downstairs and as good as gone.

I heaved a huge sigh of relief as I slammed the door firmly shut, almost as if to make sure I was out. Although the morning hadn’t gone too well I felt instantly better now knowing that I wasn’t with them anymore.

It was warm this morning and I was quite glad, it’s been pretty cold seeing as it was quite soon after the start of the school year. It was around October now, and seeing as I joined late it kind of made everything a mess for me in school. Especially seeing as this year was one of the most important in my studies. Though I suppose studying didn’t matter much, I usually fail...just like everything else in life.

Realising that I was probably going to be early for school if I started walking I decided to take a little detour from my usual route. It was just a little park that I passed regularly and there were barely any kids there.

Deciding that now would be as good a time as any to start getting my thoughts out straight I opened the green rusty gate, paint faded from years or neglect from the council. All the floor consisted of was dirt and bark, the lush emerald grass long gone. I sort of felt at home in this place. It was abandoned and forgotten...sort of like me don’t you think?

Spotting a brick red swing I decided to take a little weight off and sit.

Slowly walking up to it I roughly threw my bag and P.E kit on the floor; they only reminded me that I had to go to school.

I felt the entire frame of the swing shift as I sat on it, obviously struggling with the new added weight but after a moment it settled and seemed to hold. I sat childishly and began to swing my legs back and forth (which was one of the diminutive perks of being so small) as I let my mind wander.

Not surprisingly, the first thing that came to my mind was Capper. Did he mean that kiss last night? I mean, I wouldn’t be shocked if he was just messing with me; twisting my emotions to turn me in to more of a nervous wreck.

...Then again, he didn’t seem like that kind of person any more. Sure when I first met him we didn’t start out to great but now I get the feeling that he genuinely cares about me...as odd as that may seem.

”I want to know you’re being looked after properly”

It rang clearly in my mind and in all honesty, it confused me as hell.

What did that even mean? He barely knew me and he wanted to see how I was at home?

Perhaps it could be something to do with what he was going through when he used to cut himself. Maybe he wanted to check up on me and make sure I wasn’t going through something like he did. Though; both had a parent or both of them killed and both cut meant that we were pretty similar, even if it was in extreme ways.

I know it may sound weird but even though I’ve lost my parents I feel sorry for Capper losing his dad. I mean, he hasn’t mentioned that he has any older sibling but then again he’s not the type to share that kind of thing, could be too close to home and I could understand if he didn’t want to talk about it. It can be suffocating when people are asking you about things all the time. Maybe we don’t freaking talk about it for a reason! Being in care was one of the most dull and emotionally scarring time of my life. They think they’re helping, but really they’re just nagging.

“What do we have here then?”

I looked up, shocked actually, that I’d been so engrossed in my thoughts I hadn’t even noticed the 3 boys coming in to the park. They looked around 16-17 and in all honesty as soon as I saw them they had the word “scumbags” written all over them. I knew the drill here:

Defenceless guy sitting on his own.

Gang walk past and see it as an opportunity.

A ”difference of opinion” is thrown about.

Someone ends up lying on the floor.

Oh great, just what I need.

I remained silent as the other two joined the leader that was currently stood in front of me, looking down through his threatening eyes. They were all in, what I assumed were, school uniforms too and had obviously took this as a quick chance of gaining more street credit before they faced another day of school.

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing all on your own out here” One of them asked intimidating.

“Thinking” I replied blankly. There was no point even trying and I was used to it; I just wanted to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

“Oh yeah?” He asked.

Well I just said you pathetic excuse of a human being.

“About what?” he finished, leaning against the frame of the swing and causing it to shift slightly.

“Nothing.”

Why didn’t they just hurry up?

They all started to shuffle closer, enclosing me in a small, claustrophobic circle, making it impossible for me to escape. Not that I’d try anyway.

“Problem, boys?” Another familiar voice rang from a little distance away.

All three turned around to see the much taller Capper standing a short distance away and glaring at them menacingly.

I have to say that in this particular instance I was more glad than usual to see him. Although I did kind of feel weird seeing him again after yesterday but still, he was my knight in shining armour...wow that was cheesy.

The seemingly “hard” group before suddenly looked slightly fazed by the new arrival and I could see them tensing up...ha.

“No” The seemingly more willing of the three said after a moment’s pause “We were just going actually” he finished nonchalantly.

With that he walked towards the gate which lead not after forcefully and purposefully ramming shoulders with Capper as he walked past. Usually Capper would have gone completely sick at him, but this time seemed to shrug it off as the other two, now more timid, walked past him, leaving swiftly as they arrived.

Okay...what the hell? Why would Capper do something so nice for me? Although, he could have just been walking past, saw trouble and decided to help but that doesn’t really seem like him. Did he know it was me? Is that why he helped?

“You okay?” he asked.

“Fine” I smiled, considerably unaffected by what happened.

“Just ignore them; they’re complete jackasses that think they’re hard. Don’t stand a chance against me” he grinned, proud of his reputation.

I hummed in agreement before standing up and grabbing my bag.

“We going to school then?” I questioned, basically stating that I was leaving.

“Do we have to?” He whined childishly, making me laugh.

He smiled at my response as we walked out of the park.

XXX

I have to say that at the start of our walk to school it was pretty awkward. I really felt bad about not talking to him and to be honest, I really wanted to talk about it. As in; I really wanted to know if he thought anything of me. Not that he would but I’d like to lay to rest the tiny part of my brain niggling me to hope that he did.

As we neared the school though he said that he’d see me around which made me happy. Does that mean he wants to hang out? Naw, I doubt it. He may have done something nice for me outside of school but once we’re here he’d have a reputation to keep up...well, what’s left of it anway.

Anyway, it was P.E first lesson and I entered the changing rooms and seeing as it was the first time I’d been here I thought it would be safe to take the spot in the corner. People usually liked to go for the big benches in the middle of the room so they could talk to their mates right? And seeing as don’t have any I wouldn’t want to take up space.

Setting my things down I felt uneasy when I saw someone setting their things down beside me. I felt even more baffled when I saw who it was.